Like Watching Paint Dry

Y'all, I am so bored. Bored out my ever, loving MIND.
I am so use to running the streets and always being on the go. I was always planning and plotting my next move because I hated being bored and hated where I was living. So I had to be out and stay out for the most part.

And now all of that has changed. Now I just sit here. Day in and day out, I sit. I workout 6 days a week and that's the only time I get out the house: to walk to the complex's fitness room and have a 2 hour workout.

After that I come back "home" and eat, drink something alcoholic, and sleep. Then I wake up and watch TV. And then I do it all over again the next day and the next and the next day..

I'm scared of getting fat:( Before, I was working and on the move. I was so active. And now I'm not. I am *so close* and have come *so far* and I am in danger of blowing up again. I feel like my stomach is bloated and no amount diuretics or laxatives will help me. I feel so fat. So I have got to get myself back on track. The high intensity workouts with resistance training are there, but the proper eating and drinking is not. And that is because I have acquired those bad habits again while I sit here and do nothing.

According to the scale, I am slowing losing a little weight. But a tiny bit. And I don't want to trust that. I don't care what I weigh as long as my measurements are on point. I want to gain good, heavy muscle and tighten up so my waist will be tiny.. And my ass still fat. HA!

But I mean, I am so lazy and sedentary that I don't even want to study my General Orders or do anything.
Period.
My Senior Chief paid me to write another of his papers this past week and I didn't even want to do that. I mean, I did, but still.. I didn't want to. All I want to do is eat, drink, and sleep.

My zest for life seems to be gone. I am fading away while I wait on that fated day to come that I go to the hotel and then board the plane for boot camp. But I don't want to lose sight of my goals so that when it is time to ship out I am fat and unprepared..
Hell, if I'm fat then I'm not going anywhere anyway.

Help!
This coming week will be better. It has to be. I promise myself this.

More later.

~Sailor Taylor