Classing Up

Today started the first day of Persian-Farsi classes for myself and a good number of others in other branches across the base.

Really, it was just an indoctrination of sorts. We never stepped foot in a class. Nor do we know how our class will be broken up (we have 6 students per teacher per learning group).

But I will say that while others are nervous and worrying about how hard the class will be, I am pretty damn excited. I welcome the challenge. Hell, this is what I signed up for!

Maybe it's my ignorance, but I don't fear the unknown. And I don't know how hard or easy this course will be for me. So why bitch and moan about it? And even if it is hard, all I have to do is study, get a tutor, and submerge myself in the language(I love Persian radio!!).

But I did not freak out or stress out in bootcamp, and I'll be damned if I do it here! Stressing screws me up, so I ain doin it. I perform well under pressure and stay calm at all times.
I'm just cool like that, yo!

And can I get say that I am *extremely* annoyed by those who worry?? I literally cannot stand that shit. What good is worrying going to do? Is it going to get you to your goal any quicker, or will your fears cause you to fuck up faster?? Ugh. Just shut up with the worrying and nervous shit. I hate it.
Needless to say, I stay away from people who worry. I just can't do it. I have no patience for it whatsoever and I will NOT be having their nervous shit rub off on me. And in order for me NOT to go off on my shipmates or classmates who so freak out, I quietly excuse myself before I blow up at them.
Not everyone feels the same as I do or is as cool I am, so I try to respect that. But don't you dare bring me down!

But I think my advantage over lot of people will be the fact I am SO damn single. It sucks, but while everyone is out and about being distracted my their sig others or devoting time to someone else or crying over the breakups that are sure to come or getting married and divorced 6 months later, I will be focused on homework and studying.
Yes, I see myself being quite lonely, but very successful. Kinda like Oprah, if you will lol.
They tell us all the time that we are here to learn a language and to do well within our respected branches. Everything and everyone else is irrelevant, and I think I got that part down lol. I wanna be the one everyone runs to for help because I got my shit down (for some reason I feel I will be really smart and good in class!! Ignorance?? Maybe. But fuck it:))
Persian is my boyfriend now. I'm focusing on him so the REAL men out there won't tear us apart (not like they're knocking at my door anyway!).
This has got to be one of the few times that being single trumps being attached.
They can have that shit. I pretty much only wanted sex anyway>;)
But now not even that will distract me:(

And at least while everyone is out and about spending money and going off base, I will be here hittin the books..
Which will really work out because Cali is expensive! I HATE spending money and being broke. I got bills, damnit! Ugh. I need to save more. It's like before you know it all my lil money is gone:( It shouldn't be this way.
So at least class will help me out with distracting me in a good way. I won't have to spend any money:)


Okay! This is it for now. Gonna go listen to some Persian radio and surf the net.
Toodles!

-Sailor Taylor

You Are Cordially Invited..

To read my damn blog!

Don't y'all feel special??

Due to the certain someone I mentioned in my last blog getting "upset" about her lil appearance, my shit is now private. Now, I love sharing my lil life with the world, but I'm not about to feel self conscious about what I write.

So I'll just have to invite who I want to read my words. And that blows, but it's what I have to do..

But really the entire situation is retarded because if ANYONE should be upset with what happened it should be ME. And I am.

Think about it: Here is this catty female who is from the same town as I, but the other side of the proverbial tracks. No one here at this base in our small group knows about Memphis or the neighborhoods within it. But she "randomly" starts talking about the "trashy" neighborhoods of Memphis and specifically and ONLY names my own, Orange Mound. But then she goes OUT of her way to say that I am from the aforementioned "trashy" neighborhood..

WHY do that? No one here knows anything about Memphis! No one here has a problem with me. At least I thought they didn't. And I didn't think I had issue with this superficial female. But I do now! Had a friend not told me, I never would have known the shit that came out of that heffa's mouth! I never would have seen her for the true piece of crap she is..
But, oh, shit does travel!

I mean, that was some fowl, low-down, dirty shit to pull. That hurt. She doesn't know me! She doesn't know my story or what the hell I been through or what I am capable of or my family or the sacrifices made..

All she knows is Class.

And, yes, I am from the Hood. But I am a thousand times more real that she will EVER be. Ever.

But, anyway, she apparently read my blog about her when it was public and got mad at me for calling her out.
Ha!
I have free speech on this matter and why be mad?? She did it!
Don't be ashamed now.

But since then she has been trying to get in my good graces. She just can't keep her damn mouth shut. That's what got her on my shit list on the first place.
But now she tries to compliment me and stand up for me at bars. Like I need her.

Ugh. Just... stop.

But, long story short, that is why my blog is now private. Nosey evil-doers lol.

Anywho, this blog will go on regardless. This is just a lil update:)

-Sailor Taylor

I Am A United States Sailor..

Well, hello there, My Online Stalkers! Long time no hear from, right??

Sorry for the delay. I actually graduated bootcamp on October 8th, 2010 and left RTC for Monterey, CA on October 13th.

My, what a completely SHITTY time it was. I mean I absolutely HATED bootcamp. I was soooo depressed. I felt ugly, hated, unloved, alienated, and every other negative feeling there is. Hardly anyone would write me! Lazy asses. Letters are what keep us going in bootcamp!
Ugh. I don't like thinking about bootcamp at all. I feel like I whored myself out and was redeemed and am now in the process of healing myself from my hellish past. Yes, it was that BAD. And, really, my issue was the fuckheads I was in the division with. Bootcamp itself was not that horrible. But the people there can SUCK IT.

Ugh.. As I continue on with my blog posts and am able to come to terms with all that is Recruit Training Command, I will gladly share stories of my misadventures in bootcamp.. If I can stomach it.

BUT now here I am in sunny California!!
Not.
Child, Monterey is cold, honey! Apparently, I did not do my research full out. Apparently, my country ass thought Cali would be paved in gold and love, and it is NOT.

Some days it looks like London here because it gets so damn foggy and gloomy. But no. I am simply on the other side of the damn country, far away from my home and family and I miss them.

Lord, I never thought I would miss my family or shitty ass Memphis as much as I do now.

It's hard out here for a Black Woman! And a Southern one at that. Someone who is very sensitive to racial relations. The ignorance of some of these people amazes me. It's not quite racism because some of these fuckheads, I can tell, genuinely think they have to use stereotypes to relate to me. Like, why do you feel the need to bring up grape kool-aid, fried chicken, watermelon, fingersnaps, and neck rolls to relate to me?? Yes, child!

And I am so lonely here. African Americans are few and far between here. Who can I relate to? Who will take me seriously and who will I not have to worry about racial ignorance or comments around?

The Defense Language Institute at the Presidio of Monterey is an Army base and all the branches of the military are here because this is THE place to go to learn a foreign language (I can tell you this because it's readily available on the internet and the websitie for the DLI). The other branches have more African Americans in them than the Navy does, but people are so clicky here. It's hard including oneself into another pre-determined group. But sometimes I want to because I miss my People! I am coming from a town that is rough and about 90% Black to here: a place where alot of people think it is okay to reference kool-aid and watermelon to me.
Every time I see a Black person, I want to run to them with arms wide open saying "Another Black person! Let us be friends!!"
Lol. Sad, but true.

Sidenote: Do you know one of these females here called my neighborhood, and therefore me, trash?! Honey, let's not forget this trash has hood-breed survival skills her bougie ass will never have. And this trash has a four year college degree! Don't forget that!

Anywho! I see myself staying mad focused for the year that I am here learning Persian-Farsi, the language of Iran (yep!). Work seems to be the thing that will hold me over until I leave this place.
I'll be damned if I don't get straight A's up in this piece!

But, yeah, back to me being lonely..
I am! Hell, bootcamp was so hard on me mentally. I got to wishing and thinking that maybe I should have gotten an honorary/temporary boyfriend to hold me over until I graduated so I could dump him afterwards! LMAO! But I'm for real, yal. It was tough on me.

I need healing of all kinds in this mug!

And do you know where is NO place for me to get my hair braided?! I have to go to the NEXT town over to find a decent hair braider! And I had to order the braiding hair from online because they don't carry the kind I need here! Thank God for Craigsllist and the internet. That's all I gotta say on that shit.

Okay, my random ass ramblings are over with for now. Sorry for the long ass delay. But can you tell this was therapudic for me?? It was.

More later!
Love,

Sailor Taylor

Bootcamp Bound!

Okay so this was my status from Facebook not too long ago and this does a good job of summing things up:

"Well, my body fat *just* made it at 32%. I still think that woman measured me too low. But oh well! I biometrically signed my final contract with my fingerprint, was discharged from the DEP program and officially sworn into the United States Navy. Headed to the airport now! There are 5 of us going to RTC:) Hooyah!"

Yep! Lol.

We got to the airport at about 12:30pm and don't leave until 6:25pm so we are just hanging out now. It's me and 4 others and one of the shipper's family. They all have bags and I feel quite empty handed because all I have is my purse. The clothes I wore to the hotel I threw out because my family wasn't around to see me get sworn in (or for me to give my clothes to) or go to the airport. And I wasn't about to pay to get that stuff shipped back home, and pay by the pound, on my dime. Hell no lol.

But on the bus ride to the airport I made my final calls to my sister, Dad, and left a message for my Mom and Grandmom. Dad seemed to be really excited for me and proud. And, oddly enough, that made me proud. This time when he said I love you, I said it back. He is an ass and he is my Dad and I love him. It's what God would have me to do. I told him I will write him and I will.

My recruiter showed up at the last minute as I was boarding the bus to leave MEPS to shake my hand and see me off. I told him I would write him. He was excited I was excited to have actually passed the weight test. But I'm sure he was happy I passed the weight test because that meant he wouldn't get into trouble. Eh. Whatever lol. Can't blame the man for wanting to stay out of the Captain's Mass (or is it Mast??) on my behalf.

And now I am excited. I am apprehensive and wondering what I got myself into but driven and determined. The only thing that was freaking me out was my weight. And now that I have gotten that out of the way, I feel like I am actually doing this. This is real for me now. It's sad to say that is how much this weight thing was affecting me: that going to bootcamp almost did not feel real.

And, really, that damn woman still measured me down too low on my hips and at my damn thighs almost, but I made it. Even though my paper work said I gained two pounds since I was initially sworn in, I still made it. Now I feel better and confident that RTC will follow the same suit and have me at the same lower body fat with one percent to spare as well...

On another note, I got up at 4:15am, showered, and did my hair and make-up. Yes, I want to be "pretty" when I get to bootcamp:) I didn't get much sleep at all because I "slept" with that damn stomach wrap on, but I cut it off at 3am to actually get some sleep. And I did. Only to wake up an hour and 15 minutes later. Eh. Oh well. But at least my waist did measure at 29 inches instead of 30:)

I got along much better with the other shippers today as well. I guess because we are all excited and ready as we will ever be. There were A LOT of us too. Like 20 of us, the most shippers I have ever seen at MEPS. And a good number of them were going to the Air Force.
Oh and get this. The Air Force shippers had to bring toiletries and 3 changes of clothes because they don't get their uniforms until Sunday. HA! How idiotic is THAT???..

But enough of that! I just wanted to give you all a mini update on me and mine and what I am experiencing at this very moment. I am happy. I am nervous. I am officially in the United States Navy. And I have already passed and graduated from bootcamp. Yes, I just spoke things that be not as though they were. I spoke my future into being. Beat THAT, negativity! Lol..

Well, I have had my Starbucks and have a meal check that I will be using at the Chicago O'Hare airport with the other Navy shippers once we touch down tonight before we get to RTC. It's an hour drive to the actual bootcamp sight. We have long hours ahead of us. I hear we won't sleep for the first 48 hours. Oh yay:)

That's all for now! Pray for me. Send me Positive thoughts. And for those who sent me their addresses, you will be hearing from me in the coming weeks!

I'll see you all in 2 months and 1 week.

Hooyah!

~Sailor Taylor

The Radisson

Okay, so I started typing this earlier and it got erased:( So this will be a much shorter version. Sorry:(

I am at the Radisson hotel the night before I go to MEPS. I'm in the room solo. I don't think I have a roommate and I am fine with that. This is just me being antisocial lol.

But I got here last because my sister brought me as opposed to my recruiter; and after I ate a dinner of lean pork loin, corn, and "red" kool-aid alone (because, once again, I got here last and was the last to eat. Oh well), I tried to fellowship with my fellow shippers. But they are all about 17 or 18 and gave me hella cold shoulder. They did not make me feel welcomed at all. So I retreated to my room ASAP.

And the room is actually nice. They have Sleep Number beds:) But the tv is hella old and has basic cable with the exception of a random HBO channel. But it is all free:) And you can't beat free!

I'm also pretty uncomfortable because my recruiter did show up to wrap me in Preparation H, Saran Wrap, and duck tape:( He did it tight, but it's only about as tight as I wrap it, actually. So it's not too bad, but I can't get comfortable:( And this crap is rolling up on me and itches yet again. Ugh! But this is all for a good cause. I MUST go to bootcamp! And I will. Tomorrow:)
So far my waist does seem to be about half an inch smaller and that is awesome:) Now if I can get this down to a full inch we are all set!

When I stepped foot out the car and said my goodbyes, I was so nervous. My heart was jumping, my stomach was fluttering. That's part of the reason why I didn't eat much for dinner. But whatever. I will miss my sister and my family and my 5 year old nephew almost made me start balling right then and there. He's so sweet. I love them so:)

But, um, I guess this is all for now. Our curfew is at 10pm when we have to be in our rooms. And who knows? Maybe I will have a roommate by then? Ugh. I hope not lol. And then I have to get up at like 4something and get dressed, eat, and then head to MEPS. It will be a long and tiring day. But I welcome it.

More later...Maybe:)

~Sailor Taylor

The Dinner

Yesterday evening at 5pm (or shall I say 17:00? lol) I had my going away dinner. I was a bit apprehensive about having it because I didn't think anyone would show, but a few people did:) It was myself, my sister, two female college friends from my graphic design days, a male college friend, my cousin, my aunt, and a friend of mine who is a former Marine.. He's so FINE! Okay, had to get that out my system, lol..

But it was a good time. Once everyone got over the "I don't know anyone here" jitters, they all meshed very well. And, really, I don't hang out with people who are not open-minded or cool enough to get along with everybody. And if you can get along with me and end up being my friend, you can get along with anybody. Because I can be one tough cookie to befriend! Lol. I'm working on that:)

And, food wise, I did good at the dinner for the most part. I had a lean pork chop (still sticking to my Atkins regime) about 2 and a half hours before we left for the restaurant. So when we actually got there I was still pretty full and watched everyone else order and eat.
Really, my cycle always curbs my appetite. I don't know why, but during that time I hardly get hungry. I end up making myself eat because I know I should, not because I necessarily feel the need to..

Anyway! Back to the dinner:
While everyone ate and drank, I only drank. And boy did we drink! We ended up having 4 pitchers of lime margaritas on the rocks. And my two male friends took care of the charges for them:) I wasn't even expecting that. Hell, I wasn't even thinking about how they would be paid for! I didn't even know we got 4! I was so out of it drinking and trying to talk to everyone (and the conversations that took place were the best! My peeps are hilarious lol). All I know is that every time I looked, there was a full pitcher in front of me lol. And I got good and drunk. Whew! But thankfully I did not have a hangover this morning.
And I did end up eating this fried cinnamon and sugar cheesecake burrito thingy. It was called a chimmi cheese I think and they are always wonderful:) I Normally don't have them when I go to this restaurant, but that night I treated myself. So I ended up having dessert and liquor. And I got paid for by my friends. Yay:) But I did chip in on the tip. I have no idea what my friends left the waiter, but I gave him a $20. It was the least I could do.

My aunt, who has always been so supportive of me joining the military, left out first with my cousin. But before she left, she handed me a card with $20 in it. She's always so good with giving the appropriate card at the appropriate time, lol. The card itself read "..It's been a long climb.. And you deserve a mountain of praise!! Congrats!" And inside she wrote "Ashley, Congratulations on your inception into the military. Take God with you every step of the way and you will do well. Love ya much! Auntie Debra and Grant (my cousin)"

I love them so:)

Soon (after about 2 hours), it was time for us all to leave. I hugged everyone twice and we slowly went to our cars. I almost cried. This is what I will miss about Memphis. Good times, good fellowship, and the few true friends I do have. *Sigh*

Now I am waiting on my food to digest so I may go running since I was too busy putting my things into storage yesterday to do so. I cheated and for breakfast I had strawberries, sausage, and my sister's homemade French toast. It was AMAZINGLY good. But it was carbs:( But I figure this is my last home cooked breakfast, so why not? Normally, I wouldn't eat her cooking because it's not what's best for me and my diet, but this time I obliged myself:)

Oh, and get this. When I woke up this morning, my stomach was smaller and flatter than normal. It was a full inch tighter. After all that eating and drinking I did last night, my stomach wants to shrink?? Irony! Lol. Maybe it was the alcohol that dehydrated me? Who know! Who cares! Just as long as I keep this trend up when I go to MEPS and RTC. That would be love:)

So... That's about it for this entry. I'll have a little more to tell a little later on. And then I will disappear for about 9 weeks:)

~Sailor Taylor

P.S. My recruiter said he would come over my house tomorrow evening before I go to the hotel and wrap me up in Saran wrap and duck tape himself because he said I wasn't wrapping myself tight enough...
Um...
I hope this is just another lie he is telling me. Because that man is buff as hell and strong and I do not want him wrapping me. He may force my liver up into my throat:(
I mean, I will have to see him because he's going to bring me the packet I need to go to MEPS and then boot camp, but hopefully he will be in such a hurry to get to his night job that he won't do it.. Hopefully. *Fingers crossed!*

My Dad

I want to keep this short. I'm not for opening up old wounds, but I wanted to blog about this..

My Mom and Dad are both from Memphis (well, Momma kinda isn't lol) and met in the Memphis Navy Reserves after years of being on active duty. Dad joined the Navy in August 1969 (the same month I am leaving for boot camp. Ironic, right?) and Mom joined around the same time as well. And I don't blame them. After experiencing the assassination of Martin Luther King and integration from segregation, I would want to get the hell out of Memphis too.

But, back to my story, and this part is what freaks out a lot of people..
My Mom and Dad were married to other people when they conceived me. Momma was married to a fellow Sailor and my Dad was, and still is, married to a civilian. They got together and had me during their affair. Mom eventually got divorced from my step-dad when I was 3 and Dad, as I said, is still married to his wife.

My life was turbulent, to say the least. I knew Dad had an entirely separate family and I knew I had 3 older sisters. But I was kept a secret. It wasn't until my Freshman and Sophomore years of college that I was finally able to track down my sisters via Facebook and tell them who I am.

All hell broke loose. I had shattered their happy-go-lucky, picture perfect life. My sisters laid into me. They spoke ill of me and my Mother. And I have YET to forgive them for that. NO ONE speaks ill of my Mother. I don't give a damn who you are. My Mother is off limits.

Years ago, our Dad cheated and had me. Get over it. I have. For the most part, anyway.
But there's nothing like being "The Other Child," having to live in secrecy away from one half of your family because you are the dirty little secret. There's nothing like not being able to go out in public with your Mom and Dad for fear that someone will see your married Dad out with his Other Family. There's nothing like knowing you have a family out there that does not know about you. There's nothing like knowing where your sisters live and where they go to school but you still can't touch them. And there's nothing like having to call your Dad by his first name for the first 7 years of your life because "Daddy," even in private, was unacceptable.

There's so much more bullshit I was subjected to that I could write about. But I won't. I've already said enough..

But, long story short, my relationship with my Dad is nonexistent. I stopped talking to him after my sisters and I got into it once I told them who I am and he took their side. He basically said I had "corrupted" and upset HIS family by telling them of my existence. He said I shouldn't have told them. He yelled at me. It was as if it wasn't my right to know who I am and where I come from. I was devastated and heartbroken. After decades of dreaming of finally meeting my sisters and telling them that I exist, they do not welcome me with arms wide open, but damn me and my Mother.

So I stopped talking to him, gave up on them, and disowned that part of me just as they had disowned me. I was my Mother's child and no one else's. Period. And I would have loved to keep it that way. But when I joined the Navy my recruiter told me I had to get BOTH of my parents' information. I wanted to declare my father dead, but he said that would not look good on my behalf once the Navy did my background check and found out my father was actually living. Shit.

So I got into contact with a cousin on my Dad's side who actually likes me (The cousins are cool with me, ironically. It's the sisters who hate me). She was supportive of my Navy endeavors and gave me his contact information so I could get in contact with him and finish filling out my initial paperwork to enlist.

So I reluctantly called him. He knew who I was, of course. And he actually gave me his information. I was surprised at that. And I was surprised at myself for actually wanting his approval with what I was doing with my life. This was back in December, but I had just graduated college and was now joining the Navy. Not only was I college educated BEFORE my older sisters, I was also joining the military like he and Momma did.

Our conversation was strained and just short of two strangers speaking strictly on business terms.

That was back in December and I haven't spoken to him since. And I had no intentions of speaking to him again. Not before I went to bootcamp, not after, not ever quite possibly.

But today, out the blue, Dad called me.

I'd had him on my mind some days ago, but I'd thought nothing of it. I've also been having dreams about people from my past that I no longer talk to, but I thought that was just my "spidey senses" telling me that they would randomly pop back up into my life again before I leave. Or I thought that was my mind's way of helping me let go of my past to move on to my future. I don't know what is was, but I dismissed it..

And then here comes my Dad. Calling me. Talking all jolly as if nothing had happened between us. He called me his "baby" and asked me to send a picture to his phone and he would send me a picture of the ship he was on: The USS Enterprise.

We talked about me going to bootcamp (he made a mean ass comment about my weight. But whatever. I'm brushing off all bullshit), the Navy, my Mom, and other things. I was dumbfounded. I think he even told me he loved me. I was too dazed to realize.

When we hung up the phone, I cried. Not too much. Just a little. I was so shaken up. His calling me was too much. I had to call my sister on my Mother's side, the one I grew up with (we have different fathers) to talk about this. I was about to explode.
After all these years, all this hurt and him disowning me, RIGHT before I leave for a new Life, my estranged Dad calls me. My past came back to haunt me. It was an emotional experience. And words still fail me now..

It was like he knew I was about to leave. It was like something told him to call me after 8 months of not speaking. And he was so happy and proud. And I have no idea why. I cannot figure out my dad at all, but this was just odd.. It was as if nothing happened.

Maybe he feels guilty? I don't know. But we made plans to call each other before I go. Not SEE each other, but call..

I can do that, I guess.
Wow..

Now, if you excuse me, I am done crying and reliving my not so distant past. I'm going to the movies on this last Friday night at home:)

~Sailor Taylor