Quick "Beauty"?

Well, I got a weave. A "quick" one at that. I got bored, as I always do, and just HAD to have something to swing. So after I realized invisible braids would not be possible due to the length of my hair (or lack of) and the price Africans were trying to charge me ($220!!), I evaluated my options.. And quick weave was it! I looked up tutorials on YouTube, got all the needed tools, painstakingly gelled down my cute and curly baby 'fro, and went to work! And what you see is what I got. 10 inches of insta-hair with shakability.

When I first walked out the house I felt like a damn fool. Even though I KNOW I am worlds better than the fake women walking the streets of Memphis, I knew I was now with the fakeness of weave. I haven't had weave, and by weave I mean tracks, since I was 18! And back then I had a perm and my goal was to make it look as natural as possible and it did. People really thought that was my hair lol. But NOW being fake is celebrated. So here I am walking around town with what is basically a damn wig glued to the top of my gelled down 'fro. What would The Ancestors think?? Surely I have offended them! Well, I got what I wanted. I now have something to shake and swing but it is not without a cost..

I am not use to having hair, y'all! Even before I shaved my head I was not used to THIS mess. Even washing my face is a hassle because I have hair in the way that I also have to worry about getting wet. Showering is not as enjoyable because I now have to have a head wrap on to keep my head dry where I would normally stand under the shower head and feel the hot water hitting my skull down into my soul. THAT is a luxury my Black women have given up in the name of "beauty".. Oh, Hair, what have you DONE to me?!

And don't even get me started on my jogging and working out! I feel like a prisoner in my own skin. I feel like I'm working out in a helmet. A hot, sweaty helmet! My, how I missed my shaved head:(

The only reason I am keeping this mess in is so I can get my money's worth! Lol! I ain' THAT much of a fool. But I do NOT feel like myself. I feel like an imposter on Halloween or something. It's amazing now far I have come to where I am now. I used to feel ugly without weave but here I am present day natural and loving it. I have shaken off the shackles of Eurocentric Beauty, ideals that were never meant for Black women. Ideals that were never meant for ME. I love me. Alec, my boyfriend, loves me. Bald head and all. And so does my sister Dee and her amazing family. MY family. I love who I am and what I look like and I love the strength God has bestowed upon me to be myself. I love the fact that I give honor to Him by honoring myself by simply being me. And right now I feel like I am disgracing him.. I will give this another week, THIS week, and Little Ms Insta-Beauty is coming out. This is not my beauty, this is not me. And the phase I went through of wanting "something to shake" is out my system:)

-Sailor Taylor