Butt Cream Remedies

As I type this in a state of insomnia, I am laying on my sister's couch with Preparation H slathered all over my stomach and sides with my stomach band wrapped snugly around me. Sounds crazy, but this is my newest pre-weigh-in gimmick.
I have not had the best workouts lately and I have been over eating. I don't know if my body is tired or has reached a plateau or what, but I feel as if I have not made significant progress with my weight this final weigh-in. If anything, I have maintained weight and haven't lost any, and that's not good.

So, with that being the case, I have once again resorted to gimmicks to give me the push that I need. I took a laxative, diuretics, and am now doing this damn Preparation H thing.

You see, Preparation H draws out water in skin (or so I have been told), and tightens it up. I have heard of male clubbers rubbing this hemorrhoid cream all over their muscles because it somehow irritates the skin and makes their muscles swell and look bigger, so I was certain putting this stuff on my stomach would not give me the desired effects. But after googling around a bit, I saw that people have been rubbing this cream on themselves and then wrapping their stomachs in plastic wrap to sweat out any water in their mid-section area. I read where this one guy did this remedy and then went cycling while wrapped up and quickly lost the weight he needed in order to be eligible for the Navy. And on Facebook, a girl on my friend's list who is in Navy Dep in another city used Preparation H as well. But she used it at night as opposed to working out with it on. She said it kept her up because it burned. So.. Obviously that means it is working, right?? The skin is irritated and the water is being drawn out.. Right? Sounded right to me!
So the very next day I went out and got some Prep H.

And I feel NOTHING. I mean, true, I am sweating/moist (don't you just hate that word? Ew.), but I don't have any skin irritation. So does this mean it is not working for me? Oh, God, I REALLY need this to work for me! My weigh-in is in a few hours!

So tomorrow before I head to MEPS, I am going to put this crap on again in addition to my full, hot ass workout gear and workout. I don't quite know what workout I will do tomorrow but it will have to be hard core for me to get the "maximum" effects. And the bad part is while I workout, I won't be able to drink any water(or drink water after I workout for that matter) and afterwards, I don't think I can get my skin wet or all the effects will be reversed. So.. That means a Whore's Bath with a soapy wash cloth is my best bet.
Great.

But this is all for a cause, right? A little discomfort won't hurt! I'm just tired of these damn weigh-ins. Wake me when this is over:(

I'll let you all know how everything goes.

13 Days until boot camp.

~Sailor Taylor