Relations and Lack There of

As you can probably tell, I am still single.
And have been for going on two years now. My last love was when I was 21. I'll be 25 in a few months.

Dating just isn't possible for me here in Monterey. The male populous consists of boy-children that I find horribly unattractive and immature. How a good number of people here manage to find a spouse is beyond me. I hardly see anyone worth giving my number to, let alone spending my life with.
But I know loneliness has a lot to do with everything.
I get lonely too.

But I have resolved that God does not want me to get attached because he knows how I get: a hopeless romantic wreck that pays attention to nothing else but her mate.
So I stay single and study. So far that's working for me, but my nights get lonely and my bed cold.

Honestly, the infidelity that runs ramped in the military from all levels is amazing and disgusting. It has put the fear of marriage in my heart..
Well, truthfully speaking, it was there beforehand lol. But the military just reaffirms it. I would love a lasting relationship, but I just don't see it.

When I first got here, I was desperate for a relationship. And then I settled for a butt buddy. And when that didn't even happen, I suppressed urges for human interaction with movies, food, alcohol, and friends.
But that only lasts for so long..
Okay, not saying that I haven't gotten laid since I have been here, but I am saying that sex only goes so far when you want more. It's a temporary thing, ya dig??

Anyway, the good thing about my next command is I will be out of training status, back down South, and a petty officer. Meaning I can date all the Black sergeants and other NCOs I want.. Within reason, of course:)

But I look forward to and seek companionship. The infidelity I will deal with should the occasion arise.. And I pray it does not.

But I do have someone from before kinda waiting on me down South. He represented a turning point in my life and I thought I loved him, but he fucked that up. So while I do still care about him, it is not the same. But I cannot help but look forward to seeing him again. It's motivation to get the hell out of here and to him.. Or anyone, really.

I've had my fill of Monterey and I just want to be happy again. Love is the missing piece.

-Ash