Well, I got my bathing suit, which is very cute, I might add;) It's black "booty"/ boy shorts that tie up on the sides with hot pink string and a matching pink and black racer back top that's actually meant for surfers. It's kinda hard to explain and I wanna make this a short post, but hopefully you guys get what I am saying. Either way, my curves and ass are accentuated QUITE nicely, I might add;)
Anyway! My memory fails me but I think I went swimming twice once I got my suit and then stopped. I just HATE doing things I'm not good at. So, I finally got rid of all the excuses and mentally and physically (it IS very tiring, after all) geared myself up to go swimming. I even googled swimming techniques so I could get a general idea of what I was doing wrong. I knew I had the basic idea of swimming down, but I just KNEW I was fucking up somewhere.
So, from what I gathered, I needed to basically relax in the water so I wouldn't get so tired so soon. I have this thing where I tense up in the water because I am out of my element/ comfort zone and tend to freak out. So I have to take deep breaths and relax before I start swimming. Aaaaannd, after I relax and actually start to swim, I need to be sure I rock my body from side to side with each stroke. What I tend to do is lay flat on the water and only move my arms and not my body with my arms. Basically I'm a damn board in the water lol. But rocking my body with the motion of my arms seemed like it would help me and help me be able to get my next breath in since my body was turning to the side more..
Oh! And I read that I needed to point my chin to my shoulder as I turn my head to get my next breath in. All this seems simple enough, right?? Okay..
So, I go to the pool. I swim for a little bit and already I start to feel better in the water. It's starting to feel RIGHT. I still wasn't a fish in the water, but I wasn't a rock either. But I still kinda felt that I needed help or was still doing something wrong. So I mustered up the courage to ask the lifeguard on duty to watch me swim a couple strokes..
He said I looked fine:) YAY!! That was really all I needed: assurance. Here I am hating doing things I'm not good at and I actually am doing the right thing. Awesome:) That was a huge boost of confidence. I needed that.
So now I am all motivated to swim. I'm still not where I want to be in the water. I still swim in the 4 feet end "just in case." But I know the progress is there. And all I have to do to get better is simply swim. All I need is stamina:) Because I think they are going to have my ass swimming a mile in boot camp.. Which seems pretty damn preposterous to me, but whatever. This is just another challenge that I will meet..
Oh, and to make sure my ass goes swimming, I have cut out going to the gym and doing cardio first, as was my original routine. I would do at least 60 minutes of cardio (an hour!) and THEN swim. And that had my ass exhausted.. And that was also as excuse for me to not go swimming.. Yes, yet another excuse not to do it. So, I just swim now. That's it. And it is a good workout. It gets to my muscles big time. So if I can keep swimming until I am good and sore/ toned then I should be fine:)
Well, I am off today and am getting rested up. So that means I will be hitting the pool later one. Pray for me! Lol. Toodles!
~Sailor Taylor
Showing posts with label Confidence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Confidence. Show all posts
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
The Water
I have a confession to make:
I am not a fan of swimming.
I know, I know. You all are thinking to yourselves "How the hell did this girl join the Navy and she doesn't like to swim?!.."
Well, stranger things have happened:)
Aaaaaannnd, I would like to note that neither my Mom and Aunt (who retired from the Navy as a Chief) were not very good swimmers(not at all!) when they were in the Navy and when they got out. But I actually think all they had to do in their day was barely wade water. Women weren't allowed on ships then. And I'm sure someone in bootcamp "hooked them up." Lol. Because they sure as hell cannot swim lol.
But there are a lot of people in the Navy past and present who hate the water. And I'm not saying I hate water, because I don't. But I do hate not being the best at what I have been assigned and destined to do. And I believe I have been assigned to the Navy by God and I am destined to be a Sailor. But swimming has never been my strength.
Actually, when I decided I wanted to join I couldn't swim at all. But I knew the Navy was what I wanted to do and a part of joining the military was pushing myself to new mental and physical limits. So I went to the YMCA, paid $90, and took adult swimming lessons. Technically, I learned how to swim. I know all the basics and how to do them. I'm just pretty uncomfortable in the water, and that's because it's so far from my comfort zone. We (my sister and I) weren't raised at the pool, even though my parents were Sailors and mom had access to the pool on base. Every time we went "swimming," my sister and I stayed in the shallow end..
I still do that now. I stay in the 5'6" end and that is deep enough for me at 5'2". There, I practice different strokes, floating, and just trying to get comfortable in the water period. It's like, I KNOW I won't drown because I know how to not drown (lol), BUT I still tense up in the water. I have no idea why I do, but I do. Maybe I'm scared of somehow sucking up too much water. Or maybe I'm just scared of not being the best at something.
So, today, I am buying a new swim suit (it's time for another and this will probably be the hardest part: getting a suit that fits my shape and body) and after I do 45 minutes of cardio, I am hitting the pool. Lord, help me! Because it has been months since I have gone swimming and I am feeling apprehensive about this all over again. But I would much rather at least try to practice my swimming on the civilian side rather than get to boot camp damn near cold turkey. Hell no. I'm sure I'd have a heart attack then lol. My heart couldn't take it! All that water without any prior practice?? No thank you. Thank God I have common sense because not everyone does. Some people show up to Navy boot camp not knowing how to swim, expecting to be shown there.. I guess, honey! Lol. But I will NOT be doing that. I'm off!
~Sailor Taylor
I am not a fan of swimming.
I know, I know. You all are thinking to yourselves "How the hell did this girl join the Navy and she doesn't like to swim?!.."
Well, stranger things have happened:)
Aaaaaannnd, I would like to note that neither my Mom and Aunt (who retired from the Navy as a Chief) were not very good swimmers(not at all!) when they were in the Navy and when they got out. But I actually think all they had to do in their day was barely wade water. Women weren't allowed on ships then. And I'm sure someone in bootcamp "hooked them up." Lol. Because they sure as hell cannot swim lol.
But there are a lot of people in the Navy past and present who hate the water. And I'm not saying I hate water, because I don't. But I do hate not being the best at what I have been assigned and destined to do. And I believe I have been assigned to the Navy by God and I am destined to be a Sailor. But swimming has never been my strength.
Actually, when I decided I wanted to join I couldn't swim at all. But I knew the Navy was what I wanted to do and a part of joining the military was pushing myself to new mental and physical limits. So I went to the YMCA, paid $90, and took adult swimming lessons. Technically, I learned how to swim. I know all the basics and how to do them. I'm just pretty uncomfortable in the water, and that's because it's so far from my comfort zone. We (my sister and I) weren't raised at the pool, even though my parents were Sailors and mom had access to the pool on base. Every time we went "swimming," my sister and I stayed in the shallow end..
I still do that now. I stay in the 5'6" end and that is deep enough for me at 5'2". There, I practice different strokes, floating, and just trying to get comfortable in the water period. It's like, I KNOW I won't drown because I know how to not drown (lol), BUT I still tense up in the water. I have no idea why I do, but I do. Maybe I'm scared of somehow sucking up too much water. Or maybe I'm just scared of not being the best at something.
So, today, I am buying a new swim suit (it's time for another and this will probably be the hardest part: getting a suit that fits my shape and body) and after I do 45 minutes of cardio, I am hitting the pool. Lord, help me! Because it has been months since I have gone swimming and I am feeling apprehensive about this all over again. But I would much rather at least try to practice my swimming on the civilian side rather than get to boot camp damn near cold turkey. Hell no. I'm sure I'd have a heart attack then lol. My heart couldn't take it! All that water without any prior practice?? No thank you. Thank God I have common sense because not everyone does. Some people show up to Navy boot camp not knowing how to swim, expecting to be shown there.. I guess, honey! Lol. But I will NOT be doing that. I'm off!
~Sailor Taylor
Friday, January 29, 2010
'Cause I'm a Bad Woman; I'm Not Afraid to Show It
I live in a land that is still ridden with a 400 year old institution called Slavery. I live in a land of ignorance, homophobia, and unacceptance. And in this land, I live my life looking and acting the way I do.
My breasts are average at 36C. My waist is small at 29 inches compared to my 41 inch hips. I get hollered at whether I am running along side the Mississippi or shopping for tampons. But that is simply because my hips don't lie about my child-bearing potential.
But I am brown skinned (some would even say dark skinned) woman in a place that praises light skin and "mixed"/ biracial women. I had natural hair and rocked a fro' until I shaved my head and started sportin' a Caesar. Now I am "bald" in Memphis where my Black people celebrate weave, "Barbies" and Eurocentric standards of beauty that were never meant to those who stem from Afrika.
I speak well with an unintelligible dialect, unlike those around me. A child of Orange Mound and The Hood, I did not let my surroundings of circumstances define me. Now I am unique because I "talk white." It has become a part of what makes my special.
I remain childless, single, well-spoken, educated, and a future service woman when those around me are having children out of wed lock, dropping out of school, and going from man to man, subconsciously searching for someone to fill the hole Daddy left.
But here I am: bold, eccentric, and beautifully human in a place that upholds none of who I am. I am proud of myself. I am proud of my brown skin and lack of hair. I am proud I know Who I Am in a time when others don't. I know many will not even look my way because of who God called me to be, but I don't need them because I am confident in myself. I love my big hips that sing a song, my large forehead catches the eye, shaved head that shows my confidence, busy lifestyle and natural beauty that does not need enhancement, and my brown skin that hails West Afrika and none of Massa.
My kind is not popular and I don't give a damn. I truly love me. I know I am exquisite, flaws and all. And yet I still accept criticism. I love my body and the muscle tone that is slowly showing through exercise. I love my quirky personality and stubbornness, my thirst for knowledge and resilience. I love ME.
So even when I run across someone who does not enjoy me for who I am, I know the issue is with that person and their own internal battles. And I have come across a certain someone that stands out in my mind who has an issue with self hatred and only seriously dates light skinned, "good-haired" women. But that is because he basically wants his future children to pass the Paper Bag and Hair Grade Test. Bless his poor Toby soul. But even in all that, I am still someone that he is drawn to time and time again. It just can't be helped:)
I am proud of myself and how far I have come. I was a mess before. It's been a long time coming and I am not done yet. But I look at other women and see their lack of confidence, dependence on weave and outer physical enhancements and I am not jealous. I pity them. And I celebrate me. I'm not cocky, but giving praise where praise is due. I thank God for my confidence:)
~*Pie*
My breasts are average at 36C. My waist is small at 29 inches compared to my 41 inch hips. I get hollered at whether I am running along side the Mississippi or shopping for tampons. But that is simply because my hips don't lie about my child-bearing potential.
But I am brown skinned (some would even say dark skinned) woman in a place that praises light skin and "mixed"/ biracial women. I had natural hair and rocked a fro' until I shaved my head and started sportin' a Caesar. Now I am "bald" in Memphis where my Black people celebrate weave, "Barbies" and Eurocentric standards of beauty that were never meant to those who stem from Afrika.
I speak well with an unintelligible dialect, unlike those around me. A child of Orange Mound and The Hood, I did not let my surroundings of circumstances define me. Now I am unique because I "talk white." It has become a part of what makes my special.
I remain childless, single, well-spoken, educated, and a future service woman when those around me are having children out of wed lock, dropping out of school, and going from man to man, subconsciously searching for someone to fill the hole Daddy left.
But here I am: bold, eccentric, and beautifully human in a place that upholds none of who I am. I am proud of myself. I am proud of my brown skin and lack of hair. I am proud I know Who I Am in a time when others don't. I know many will not even look my way because of who God called me to be, but I don't need them because I am confident in myself. I love my big hips that sing a song, my large forehead catches the eye, shaved head that shows my confidence, busy lifestyle and natural beauty that does not need enhancement, and my brown skin that hails West Afrika and none of Massa.
My kind is not popular and I don't give a damn. I truly love me. I know I am exquisite, flaws and all. And yet I still accept criticism. I love my body and the muscle tone that is slowly showing through exercise. I love my quirky personality and stubbornness, my thirst for knowledge and resilience. I love ME.
So even when I run across someone who does not enjoy me for who I am, I know the issue is with that person and their own internal battles. And I have come across a certain someone that stands out in my mind who has an issue with self hatred and only seriously dates light skinned, "good-haired" women. But that is because he basically wants his future children to pass the Paper Bag and Hair Grade Test. Bless his poor Toby soul. But even in all that, I am still someone that he is drawn to time and time again. It just can't be helped:)
I am proud of myself and how far I have come. I was a mess before. It's been a long time coming and I am not done yet. But I look at other women and see their lack of confidence, dependence on weave and outer physical enhancements and I am not jealous. I pity them. And I celebrate me. I'm not cocky, but giving praise where praise is due. I thank God for my confidence:)
~*Pie*
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