Months ago I revamped my profile on Plenty of Fish (yes, I do the whole online dating thing) because I was ready to get back into the dating game. I chatted with a few guys, most were Shit, and one became my boyfriend. And that boyfriend and I quickly fell off. That child just had too much damn drama!
But through all that, one guy stayed in contact with me: Alec. He's 24, 6 feet, DARK skinned(that's my weakness yall), has a thick football player's build(205lbs! My other weakness!), is an E-4 in the Army, from Mississippi, enlisted in Memphis, and now lives in New York a base that is very close to Canada. He's a helicopter gunner, loves his job, and is the Go-To Guy when his superiors need to get the job done..
We started talking on POF, traded numbers and then took it to Yahoo IM. It took us MONTHS to even hear each other's voices. Some people just are more comfortable with typing their words rather than speaking them. I guess that was us. But I liked his positive attitude and encouraging, kind words:) He is a sweetie, and I think he's really genuine in that because most Soldiers eventually get messy with playing whatever games they are playing. Alec isn't like that. Or at least he doesn't seem to be like that.
Anyway, Alec came home for the holidays, as most service people do, but I was going through a few issues of my own and wasn't really trying to give him time of day anyway. So I didn't get to see him and we didn't speak until he was on his way back to NY. I didn't think anything of it.
And then, somehow, we got to talking again like real hard core. I have no idea how this happened. But we seriously clicked. He started calling me Baby, I started calling him Baby. We got to actually talking on the phone, sending each other pictures, and hearing from one another everyday. He confessed how he was feeling me and wanted to get to know me better and I did the same...
Yall see where I'm going with this, don't you? He said he wanted to be with me and do whatever he had to do to be with me. I kinda brushed it off, me being the untrusting skeptic that I am. What soldier doesn't want a PYT girl waiting on him back home? What soldier doesn't say that? Or something to that effect? That's what was going through my head.
But deep down I do have a soft, feminine side and this guy had reached it. I would think about him and smile at the though of his voice and everything about him. I fell for the idea of Alec.
So today he told me how well he did at the range and I said something to the effect of how well "my man" could shoot. He said "..so it's safe to call you my woman?" I reluctantly and fearfully said "yes." So now I have a boyfriend in New York, in the Army, who I have NEVER met before and is due for a year long deployment to Afghanistan this year.
Lord help me, please tell me what I have gotten into(thanks, Vivian Green)?! I LOVE sex. It's a recreational outlet for me. And, yet, here I am in a long distance relationship with a man who will not be home until this summer. And once he leaves he will be headed for war in the Middle East for the 2nd time while I will be headed to boot camp in Great Lakes, IL. Looks like my pussy is on lock down! Shit:(
You know, there's a reason for everything and most of the time I don't know that reason until after the fact. This situation with Alec is no different. Why the hell is this happening?? Damnit, I got a good ass man on my hands too! I mean, we are both in the military and we both have our "emotional" moments, so what if "the M word" becomes a factor?? Will I actually do it after all the bitchin' and moanin' I have been doing about how much I hate it?!
Wait, wait, wait. I am getting ahead of myself here. I haven't even met the guy yet lol! But, oddly enough, that's how I got my 1st boyfriend when I was 16. We talked first and then got together all before knowing what the other looked like.. Well, he knew what I looked like but I didn't know about him. I went on instincts. And that worked out just fine. So I know Alec will be the same way..
But that boy has gotten to me. I wanna do everything from make love to pay bills together. Damn, I'm slick gone, yall! But not too much. I'm still ME. I still DO me. And if he is making me out to be a fool then God help us all because I aint havin' it!
Aight. I can't believe I just did this shit but I did. We'll see how this goes. Peace!
~*Pie*
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Friday, February 5, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Musings on Marriage
If I am SuperGirl, well on my way to becoming SuperWoman, then marriage and children are surely my Kryptonite.
Some women only want to fall in love, marry, have children and live happily ever after. And then there are some who are more career-minded, but somehow still want what their feminine, maternal instincts beckon.
I want none of that. My flesh crawls and curtles at the very notion of anything that is traditionally dictated by my gender. I simply want to be a successful Sailor. And, with God's Blessing upon my life, I have sowed the first seeds for that to occur. And that is what I wake up to every morning and cuddle with every night.
The notion that I could fall in love, get married, lose my ambitions and become a lowly wife, submitting to a man, "the man of the house", scares the living shit out of me. I don't want that! Not now. Not for another 8 years or so.
I think it is perfectly fine to not have a "family" until I am in my 30s. I just don't like the on going trend of getting married and poppin' out kids by the age of 21. Who does that anyway??
Wait, you know who does that? Military couples. And that has got to be the most unwise thing I have ever witnessed. Yes, I know service people get lonely and want someone to come back home to. That is all fine, dandy and human. But to actually go out and marry someone you barely know?? Or, hell, know very well! Absence does make the heart grow fonder, but it also makes you want to fuck. Plain and simple. The divorce rate is, what, 50%?? And people want to add to that, ignorantly thinking "oh, we'll be different!" God, bless your poor souls. I thought the same way once.
And then, as I was browsing blogs, I found one from a young military wife that stated "they say this is, after all, the hardest job to have." The "hardest job" being that of a civilian who is married to a military service person, or a military wife, plain and fuckin simple.
But I mean really? REALLY?? Really now? You have it so damn hard because you CHOSE to marry someone who will not be there over half of the time? All you do is sit there and be lonely and bitch and moan and then hit up Craigslist for someone to "hold you over" while your spouse, the one with the REAL hard job, goes out there and risks it all. All YOU did was fall in love and wait, not fight for this country.
Okay, sorry to ramble like that. Whew! Lol. But my point is that marriage, children, family, all of that, is just not appealing to me. Not in the least bit. Not at all. I run from it like vampires run from the sun. Just no. Hell no. I don't know what causes me to have such an irrational, unbridled hatred for such an institution as marriage, but that is how I feel. Maybe it's the fact I know what my expected "role" will be as a woman. Maybe it's because I don't want to settle and be chained down. And maybe it's because I am mature enough to know I don't want to be a wife and would therefore make a horrible mother and spouse.
But I see how people's lives have been drastically altered because they "fell in love." And if love does that, then I don't want it. And as of now, God has not presented me with love outside of Ladarrius, which was a necessary evil to get my life in the Navy direction. God knows that love would distract me and take me off my path. I'm meant for Greatness. And what would the point of meeting "The One" right now if I am not ready, anyway? I would fuck up a good thing.
So, no I don't want any of that. And I don't want my spouse to cheat on me while I'm away, which happens PLENTY of times with military couples. Nothing about marriage is attractive to me. It's almost hard to articulate how I feel but I guess I have done a good enough job for now:) Hopefully yall get my meaning??
~*Pie*
Some women only want to fall in love, marry, have children and live happily ever after. And then there are some who are more career-minded, but somehow still want what their feminine, maternal instincts beckon.
I want none of that. My flesh crawls and curtles at the very notion of anything that is traditionally dictated by my gender. I simply want to be a successful Sailor. And, with God's Blessing upon my life, I have sowed the first seeds for that to occur. And that is what I wake up to every morning and cuddle with every night.
The notion that I could fall in love, get married, lose my ambitions and become a lowly wife, submitting to a man, "the man of the house", scares the living shit out of me. I don't want that! Not now. Not for another 8 years or so.
I think it is perfectly fine to not have a "family" until I am in my 30s. I just don't like the on going trend of getting married and poppin' out kids by the age of 21. Who does that anyway??
Wait, you know who does that? Military couples. And that has got to be the most unwise thing I have ever witnessed. Yes, I know service people get lonely and want someone to come back home to. That is all fine, dandy and human. But to actually go out and marry someone you barely know?? Or, hell, know very well! Absence does make the heart grow fonder, but it also makes you want to fuck. Plain and simple. The divorce rate is, what, 50%?? And people want to add to that, ignorantly thinking "oh, we'll be different!" God, bless your poor souls. I thought the same way once.
And then, as I was browsing blogs, I found one from a young military wife that stated "they say this is, after all, the hardest job to have." The "hardest job" being that of a civilian who is married to a military service person, or a military wife, plain and fuckin simple.
But I mean really? REALLY?? Really now? You have it so damn hard because you CHOSE to marry someone who will not be there over half of the time? All you do is sit there and be lonely and bitch and moan and then hit up Craigslist for someone to "hold you over" while your spouse, the one with the REAL hard job, goes out there and risks it all. All YOU did was fall in love and wait, not fight for this country.
Okay, sorry to ramble like that. Whew! Lol. But my point is that marriage, children, family, all of that, is just not appealing to me. Not in the least bit. Not at all. I run from it like vampires run from the sun. Just no. Hell no. I don't know what causes me to have such an irrational, unbridled hatred for such an institution as marriage, but that is how I feel. Maybe it's the fact I know what my expected "role" will be as a woman. Maybe it's because I don't want to settle and be chained down. And maybe it's because I am mature enough to know I don't want to be a wife and would therefore make a horrible mother and spouse.
But I see how people's lives have been drastically altered because they "fell in love." And if love does that, then I don't want it. And as of now, God has not presented me with love outside of Ladarrius, which was a necessary evil to get my life in the Navy direction. God knows that love would distract me and take me off my path. I'm meant for Greatness. And what would the point of meeting "The One" right now if I am not ready, anyway? I would fuck up a good thing.
So, no I don't want any of that. And I don't want my spouse to cheat on me while I'm away, which happens PLENTY of times with military couples. Nothing about marriage is attractive to me. It's almost hard to articulate how I feel but I guess I have done a good enough job for now:) Hopefully yall get my meaning??
~*Pie*
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