I talked to my recruiter today.
My IFA, or Initial Fitness Assessment, that I must do before I go to boot camp has been taken care of.
My recruiter and I are due to workout together some time this week or this weekend since he lives right down the street from me. Yeah, right. It's almost a little late for that don't you think? And where have I heard this ongoing lie before? Yeah. Exactly.
My next and final weigh-in before I go to boot camp is August 2nd, this coming Monday. My recruiter said he would come and get me and for that I am thankful because I now live on the other side of town from where my recruiting office and MEPS is. Were he not coming to get me, this may not have been possible.
I still have yet to call the new chief and check in with him. I suck, I know.
I workout 6 days a week now. Sunday is my off day. I was nervous that I would not be able to work out in my sister's apartment complex's fitness room but things worked out. I just walked my ass in and started working out like I lived there lol. And they have never questioned me:)
I seem to have lost weight, but I cannot really tell because I am so critical of myself and look at myself daily. Someone else may be able to see what I can not. Hopefully my progress will show at this next weigh-in. According to the fitness room scale, with my shoes off, clothes on and dripping wet with sweat from my workout, I weigh about 167. That is what I weighed at my last weigh-in and I was in a bra and panties when that was taken. So hopefully I weigh even less than that when I take my clothes off:) And my waist is about 29.5 inches; down from the 30 inches it was before. Now let's just pray that my measurements will be taken correctly this last go around, for there is massive room for error with these things. But we will find out this Monday.
I started back jogging again last week I think it was and today I was full out running on the treadmill. Time to get back at it. My only issue is me getting bored with it. My breathing and stamina seem to be fine. My mind is the only thing stopping me.
And my shin is fine, for those of you wondering:) I ice it down and massage it with Tiger Balm every night in perparation for the next day's run. I am carefuk with how I place my foot when I run as well. That matters a lot. And I don't run on concrete or hard surfaces.
My shin bone feels very lumpy and uneven, and I am sure that is from it healing itself from the splints and fractures I had. But at least it is healed:)
And I still layer it up in my stomach band, sauna/ fat boy suit, and sweat shirt when I work out. The only difference is I don't wear the sauna pants anymore. I just cannot do it anymore lol.
Annnnd that is about it. Not much is going on with me since I am unemployed and trapped in the house for the most part. But I will have more to tell later on.
Toddles!
~Sailor Taylor
Showing posts with label The Navy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Navy. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
The Pre- Round Two Weigh-In
To start off I want to say that I got some diuretics to get rid of some excess water weight. That HAD to be my issue. I was working out, drinking MAD amounts of water, cut down on my eating, and yet still saw no results. I was getting pretty frustrated and pissed and distraught and every other negative mental state of mind I can think of. I knew stressing wasn't good for me but what else was I going to do? I have 5 weeks left and I am still a "fatty."
And it didn't help that my damn recruiters didn't show up to work out with me like they said they would. I figured they were full of shit and were just talking mess in front of the senior chief. Turns out I was right:( And to top it off, we were supposed to workout together the Friday right before the 4th of July weekend. Like, really?? Yeah, that wasn't about to happen. But silly me, I believed them. Either way, I showed up at the gym when I was supposed to and did my own workout solo.
But anyhoe! After taking Diurex, I had to use the rest room like crazy. And after a shorter workout than I was used to on Friday (I was just plain tired), I weighed and measured myself. Even though my measurements were still the same (shit!), I have lost weight! I lost about 2 lbs. I am down from 172 to 170. Yay for small victories! So maybe it was just water weight? But if that was the case, why didn't I lose any inches?? Hm! Who knows? But I must lose inches! They are sure to follow, right??
But back to my story..
I randomly got called by my recruiter on the Friday I just mentioned (July 9th) saying that my 2nd weigh-in would be on this Wednesday and that I needed to come in the office that day as well. He was in a good mood and I thought nothing of it, so I stopped by the office. And then all hell broke loose.
Both my recruiters were obviously excited and upset and were talking over each other trying to tell me what transpired earlier that day. They were fire hot and with good reason. What happened went a little like this:
Both my recruiters were called down to MEPS for a district/ zone meeting with the new chief over all the recruiters and the people at MEPS. That is where one of the chiefs that I blogged about earlier who SAID he would help me out and keep my weight under wraps ratted me out in cold blood to the new chief. Even though he and the senior chief supposedly agreed to be hush-hush about my weight at my last weigh-in, this guy lied, went back on his word, and reported my weight anyway. And he told the new chief about my weight issue in the district meeting in front the entire district and my recruiters. That back stabber!
Immediately the new chief cut into my recruiters and words were said. My recruiters said they had never been spoken to so harshly. And to make matters MUCH worse, my recruiter, the head recruiter in the office, got demoted because of me. He will still be a recruiter but not the head recruiter, and it's all because I gained weight and he is the one who put me in the Navy. That is a slap in his face. His record is impeccable. He recruits twice as many people as almost any other recruiting office. But none of that matters when it came to my weight. They took the title of head recruiter away from him because I fucked up. And for that I am truly sorry. I didn't want anyone to get hurt on my behalf..
But once they told me all of this, that is when they told me that the chief was coming by the office to talk to me.
Shit!
So, in a nut shell, he came by and we spoke. I had to FIGHT to keep my ass in the Navy. I was near tears. I DO want this, I just got complacent. But who wouldn't during a 6 month wait? I thought I had more time. I didn't think my weight would balloon out of control like this. I didn't think that ass hole lady at MEPS would measure me and fuck up my numbers (I mentioned her in a previous blog)..
But the chief said even though his ass was on the line as well because of my weight (as in he could get in trouble too for sending a "fat shipper" to boot camp. I resent being called "fat.") he would still work with me. But where have I heard that from?? Yeah. So, it's safe to say that I am not trusting anybody right now, but all I have is this one last chance so I have to take it.. But I knew that if did get kicked out the Navy that day I would have walked my ass on over to the Army office and joined, lol!
But I did almost get kicked out. All the chief had to do was turn my name into Millington and that would have been IT for me. No more Navy. No more $20,000 LRP. No more new life away from Memphis.
But now I have to call the chief and check in with him about once a week. Great.
But get this. Even though I didn't get kicked out the Navy, that chief at MEPS that ratted me out apparently turned my name into Millington anyway and now I am officially on their hit list. An official email was sent out via the Navy's intranet and my name was on it along with many others. That means I am on the bulls eye for getting kicked out due to my weight. "They" are watching me.
And because I was "turned in", the chief had me weighed and measured again. I went down from 171/172 lbs to about 168, according to my recruiters and the what the scale said in their office (I didn't question it!). Also, according to my official measurements from MEPS, I am not 5'2", but 5'2.75". THAT helps a whole hell of a lot!
But after my weight was taken I was sent over to the Army office to be measured by two females because men cannot take female measurements...
Y'all, had my recruiters told me I was going to get measured that day I would have worn underwear. Lol! I was sooooooo embarrassed! But oh well! I don't wear underwear all the time and this was one of those times! Haha.. Well, I guess that whole "wear clean underwear" thing Momma used to talk about came into play at that very moment. LMAO! And once I told the two ladies that I wasn't wearing any undies, they said they would measure me over my pants instead of having me pull them down. They seem slightly shocked, but I know they have run across women who don't wear panties before. Oops:)
Long story short, between both of those ladies measuring me, my hips went down from 43 inches to 40. And with me being 5'2.75", my overall body weight went from 36 percent to 33 percent. Yay! That is a VERY good look for me. I have gone down 3 percent in about a week and a half. But really I haven't. That woman at MEPS that measured me before did a fucked up job and took my hip measurements too low..
But anyway! That's my long ass story. My recruiters got in trouble because of me, I almost got kicked out the Navy, and this Wednesday I have another weigh-in. So pray for me! I have fallen victim to McDonald's recently and I am bloated and feel fat:( Lord help me! Food will be the end of me. So here I am working out in a sweat suit on TOP of my stomach belt and plastic PVC sauna suit and taking laxatives. It is hot as FUCK, but I have to do it. I have to combat an entire life span of improper eating habits in about 4 weeks... IF I really want this. And I do.
Lord, help me!
~Sailor Taylor
And it didn't help that my damn recruiters didn't show up to work out with me like they said they would. I figured they were full of shit and were just talking mess in front of the senior chief. Turns out I was right:( And to top it off, we were supposed to workout together the Friday right before the 4th of July weekend. Like, really?? Yeah, that wasn't about to happen. But silly me, I believed them. Either way, I showed up at the gym when I was supposed to and did my own workout solo.
But anyhoe! After taking Diurex, I had to use the rest room like crazy. And after a shorter workout than I was used to on Friday (I was just plain tired), I weighed and measured myself. Even though my measurements were still the same (shit!), I have lost weight! I lost about 2 lbs. I am down from 172 to 170. Yay for small victories! So maybe it was just water weight? But if that was the case, why didn't I lose any inches?? Hm! Who knows? But I must lose inches! They are sure to follow, right??
But back to my story..
I randomly got called by my recruiter on the Friday I just mentioned (July 9th) saying that my 2nd weigh-in would be on this Wednesday and that I needed to come in the office that day as well. He was in a good mood and I thought nothing of it, so I stopped by the office. And then all hell broke loose.
Both my recruiters were obviously excited and upset and were talking over each other trying to tell me what transpired earlier that day. They were fire hot and with good reason. What happened went a little like this:
Both my recruiters were called down to MEPS for a district/ zone meeting with the new chief over all the recruiters and the people at MEPS. That is where one of the chiefs that I blogged about earlier who SAID he would help me out and keep my weight under wraps ratted me out in cold blood to the new chief. Even though he and the senior chief supposedly agreed to be hush-hush about my weight at my last weigh-in, this guy lied, went back on his word, and reported my weight anyway. And he told the new chief about my weight issue in the district meeting in front the entire district and my recruiters. That back stabber!
Immediately the new chief cut into my recruiters and words were said. My recruiters said they had never been spoken to so harshly. And to make matters MUCH worse, my recruiter, the head recruiter in the office, got demoted because of me. He will still be a recruiter but not the head recruiter, and it's all because I gained weight and he is the one who put me in the Navy. That is a slap in his face. His record is impeccable. He recruits twice as many people as almost any other recruiting office. But none of that matters when it came to my weight. They took the title of head recruiter away from him because I fucked up. And for that I am truly sorry. I didn't want anyone to get hurt on my behalf..
But once they told me all of this, that is when they told me that the chief was coming by the office to talk to me.
Shit!
So, in a nut shell, he came by and we spoke. I had to FIGHT to keep my ass in the Navy. I was near tears. I DO want this, I just got complacent. But who wouldn't during a 6 month wait? I thought I had more time. I didn't think my weight would balloon out of control like this. I didn't think that ass hole lady at MEPS would measure me and fuck up my numbers (I mentioned her in a previous blog)..
But the chief said even though his ass was on the line as well because of my weight (as in he could get in trouble too for sending a "fat shipper" to boot camp. I resent being called "fat.") he would still work with me. But where have I heard that from?? Yeah. So, it's safe to say that I am not trusting anybody right now, but all I have is this one last chance so I have to take it.. But I knew that if did get kicked out the Navy that day I would have walked my ass on over to the Army office and joined, lol!
But I did almost get kicked out. All the chief had to do was turn my name into Millington and that would have been IT for me. No more Navy. No more $20,000 LRP. No more new life away from Memphis.
But now I have to call the chief and check in with him about once a week. Great.
But get this. Even though I didn't get kicked out the Navy, that chief at MEPS that ratted me out apparently turned my name into Millington anyway and now I am officially on their hit list. An official email was sent out via the Navy's intranet and my name was on it along with many others. That means I am on the bulls eye for getting kicked out due to my weight. "They" are watching me.
And because I was "turned in", the chief had me weighed and measured again. I went down from 171/172 lbs to about 168, according to my recruiters and the what the scale said in their office (I didn't question it!). Also, according to my official measurements from MEPS, I am not 5'2", but 5'2.75". THAT helps a whole hell of a lot!
But after my weight was taken I was sent over to the Army office to be measured by two females because men cannot take female measurements...
Y'all, had my recruiters told me I was going to get measured that day I would have worn underwear. Lol! I was sooooooo embarrassed! But oh well! I don't wear underwear all the time and this was one of those times! Haha.. Well, I guess that whole "wear clean underwear" thing Momma used to talk about came into play at that very moment. LMAO! And once I told the two ladies that I wasn't wearing any undies, they said they would measure me over my pants instead of having me pull them down. They seem slightly shocked, but I know they have run across women who don't wear panties before. Oops:)
Long story short, between both of those ladies measuring me, my hips went down from 43 inches to 40. And with me being 5'2.75", my overall body weight went from 36 percent to 33 percent. Yay! That is a VERY good look for me. I have gone down 3 percent in about a week and a half. But really I haven't. That woman at MEPS that measured me before did a fucked up job and took my hip measurements too low..
But anyway! That's my long ass story. My recruiters got in trouble because of me, I almost got kicked out the Navy, and this Wednesday I have another weigh-in. So pray for me! I have fallen victim to McDonald's recently and I am bloated and feel fat:( Lord help me! Food will be the end of me. So here I am working out in a sweat suit on TOP of my stomach belt and plastic PVC sauna suit and taking laxatives. It is hot as FUCK, but I have to do it. I have to combat an entire life span of improper eating habits in about 4 weeks... IF I really want this. And I do.
Lord, help me!
~Sailor Taylor
Monday, May 17, 2010
Brick Shat, Revisited
Okay, so no sooner do I type an angry blog about my LRP and how the Navy has screwed me over do I get some somewhat good news.
The day after I posted that blog I got a phone call from my recruiter saying that my paper work had a "G" next to it in the system, meaning that everything was okay.. With my paperwork, that is. Now it's the waiting game to see if the Navy will approve my packet, which they should.
I asked a fellow shipmate/former classmate who went through this crap before me how long she waited to get approved and she said like 2 MONTHS AFTER SHE PUT THE PACKET IN!! She then went on to say that the Navy drags their sweet ass time to give the green light because they actually approve the packet TWO DAYS after it is submitted.. Then why the hell do I have to wait two damn months to find out?? Thanks, Navy. Bravo Zulu:^(
Not.
And I asked my recruiter if I could go ahead and ship out early even though I am waiting on the verdict for my LRP and, you know, and find out later on in boot camp if I got it or not..
He said no. So my ass is stuck here for the next two months, at least. Hell.
But, since I am here and trying to ship out early, I was given "orders" (so to speak) by a Chief at MEPS to monitor my weight.. Which in my case means to lose weight. I was 164 when I joined. I am now 169.. Roughly.
So, yeah, I got my work cut out for me. I have to lose weight, remember my General Orders and re-remember the Sailor's Creed and the phonetic alphabet.. All the while writing papers for my Senior Chief and recruiter for money:) And let's not forget hanging out with beloved friends and family while I still can.
So, I'll be busy. I just need to stop fretting and get it together..
Peace, you guys:)
-Sailor Taylor
The day after I posted that blog I got a phone call from my recruiter saying that my paper work had a "G" next to it in the system, meaning that everything was okay.. With my paperwork, that is. Now it's the waiting game to see if the Navy will approve my packet, which they should.
I asked a fellow shipmate/former classmate who went through this crap before me how long she waited to get approved and she said like 2 MONTHS AFTER SHE PUT THE PACKET IN!! She then went on to say that the Navy drags their sweet ass time to give the green light because they actually approve the packet TWO DAYS after it is submitted.. Then why the hell do I have to wait two damn months to find out?? Thanks, Navy. Bravo Zulu:^(
Not.
And I asked my recruiter if I could go ahead and ship out early even though I am waiting on the verdict for my LRP and, you know, and find out later on in boot camp if I got it or not..
He said no. So my ass is stuck here for the next two months, at least. Hell.
But, since I am here and trying to ship out early, I was given "orders" (so to speak) by a Chief at MEPS to monitor my weight.. Which in my case means to lose weight. I was 164 when I joined. I am now 169.. Roughly.
So, yeah, I got my work cut out for me. I have to lose weight, remember my General Orders and re-remember the Sailor's Creed and the phonetic alphabet.. All the while writing papers for my Senior Chief and recruiter for money:) And let's not forget hanging out with beloved friends and family while I still can.
So, I'll be busy. I just need to stop fretting and get it together..
Peace, you guys:)
-Sailor Taylor
Thursday, May 13, 2010
I Could Have SHAT A Brick!!
This is a potentially long story (but what isn't with me??), but I will try to keep it under wraps..
Due to Direct Loans and the Navy both fucking up and taking their damn sweet ass time, my loan may not get repaid by the Navy..
Let me explain..
Within 90 days after enlisting, I have to turn my Loan Repayment Packet(LRP.. Or something close to that) into the Navy to *request* that they pay my college loan off. It's an application packet that has to be filled out JUST SO. Any errors in it can either set me back or cause my loan repayment request to be denied. No one is guaranteed that they will automatically get their loans repaid. You have to apply for that perk. Ugh.
But guess what? I am in serious danger of not being within that 90 day time limit. I'm not exactly sure if it's 90 days after I enlisted or 90 days before I ship. Either way, my ass is in some sick limbo. I have been going back and forth with Direct Loans (the company that gave me my student loans) and the Navy for over a month about this shit. Really, I have been dealing with this crap since I joined back in January. This shouldn't have been the case. Both parties dropped the ball and here I am left getting ass fucked without so much as a kiss on the lips.
So when I came into the recruiting office this past Tuesday, my recruiters said that my situation is SO fucked up that they suggest that IF I don't get my loans paid off with the Navy's LRP, that I need to DROP OUT THE DAMN NAVY AND REENLIST TO BUY MYSELF MORE TIME TO GET MY LRP APPLICATION RESUBMITTED AND APPROVED. This situation is called "Trite." To trite is to be discharged from the Navy. I would be eligible to reenlist a month later and virtually start all over again. 5 months into my 8 month wait, they want me to drop out and start all over again?!
My heart stopped. I wanted to break down and cry.
WHAT?!?
After ALL I have been through they want me to drop out the Navy and "try again" to get my loans paid off?! This shouldn't be! If everyone was on their shit and acted as if their jobs actually depended on them doing their job, I would have not fallen through the cracks! But here I am, hoping and praying that my LRP gets accepted/approved and I am not suck with $20,000 in debt..
You know, initially I wanted to join the Navy regardless. It wasn't about being an officer, it was about being a NAVY officer and then about being IN the Navy. Period. But twenty-fuckin-thousand dollars puts a lot into perspective, ya know?! I didn't get a signing bonus. The economy is so bad they aren't giving those out anymore. But I was okay with that because I was getting all my loans paid off.. Or so I thought..
But what do I have now? Look at me. I am 23 year old college graduate who joined the Navy with no signing bonus and now there is a strong possibility that I may not even get my loans paid off.
What else is there for me? I sacrificed so much for this. I knew I wanted to join the military two years ago so I didn't get an internship in my field. I didn't get a career in graphic design because I thought I would be leaving here soon enough to "start my new life in the Navy..." I even didn't have a child because I wanted to be a sailor. The world was waiting on me, so I thought. I couldn't be a mother. Not yet..
But here I am.. Almost screwed and weighing my options..
What am I going to do now?
Well, I could trite and reenlist. Or I could join the Army as an officer. At least they would take care of me, right? Or I could stay in the Navy regardless and pay my loans off month by month the old fashioned way.. But WHY do that when THE NAVY SHOULD BE PAYING IT OFF?!? Uuuuuggggghhhhh!! Shit like this makes my ass itch and my head hurt:(
I'll keep you guys posted but something has got to give. Pray for me, yall!
~Sailor Taylor
Due to Direct Loans and the Navy both fucking up and taking their damn sweet ass time, my loan may not get repaid by the Navy..
Let me explain..
Within 90 days after enlisting, I have to turn my Loan Repayment Packet(LRP.. Or something close to that) into the Navy to *request* that they pay my college loan off. It's an application packet that has to be filled out JUST SO. Any errors in it can either set me back or cause my loan repayment request to be denied. No one is guaranteed that they will automatically get their loans repaid. You have to apply for that perk. Ugh.
But guess what? I am in serious danger of not being within that 90 day time limit. I'm not exactly sure if it's 90 days after I enlisted or 90 days before I ship. Either way, my ass is in some sick limbo. I have been going back and forth with Direct Loans (the company that gave me my student loans) and the Navy for over a month about this shit. Really, I have been dealing with this crap since I joined back in January. This shouldn't have been the case. Both parties dropped the ball and here I am left getting ass fucked without so much as a kiss on the lips.
So when I came into the recruiting office this past Tuesday, my recruiters said that my situation is SO fucked up that they suggest that IF I don't get my loans paid off with the Navy's LRP, that I need to DROP OUT THE DAMN NAVY AND REENLIST TO BUY MYSELF MORE TIME TO GET MY LRP APPLICATION RESUBMITTED AND APPROVED. This situation is called "Trite." To trite is to be discharged from the Navy. I would be eligible to reenlist a month later and virtually start all over again. 5 months into my 8 month wait, they want me to drop out and start all over again?!
My heart stopped. I wanted to break down and cry.
WHAT?!?
After ALL I have been through they want me to drop out the Navy and "try again" to get my loans paid off?! This shouldn't be! If everyone was on their shit and acted as if their jobs actually depended on them doing their job, I would have not fallen through the cracks! But here I am, hoping and praying that my LRP gets accepted/approved and I am not suck with $20,000 in debt..
You know, initially I wanted to join the Navy regardless. It wasn't about being an officer, it was about being a NAVY officer and then about being IN the Navy. Period. But twenty-fuckin-thousand dollars puts a lot into perspective, ya know?! I didn't get a signing bonus. The economy is so bad they aren't giving those out anymore. But I was okay with that because I was getting all my loans paid off.. Or so I thought..
But what do I have now? Look at me. I am 23 year old college graduate who joined the Navy with no signing bonus and now there is a strong possibility that I may not even get my loans paid off.
What else is there for me? I sacrificed so much for this. I knew I wanted to join the military two years ago so I didn't get an internship in my field. I didn't get a career in graphic design because I thought I would be leaving here soon enough to "start my new life in the Navy..." I even didn't have a child because I wanted to be a sailor. The world was waiting on me, so I thought. I couldn't be a mother. Not yet..
But here I am.. Almost screwed and weighing my options..
What am I going to do now?
Well, I could trite and reenlist. Or I could join the Army as an officer. At least they would take care of me, right? Or I could stay in the Navy regardless and pay my loans off month by month the old fashioned way.. But WHY do that when THE NAVY SHOULD BE PAYING IT OFF?!? Uuuuuggggghhhhh!! Shit like this makes my ass itch and my head hurt:(
I'll keep you guys posted but something has got to give. Pray for me, yall!
~Sailor Taylor
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Wait, So I'm NOT In The Navy??
I keep hearing from various naval sources and people I interact with that DEPpers are not "officially" in the military.
What??
Did I not get sworn in? Did I not biometrically sign my 6 year contract with the Navy with my fingerprint? Yes, a *fingerprint.* It was just that serious.
And am I not held to all civilian and military rules and codes of conduct now? I am. I can get kicked out the Navy now for screwing up, even if I haven't gone to boot camp yet. And the correct term is "kicked out." But how can I be kicked out of what everyone says I am not a part of?
But a shipmate of mine, or a "future shipmate" I guess I should say, told me this on Facebook: "As for not being official...you must face it... until you lose the 'Recruit Ball Cap'..in your last week of boot camp and receive the 'Navy Ball Cap' at the ceremony...you are not official."
What kind of funky ass shit is that?! I would think by boot camp at least I am "in", but NO! Ugh, this is SO Assbackwardia.
I mean, how is THAT for motivation? Yes, I want this more than anything (Alec is next in line. I wanna marry him=)), but this is disheartening. I feel a fool for saying I am in the Navy now and like a poser when I wear my DEP shirt. But I know in my heart I am in the Navy. This too shall pass. And that will be when I graduate boot camp. But until then, I will keep on keepin' on!
~*Sailor Taylor*
What??
Did I not get sworn in? Did I not biometrically sign my 6 year contract with the Navy with my fingerprint? Yes, a *fingerprint.* It was just that serious.
And am I not held to all civilian and military rules and codes of conduct now? I am. I can get kicked out the Navy now for screwing up, even if I haven't gone to boot camp yet. And the correct term is "kicked out." But how can I be kicked out of what everyone says I am not a part of?
But a shipmate of mine, or a "future shipmate" I guess I should say, told me this on Facebook: "As for not being official...you must face it... until you lose the 'Recruit Ball Cap'..in your last week of boot camp and receive the 'Navy Ball Cap' at the ceremony...you are not official."
What kind of funky ass shit is that?! I would think by boot camp at least I am "in", but NO! Ugh, this is SO Assbackwardia.
I mean, how is THAT for motivation? Yes, I want this more than anything (Alec is next in line. I wanna marry him=)), but this is disheartening. I feel a fool for saying I am in the Navy now and like a poser when I wear my DEP shirt. But I know in my heart I am in the Navy. This too shall pass. And that will be when I graduate boot camp. But until then, I will keep on keepin' on!
~*Sailor Taylor*
Thursday, February 11, 2010
My Very First Delayed Entry Program Meeting:)
So, before I talk about today, let me start by saying that I went to my recruiter's office on Tuesday to pick up me DEP folder as opposed to our scheduled meeting on Monday because of the "snow storm" we had that day (lol at Memphis and our lack of knowing how to cope with winter weather). I entered the office as usual and learned that out meeting would be scheduled for today (Thursday) and that my DEP folder would be ready then. As I was leaving the office, Wooddard (one of the Petty Officers) asked me if my recruiter showed me how to enter and exit the office..
I was like "Huh?!?" I'm thinking "How am I SUPPOSED to enter and exit the office?!? I can't just walk my ass in??" But Wooddard assured me that I would find out Thursday in a voice that was all too calm. So calm that I was a bit horrified, lol. I don't like being in the wrong or ignorant about things or not the very best at everything (I'm slick competitive lol). So I went on Facebook on the women's Navy site, and asked about what Petty Officer Wooddard was talking about.
Apparently I was supposed to step just inside, turn and salute the US flag, turn and salute my recruiters and say "Future Sailor Taylor, requesting to come aboard." They then salute me back and grant me permission to "come aboard", which friggin' means come in the dame office lol. I then do the same thing, but backwards when I am leaving and say "Future Sailor Taylor, requesting permission to go ashore.." They salute me and then I go. And "ashore" means to go on land. It's a no brainer, I tell you.
So I ran this by my recruiter, who told me that now that I knew what I was supposed to do that and if I messed up then I would be make to "push the deck", which are push-ups, or whatever else they thought of..
I'm like FUCKIN' WHAAAAAT?! I'm supposed to know HOW and then get punished when these guys have literally shown me *nothing* and I had to find out on my own what I'm supposed to do?? Naw, man, naw! But then my recruiter said that they would show me ONCE and after that my ass would get it if I messed up. I was nervous as hell then. Having anxiety and everything lol.
So I came in today and Wooddard showed me what I was supposed to do. It wasn't hard, but out of my comfort zone. And I want to be good at everything in the Navy, so I was especially nervous. I always am nervous when I really care about something and want to be really good at it..
So I did that, filled out *even more* damn paper work for my DEP folder, was given important info to remember about the Navy, and then it was time for me to go. It wasn't really a meeting because of the President's Day holiday coming up, so I just filled out my papers..
But I knew I was going to fuck up the damn exit salute when I left. I just knew it. I did not have everything down pack.
So I messed up. And Wooddard made me do the slowest, most painful push-ups and "hold its" (where I hold the up and down position of a push up) imaginable. My arms were shaking. I couldn't even do 5 slowly when I can do at least 22 fast. He was fucking with me, of course. But that's how it will be in boot camp, but A LOT worse. *Tear* I didn't even wear the right bra for all that. I called myself tryna wear my cute pink, lacey push-up for a nice, round life. But my tits were poppin' out and some mo' shit! It looked like I had 3 titties lol!
Eventually he just let me go. I couldn't do what he was asking for. My ass and hips were too heavy and my lower back was killing me. I kept falling down. And my arms shook so! But now I know how I need to practice doing push-ups. I felt the burn. It was nice. But semi-humiliating. And I'm sure he was gazing at my delicious ass as I was executing the exercise. Ah, oh well. Let 'em look. I just want to be a great and successful Sailor Taylor:)
My next DEP meeting is next month. I have ass loads of stuff to study. My Navy career is riding on this and I'm excited:) More later.
~*Pie*
I was like "Huh?!?" I'm thinking "How am I SUPPOSED to enter and exit the office?!? I can't just walk my ass in??" But Wooddard assured me that I would find out Thursday in a voice that was all too calm. So calm that I was a bit horrified, lol. I don't like being in the wrong or ignorant about things or not the very best at everything (I'm slick competitive lol). So I went on Facebook on the women's Navy site, and asked about what Petty Officer Wooddard was talking about.
Apparently I was supposed to step just inside, turn and salute the US flag, turn and salute my recruiters and say "Future Sailor Taylor, requesting to come aboard." They then salute me back and grant me permission to "come aboard", which friggin' means come in the dame office lol. I then do the same thing, but backwards when I am leaving and say "Future Sailor Taylor, requesting permission to go ashore.." They salute me and then I go. And "ashore" means to go on land. It's a no brainer, I tell you.
So I ran this by my recruiter, who told me that now that I knew what I was supposed to do that and if I messed up then I would be make to "push the deck", which are push-ups, or whatever else they thought of..
I'm like FUCKIN' WHAAAAAT?! I'm supposed to know HOW and then get punished when these guys have literally shown me *nothing* and I had to find out on my own what I'm supposed to do?? Naw, man, naw! But then my recruiter said that they would show me ONCE and after that my ass would get it if I messed up. I was nervous as hell then. Having anxiety and everything lol.
So I came in today and Wooddard showed me what I was supposed to do. It wasn't hard, but out of my comfort zone. And I want to be good at everything in the Navy, so I was especially nervous. I always am nervous when I really care about something and want to be really good at it..
So I did that, filled out *even more* damn paper work for my DEP folder, was given important info to remember about the Navy, and then it was time for me to go. It wasn't really a meeting because of the President's Day holiday coming up, so I just filled out my papers..
But I knew I was going to fuck up the damn exit salute when I left. I just knew it. I did not have everything down pack.
So I messed up. And Wooddard made me do the slowest, most painful push-ups and "hold its" (where I hold the up and down position of a push up) imaginable. My arms were shaking. I couldn't even do 5 slowly when I can do at least 22 fast. He was fucking with me, of course. But that's how it will be in boot camp, but A LOT worse. *Tear* I didn't even wear the right bra for all that. I called myself tryna wear my cute pink, lacey push-up for a nice, round life. But my tits were poppin' out and some mo' shit! It looked like I had 3 titties lol!
Eventually he just let me go. I couldn't do what he was asking for. My ass and hips were too heavy and my lower back was killing me. I kept falling down. And my arms shook so! But now I know how I need to practice doing push-ups. I felt the burn. It was nice. But semi-humiliating. And I'm sure he was gazing at my delicious ass as I was executing the exercise. Ah, oh well. Let 'em look. I just want to be a great and successful Sailor Taylor:)
My next DEP meeting is next month. I have ass loads of stuff to study. My Navy career is riding on this and I'm excited:) More later.
~*Pie*
Monday, February 8, 2010
What is This Thing That I Fear?
Why do I have this irrational fear of marriage? Is it because I am more conscious than most, see the world for what it is and know that marriage is not what I want? Is it because I think of marriage as the modern day Peculiar Institution? In my home, in the South, marrying young and having children while in one's early 20s are a way of life. The majority of my graduating class already have children and a few are married as well. But I see all of that as a Death Sentence.
Or do I secretly want a glimpse into this Institution? Am I really that curious to know about it? When I was younger, innocent, having experienced nothing and growing up without a father, all I wanted was Love. I wanted that epic love that I saw in the movies and read about in books. I wanted a "man" to love me like that. I learned the hard way Love just doesn't work like that. Neither does Life.
So after a few heart aches, each one more devastating than the last and ending with my fiasco with Ladarrius, I turned into the harden, cold woman I am today. But that is just a protective shell for the "Real" Me. The Softer Me. I know deep down I cannot always fully ignore her because of moments like this. But the question is when (because I know there is a "when") I will allow her to flourish?
Now here I am at 23 years old, almost an old maid by the South's standards, with a great Soldier by my side. All he wants is for us to be there for one another through thick and thin and have patience(it's a virtue I'm working on!). And with us both being in the military, times WILL get rough. But for as long as I have been talking to Alec, I never thought he would turn into what he is now. It seems like forever until he will be home and hearing from him makes me smile, laugh and tear up. I want to hop on a plane to see him and make sure I stop to pick up some lingerie on the way lol! I don't know if I am going through the motions of being in the military or just caught up in the romanticism of being with a soldier(I'm smart enough and have done this enough to not suffer from those things, I know), but I love it. And one day I want to be IN love with him. And I know he's already on track to falling for me..
So who knows? Even though Alec and I are hundreds of miles away, have conflicting zodiacs(lol) and will one day be half a world apart when he goes to Afghanistan and I to California, maybe this guy is The Guy. The One for me. But only time will tell. I have trust issues and Alec better not break my heart, but I want to give him a try. I'm getting a little older now and I owe it to myself, and then to him, to give US a try. I'm crazy about this guy:)
*Warm fuzzy feelings* lol
~*Pie*
Or do I secretly want a glimpse into this Institution? Am I really that curious to know about it? When I was younger, innocent, having experienced nothing and growing up without a father, all I wanted was Love. I wanted that epic love that I saw in the movies and read about in books. I wanted a "man" to love me like that. I learned the hard way Love just doesn't work like that. Neither does Life.
So after a few heart aches, each one more devastating than the last and ending with my fiasco with Ladarrius, I turned into the harden, cold woman I am today. But that is just a protective shell for the "Real" Me. The Softer Me. I know deep down I cannot always fully ignore her because of moments like this. But the question is when (because I know there is a "when") I will allow her to flourish?
Now here I am at 23 years old, almost an old maid by the South's standards, with a great Soldier by my side. All he wants is for us to be there for one another through thick and thin and have patience(it's a virtue I'm working on!). And with us both being in the military, times WILL get rough. But for as long as I have been talking to Alec, I never thought he would turn into what he is now. It seems like forever until he will be home and hearing from him makes me smile, laugh and tear up. I want to hop on a plane to see him and make sure I stop to pick up some lingerie on the way lol! I don't know if I am going through the motions of being in the military or just caught up in the romanticism of being with a soldier(I'm smart enough and have done this enough to not suffer from those things, I know), but I love it. And one day I want to be IN love with him. And I know he's already on track to falling for me..
So who knows? Even though Alec and I are hundreds of miles away, have conflicting zodiacs(lol) and will one day be half a world apart when he goes to Afghanistan and I to California, maybe this guy is The Guy. The One for me. But only time will tell. I have trust issues and Alec better not break my heart, but I want to give him a try. I'm getting a little older now and I owe it to myself, and then to him, to give US a try. I'm crazy about this guy:)
*Warm fuzzy feelings* lol
~*Pie*
Friday, February 5, 2010
Lord Help Me, Please Tell Me What I Have Gotten Into!
Months ago I revamped my profile on Plenty of Fish (yes, I do the whole online dating thing) because I was ready to get back into the dating game. I chatted with a few guys, most were Shit, and one became my boyfriend. And that boyfriend and I quickly fell off. That child just had too much damn drama!
But through all that, one guy stayed in contact with me: Alec. He's 24, 6 feet, DARK skinned(that's my weakness yall), has a thick football player's build(205lbs! My other weakness!), is an E-4 in the Army, from Mississippi, enlisted in Memphis, and now lives in New York a base that is very close to Canada. He's a helicopter gunner, loves his job, and is the Go-To Guy when his superiors need to get the job done..
We started talking on POF, traded numbers and then took it to Yahoo IM. It took us MONTHS to even hear each other's voices. Some people just are more comfortable with typing their words rather than speaking them. I guess that was us. But I liked his positive attitude and encouraging, kind words:) He is a sweetie, and I think he's really genuine in that because most Soldiers eventually get messy with playing whatever games they are playing. Alec isn't like that. Or at least he doesn't seem to be like that.
Anyway, Alec came home for the holidays, as most service people do, but I was going through a few issues of my own and wasn't really trying to give him time of day anyway. So I didn't get to see him and we didn't speak until he was on his way back to NY. I didn't think anything of it.
And then, somehow, we got to talking again like real hard core. I have no idea how this happened. But we seriously clicked. He started calling me Baby, I started calling him Baby. We got to actually talking on the phone, sending each other pictures, and hearing from one another everyday. He confessed how he was feeling me and wanted to get to know me better and I did the same...
Yall see where I'm going with this, don't you? He said he wanted to be with me and do whatever he had to do to be with me. I kinda brushed it off, me being the untrusting skeptic that I am. What soldier doesn't want a PYT girl waiting on him back home? What soldier doesn't say that? Or something to that effect? That's what was going through my head.
But deep down I do have a soft, feminine side and this guy had reached it. I would think about him and smile at the though of his voice and everything about him. I fell for the idea of Alec.
So today he told me how well he did at the range and I said something to the effect of how well "my man" could shoot. He said "..so it's safe to call you my woman?" I reluctantly and fearfully said "yes." So now I have a boyfriend in New York, in the Army, who I have NEVER met before and is due for a year long deployment to Afghanistan this year.
Lord help me, please tell me what I have gotten into(thanks, Vivian Green)?! I LOVE sex. It's a recreational outlet for me. And, yet, here I am in a long distance relationship with a man who will not be home until this summer. And once he leaves he will be headed for war in the Middle East for the 2nd time while I will be headed to boot camp in Great Lakes, IL. Looks like my pussy is on lock down! Shit:(
You know, there's a reason for everything and most of the time I don't know that reason until after the fact. This situation with Alec is no different. Why the hell is this happening?? Damnit, I got a good ass man on my hands too! I mean, we are both in the military and we both have our "emotional" moments, so what if "the M word" becomes a factor?? Will I actually do it after all the bitchin' and moanin' I have been doing about how much I hate it?!
Wait, wait, wait. I am getting ahead of myself here. I haven't even met the guy yet lol! But, oddly enough, that's how I got my 1st boyfriend when I was 16. We talked first and then got together all before knowing what the other looked like.. Well, he knew what I looked like but I didn't know about him. I went on instincts. And that worked out just fine. So I know Alec will be the same way..
But that boy has gotten to me. I wanna do everything from make love to pay bills together. Damn, I'm slick gone, yall! But not too much. I'm still ME. I still DO me. And if he is making me out to be a fool then God help us all because I aint havin' it!
Aight. I can't believe I just did this shit but I did. We'll see how this goes. Peace!
~*Pie*
But through all that, one guy stayed in contact with me: Alec. He's 24, 6 feet, DARK skinned(that's my weakness yall), has a thick football player's build(205lbs! My other weakness!), is an E-4 in the Army, from Mississippi, enlisted in Memphis, and now lives in New York a base that is very close to Canada. He's a helicopter gunner, loves his job, and is the Go-To Guy when his superiors need to get the job done..
We started talking on POF, traded numbers and then took it to Yahoo IM. It took us MONTHS to even hear each other's voices. Some people just are more comfortable with typing their words rather than speaking them. I guess that was us. But I liked his positive attitude and encouraging, kind words:) He is a sweetie, and I think he's really genuine in that because most Soldiers eventually get messy with playing whatever games they are playing. Alec isn't like that. Or at least he doesn't seem to be like that.
Anyway, Alec came home for the holidays, as most service people do, but I was going through a few issues of my own and wasn't really trying to give him time of day anyway. So I didn't get to see him and we didn't speak until he was on his way back to NY. I didn't think anything of it.
And then, somehow, we got to talking again like real hard core. I have no idea how this happened. But we seriously clicked. He started calling me Baby, I started calling him Baby. We got to actually talking on the phone, sending each other pictures, and hearing from one another everyday. He confessed how he was feeling me and wanted to get to know me better and I did the same...
Yall see where I'm going with this, don't you? He said he wanted to be with me and do whatever he had to do to be with me. I kinda brushed it off, me being the untrusting skeptic that I am. What soldier doesn't want a PYT girl waiting on him back home? What soldier doesn't say that? Or something to that effect? That's what was going through my head.
But deep down I do have a soft, feminine side and this guy had reached it. I would think about him and smile at the though of his voice and everything about him. I fell for the idea of Alec.
So today he told me how well he did at the range and I said something to the effect of how well "my man" could shoot. He said "..so it's safe to call you my woman?" I reluctantly and fearfully said "yes." So now I have a boyfriend in New York, in the Army, who I have NEVER met before and is due for a year long deployment to Afghanistan this year.
Lord help me, please tell me what I have gotten into(thanks, Vivian Green)?! I LOVE sex. It's a recreational outlet for me. And, yet, here I am in a long distance relationship with a man who will not be home until this summer. And once he leaves he will be headed for war in the Middle East for the 2nd time while I will be headed to boot camp in Great Lakes, IL. Looks like my pussy is on lock down! Shit:(
You know, there's a reason for everything and most of the time I don't know that reason until after the fact. This situation with Alec is no different. Why the hell is this happening?? Damnit, I got a good ass man on my hands too! I mean, we are both in the military and we both have our "emotional" moments, so what if "the M word" becomes a factor?? Will I actually do it after all the bitchin' and moanin' I have been doing about how much I hate it?!
Wait, wait, wait. I am getting ahead of myself here. I haven't even met the guy yet lol! But, oddly enough, that's how I got my 1st boyfriend when I was 16. We talked first and then got together all before knowing what the other looked like.. Well, he knew what I looked like but I didn't know about him. I went on instincts. And that worked out just fine. So I know Alec will be the same way..
But that boy has gotten to me. I wanna do everything from make love to pay bills together. Damn, I'm slick gone, yall! But not too much. I'm still ME. I still DO me. And if he is making me out to be a fool then God help us all because I aint havin' it!
Aight. I can't believe I just did this shit but I did. We'll see how this goes. Peace!
~*Pie*
Monday, February 1, 2010
Musings on Marriage
If I am SuperGirl, well on my way to becoming SuperWoman, then marriage and children are surely my Kryptonite.
Some women only want to fall in love, marry, have children and live happily ever after. And then there are some who are more career-minded, but somehow still want what their feminine, maternal instincts beckon.
I want none of that. My flesh crawls and curtles at the very notion of anything that is traditionally dictated by my gender. I simply want to be a successful Sailor. And, with God's Blessing upon my life, I have sowed the first seeds for that to occur. And that is what I wake up to every morning and cuddle with every night.
The notion that I could fall in love, get married, lose my ambitions and become a lowly wife, submitting to a man, "the man of the house", scares the living shit out of me. I don't want that! Not now. Not for another 8 years or so.
I think it is perfectly fine to not have a "family" until I am in my 30s. I just don't like the on going trend of getting married and poppin' out kids by the age of 21. Who does that anyway??
Wait, you know who does that? Military couples. And that has got to be the most unwise thing I have ever witnessed. Yes, I know service people get lonely and want someone to come back home to. That is all fine, dandy and human. But to actually go out and marry someone you barely know?? Or, hell, know very well! Absence does make the heart grow fonder, but it also makes you want to fuck. Plain and simple. The divorce rate is, what, 50%?? And people want to add to that, ignorantly thinking "oh, we'll be different!" God, bless your poor souls. I thought the same way once.
And then, as I was browsing blogs, I found one from a young military wife that stated "they say this is, after all, the hardest job to have." The "hardest job" being that of a civilian who is married to a military service person, or a military wife, plain and fuckin simple.
But I mean really? REALLY?? Really now? You have it so damn hard because you CHOSE to marry someone who will not be there over half of the time? All you do is sit there and be lonely and bitch and moan and then hit up Craigslist for someone to "hold you over" while your spouse, the one with the REAL hard job, goes out there and risks it all. All YOU did was fall in love and wait, not fight for this country.
Okay, sorry to ramble like that. Whew! Lol. But my point is that marriage, children, family, all of that, is just not appealing to me. Not in the least bit. Not at all. I run from it like vampires run from the sun. Just no. Hell no. I don't know what causes me to have such an irrational, unbridled hatred for such an institution as marriage, but that is how I feel. Maybe it's the fact I know what my expected "role" will be as a woman. Maybe it's because I don't want to settle and be chained down. And maybe it's because I am mature enough to know I don't want to be a wife and would therefore make a horrible mother and spouse.
But I see how people's lives have been drastically altered because they "fell in love." And if love does that, then I don't want it. And as of now, God has not presented me with love outside of Ladarrius, which was a necessary evil to get my life in the Navy direction. God knows that love would distract me and take me off my path. I'm meant for Greatness. And what would the point of meeting "The One" right now if I am not ready, anyway? I would fuck up a good thing.
So, no I don't want any of that. And I don't want my spouse to cheat on me while I'm away, which happens PLENTY of times with military couples. Nothing about marriage is attractive to me. It's almost hard to articulate how I feel but I guess I have done a good enough job for now:) Hopefully yall get my meaning??
~*Pie*
Some women only want to fall in love, marry, have children and live happily ever after. And then there are some who are more career-minded, but somehow still want what their feminine, maternal instincts beckon.
I want none of that. My flesh crawls and curtles at the very notion of anything that is traditionally dictated by my gender. I simply want to be a successful Sailor. And, with God's Blessing upon my life, I have sowed the first seeds for that to occur. And that is what I wake up to every morning and cuddle with every night.
The notion that I could fall in love, get married, lose my ambitions and become a lowly wife, submitting to a man, "the man of the house", scares the living shit out of me. I don't want that! Not now. Not for another 8 years or so.
I think it is perfectly fine to not have a "family" until I am in my 30s. I just don't like the on going trend of getting married and poppin' out kids by the age of 21. Who does that anyway??
Wait, you know who does that? Military couples. And that has got to be the most unwise thing I have ever witnessed. Yes, I know service people get lonely and want someone to come back home to. That is all fine, dandy and human. But to actually go out and marry someone you barely know?? Or, hell, know very well! Absence does make the heart grow fonder, but it also makes you want to fuck. Plain and simple. The divorce rate is, what, 50%?? And people want to add to that, ignorantly thinking "oh, we'll be different!" God, bless your poor souls. I thought the same way once.
And then, as I was browsing blogs, I found one from a young military wife that stated "they say this is, after all, the hardest job to have." The "hardest job" being that of a civilian who is married to a military service person, or a military wife, plain and fuckin simple.
But I mean really? REALLY?? Really now? You have it so damn hard because you CHOSE to marry someone who will not be there over half of the time? All you do is sit there and be lonely and bitch and moan and then hit up Craigslist for someone to "hold you over" while your spouse, the one with the REAL hard job, goes out there and risks it all. All YOU did was fall in love and wait, not fight for this country.
Okay, sorry to ramble like that. Whew! Lol. But my point is that marriage, children, family, all of that, is just not appealing to me. Not in the least bit. Not at all. I run from it like vampires run from the sun. Just no. Hell no. I don't know what causes me to have such an irrational, unbridled hatred for such an institution as marriage, but that is how I feel. Maybe it's the fact I know what my expected "role" will be as a woman. Maybe it's because I don't want to settle and be chained down. And maybe it's because I am mature enough to know I don't want to be a wife and would therefore make a horrible mother and spouse.
But I see how people's lives have been drastically altered because they "fell in love." And if love does that, then I don't want it. And as of now, God has not presented me with love outside of Ladarrius, which was a necessary evil to get my life in the Navy direction. God knows that love would distract me and take me off my path. I'm meant for Greatness. And what would the point of meeting "The One" right now if I am not ready, anyway? I would fuck up a good thing.
So, no I don't want any of that. And I don't want my spouse to cheat on me while I'm away, which happens PLENTY of times with military couples. Nothing about marriage is attractive to me. It's almost hard to articulate how I feel but I guess I have done a good enough job for now:) Hopefully yall get my meaning??
~*Pie*
Friday, January 29, 2010
Loose Lips Sink Ships
Today I was reminded by a friend and shipmate that I need to be careful of what I say regarding the Navy, especially online. Even if something seems like a little thing to me, that information could be used to hurt a lot of people including myself. Not to mention all the *serious* trouble I would get into..
Basically, he was saying observe OPSEC, or operational security. Meaning don't say SHIT about ANYTHING. It's almost like being arrested it seems: anything you say can and will be used against you.
So, to be careful, I went back through my posts and deleted some things and changed a few others. There wasn't too much I said, but I'm being extremely careful now. So no more names will be posted or the date I head out to boot camp or where I am going afterwards. That's for me to know, not you:-> But, nonetheless, you will still stay posted on Lil Miss *Pie*. I know you were so worried:)
~*Pie*
Basically, he was saying observe OPSEC, or operational security. Meaning don't say SHIT about ANYTHING. It's almost like being arrested it seems: anything you say can and will be used against you.
So, to be careful, I went back through my posts and deleted some things and changed a few others. There wasn't too much I said, but I'm being extremely careful now. So no more names will be posted or the date I head out to boot camp or where I am going afterwards. That's for me to know, not you:-> But, nonetheless, you will still stay posted on Lil Miss *Pie*. I know you were so worried:)
~*Pie*
And I Swear: 1.27.2010
I hate I missed writing yesterday, but my day was chock full of Life:) I am happy.
January the 27th, 2010 is a day that will forever live in infamy for me. That is the day I was sworn into the United States' Navy, the best Navy in all the land. I still cannot believe I am officially a Sailor, even if I am a Sailor without a uniform.
I reported to the Military Entrance Processing Station, packet in hand, at 0750 with instruction to be there at 0800. I was on time (because being early is being on time) but the people who spent the night at the hotel got there before me. I would have gone to the hotel myself but I had to work Tuesday. I suppose I will experience that right before I ship off to boot camp. And, anyway, I live very close to MEPS. Anything else would have been a waste of everyone's time.
I got there and had to go through the run around because MEPS wasn't quite ready to see me, but I got my papers worked out and everything.
Then I spoke with a Petty Officer about my job selection. And like my recruiter said, the PO tried to talk me out of the job I really wanted because of my credit score. But I told him I had to at least try for it regardless of my score..
Things are so hazy. I was there for 6 hours filling out stacks of papers, signing contracts, and getting finger printed among other things. But I talked to a Chief on the phone in some state about the job I wanted and my credit score/ report. Long story short, it was up to him to approve me for the CTI job and he did:D I got the job I wanted. I was in such disbelief! I had to test extremely well on the ASVAB, pass the DLAB, and meet a series of requirements and I did.
Shortly after lunch, I was sworn in. There were 6 of us, two women including me, both of us Black. We were in a small round room with about 7 different large flags in it, wooden walls, and bright red carpet. A civilian worker informed and showed us of how to stand at parade rest and attention. I'll never forget that. That's when I first learned how to stand "military style", lol. But he also gave us papers about how the Red Cross can help our family members reach us in boot camp, should we need it. We also got papers about what can get us kicked out of the military, including emphasis on homosexual/ bisexual activity. Then we were told about desertion, AWOL, and other things. When he left, we were told to stand at parade rest and that the next time the door opened would be when we needed to snap to attention. He left. We were at parade rest. The door opened and we quickly went to attention.
A female Lieutenant told us "at ease" and stepped up on the small stage to the podium. She gave a short, serious but casual speech. She told us that of all America, only 2% answer the call of duty. And of those 2%, only 1% make it through MEPS. We were that one percent. And I was one of the very few qualified for and actually able to get CTI..
She called us to attention again and told us to raise our right hand. We did so at a 90 degree angle, as previously instructed by the civilian.
I can't even remember what she said, but I stated my full name and repeated it verbatim lol. After that, we were officially U.S. service men and women.
And even though we have yet to go to boot camp, we would be in worlds of trouble if we didn't show for our ship date. So we have a tiny bit of responsiblity. Our *contracts* state this lol.
But she then lead us out the room to get out picture taken. After that I had to notify the Navy office in the building that I was sworn in and all done. I got my stuff and then headed to work, where I made some pretty damn good tips, if I do say so myself:)
Oh, and I forgot to mention this, but I signed my contract with my finger print. How CRAZY is that?! Ha! But oh well. I meant it. I love it:)
Okay, so my official job title is ATF/ CTI: Advance Technical Field- Cryptological Technician Interpretive.
Ha!
Is that not some bad ass shit, or what?! Man, I cannot wait. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me and I say BRING IT!
I ship out in August for boot camp and after several weeks, once I graduate from boot camp, I hit California for 2 years while I learn whatever language they want me to at the military's linguistic school. My GOD, I am so happy and ready for this! I got 7 months to live up my old civilian life as I know it and then it's on to the next level, next life, next adventure, next everything. I don't need Ladarrius. I don't miss him. I have ME and I thank God for everything.
This is true happiness:)
~*Pie*
Oh yeah, I added stairs to my running outside routine. Can you say OUCH?! Lol! But my legs are gonna look so FEIRCE! Muuuuuah!
January the 27th, 2010 is a day that will forever live in infamy for me. That is the day I was sworn into the United States' Navy, the best Navy in all the land. I still cannot believe I am officially a Sailor, even if I am a Sailor without a uniform.
I reported to the Military Entrance Processing Station, packet in hand, at 0750 with instruction to be there at 0800. I was on time (because being early is being on time) but the people who spent the night at the hotel got there before me. I would have gone to the hotel myself but I had to work Tuesday. I suppose I will experience that right before I ship off to boot camp. And, anyway, I live very close to MEPS. Anything else would have been a waste of everyone's time.
I got there and had to go through the run around because MEPS wasn't quite ready to see me, but I got my papers worked out and everything.
Then I spoke with a Petty Officer about my job selection. And like my recruiter said, the PO tried to talk me out of the job I really wanted because of my credit score. But I told him I had to at least try for it regardless of my score..
Things are so hazy. I was there for 6 hours filling out stacks of papers, signing contracts, and getting finger printed among other things. But I talked to a Chief on the phone in some state about the job I wanted and my credit score/ report. Long story short, it was up to him to approve me for the CTI job and he did:D I got the job I wanted. I was in such disbelief! I had to test extremely well on the ASVAB, pass the DLAB, and meet a series of requirements and I did.
Shortly after lunch, I was sworn in. There were 6 of us, two women including me, both of us Black. We were in a small round room with about 7 different large flags in it, wooden walls, and bright red carpet. A civilian worker informed and showed us of how to stand at parade rest and attention. I'll never forget that. That's when I first learned how to stand "military style", lol. But he also gave us papers about how the Red Cross can help our family members reach us in boot camp, should we need it. We also got papers about what can get us kicked out of the military, including emphasis on homosexual/ bisexual activity. Then we were told about desertion, AWOL, and other things. When he left, we were told to stand at parade rest and that the next time the door opened would be when we needed to snap to attention. He left. We were at parade rest. The door opened and we quickly went to attention.
A female Lieutenant told us "at ease" and stepped up on the small stage to the podium. She gave a short, serious but casual speech. She told us that of all America, only 2% answer the call of duty. And of those 2%, only 1% make it through MEPS. We were that one percent. And I was one of the very few qualified for and actually able to get CTI..
She called us to attention again and told us to raise our right hand. We did so at a 90 degree angle, as previously instructed by the civilian.
I can't even remember what she said, but I stated my full name and repeated it verbatim lol. After that, we were officially U.S. service men and women.
And even though we have yet to go to boot camp, we would be in worlds of trouble if we didn't show for our ship date. So we have a tiny bit of responsiblity. Our *contracts* state this lol.
But she then lead us out the room to get out picture taken. After that I had to notify the Navy office in the building that I was sworn in and all done. I got my stuff and then headed to work, where I made some pretty damn good tips, if I do say so myself:)
Oh, and I forgot to mention this, but I signed my contract with my finger print. How CRAZY is that?! Ha! But oh well. I meant it. I love it:)
Okay, so my official job title is ATF/ CTI: Advance Technical Field- Cryptological Technician Interpretive.
Ha!
Is that not some bad ass shit, or what?! Man, I cannot wait. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me and I say BRING IT!
I ship out in August for boot camp and after several weeks, once I graduate from boot camp, I hit California for 2 years while I learn whatever language they want me to at the military's linguistic school. My GOD, I am so happy and ready for this! I got 7 months to live up my old civilian life as I know it and then it's on to the next level, next life, next adventure, next everything. I don't need Ladarrius. I don't miss him. I have ME and I thank God for everything.
This is true happiness:)
~*Pie*
Oh yeah, I added stairs to my running outside routine. Can you say OUCH?! Lol! But my legs are gonna look so FEIRCE! Muuuuuah!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
The Day Before
This morning I went to my recruiter's office to finish off some paperwork before I report to MEPS at 8am tomorrow to be sworn in. I already had to turn in a packet today that included transcripts from school, references, my over due debts, and past work and residence history. I thought that was pretty damn evasive, but once I got there I had an even LARGER packet to fill out. I was like Good Lord! What else does the Navy want to know about me? And how many concent forms and acknowledgements do they need?! But the military is VERY thorough. It seems as though I am already in but I still need that verbal agreement tomorrow. And to top this off I will still have to undergo an extensive FBI background check to get the CTI job I want. Oh well. It's all worth it:)
The run down I was given is that I will undergo a series of questions tomorrow regarding my past history and I am ready for it. I am clean as a whistle so bring on the questions that are meant to incriminate! Oh yeah! Lol. And then I will go through job selection. They know which one I want. But they will try to talk me out of it, apparently. How stupid is THAT?? Come, Uncle Sam!
And because I am just under $19,000 in student loan debt, I signed up for the Loan Forgiveness Program or whatever it's called. BUT, because the Navy is paying my 19K in debts, I will have to enlist for 6 years as opposed to 4 and I won't get the new GI bill. I suppose that's fair, right? But I need to factor in how much my signing bonus would be and if I want to pay $200 a month for the next 10 years or so. I mean, I already have every intention of making a career out of the Navy, but I have never made a 6 year commitment to anything in my life outside of school. And even that almost doesn't count. But even in those 6 years and can still apply for Officer Commissioning School and the Seaman to Admiral program which would provide me with another college education/degree so I could get a more fitting degree to go officer. So everything will work out:)
Well, I am off to pick out an outfit and get myself together for tomorrow. I am hella excited and in disbelief. I thank God for this. More tomorrow.
Kisses! Lol. The world is my oyster:)
~*Pie*
The run down I was given is that I will undergo a series of questions tomorrow regarding my past history and I am ready for it. I am clean as a whistle so bring on the questions that are meant to incriminate! Oh yeah! Lol. And then I will go through job selection. They know which one I want. But they will try to talk me out of it, apparently. How stupid is THAT?? Come, Uncle Sam!
And because I am just under $19,000 in student loan debt, I signed up for the Loan Forgiveness Program or whatever it's called. BUT, because the Navy is paying my 19K in debts, I will have to enlist for 6 years as opposed to 4 and I won't get the new GI bill. I suppose that's fair, right? But I need to factor in how much my signing bonus would be and if I want to pay $200 a month for the next 10 years or so. I mean, I already have every intention of making a career out of the Navy, but I have never made a 6 year commitment to anything in my life outside of school. And even that almost doesn't count. But even in those 6 years and can still apply for Officer Commissioning School and the Seaman to Admiral program which would provide me with another college education/degree so I could get a more fitting degree to go officer. So everything will work out:)
Well, I am off to pick out an outfit and get myself together for tomorrow. I am hella excited and in disbelief. I thank God for this. More tomorrow.
Kisses! Lol. The world is my oyster:)
~*Pie*
The Body Electric
Well, I can't sleep worth a damn so I thought I would blog about my body. Hopefully that will put me to sleep lol.
No man has ever prompted me to actually lose weight like the Navy has (yeah, this is another Navy blog. Just go with it. It has already done a lot for me and molded me into something completely different). When I first decided to join I wanted to be an officer and that meant passing a physical requirement/fitness test. At that point in time I was a size 13, 5 foot 3, and about 183 pounds. I never admitted those numbers to myself when I was that weight because I knew it was baaaaaad. But people do get comfortable and waist lines do expand. And, Honey, I was quite comfortable lol.
But the Navy required me to run 1.5 miles in under 4 minutes, and 21 push ups and 54 sit ups in 2 minutes a piece. My chunky, yet curvy, ass couldn't do ANY of that. So it was time to put in work.
I started working out and took Phentermine pills and I lost the weight, but not the right way. So it came back. Then, as I neared graduation and crunch time, I started to actually research what I needed to do and how. It's a science, yall. Especially learning HOW to run and what to eat before and after workouts as well as how often.
Long story short, I am now 164 pounds:) I still need to be about 155 according to the Navy's old ass requirements, but I'm not going to worry about that. They can take my measurements:) And those are now 36- 29- 40. Ha! Lil Momma got a bad shape on her and I'm a size 11. Eat your heart out. I am Black and Beautiful. I love my shape and size even though I want to get a tiny bit smaller. And by that I mean tone up more, so I may actually get heavier because of muscle mass.
Speaking of muscle, I can now crank out the requirements for that PR test.. Just about lol. If only I were actually taking it and going officer. Oh well! But sit ups seriously hurt my back. They should be out lawed! Lol. The push ups are no problem and I can do more than 21 of course. And running? Well. I can't quite do 1.5 miles in under 14 minutes, but I can run about 2.5 miles in 30 minutes. I'm short and that's going at a leisurely jog on the treadmill, damn it! Lol. I'm done making excuses for myself. But I now run outside on concrete and that crap is something serious.
But my body is changing for the better. I have little, defined pectorial muscles that I can make jump from under my breast tissue. My biceps and triceps are getting larger, especially the latter due to push ups. And my big legs are slowly turning into big, shapely legs. But they will always be big. I stop traffic with 'em:) and my waist is more defined as my love handles have dwindled.
I'm not working out as hard as I was at school because I don't have a gym, but I will get back to it. Its just a matter of pushing myself. Because it is all me. I workout alone too. And I think that speaks volumes about my drive and ambition:)
Okay, well that's my cue to hit the sheets. Later.
~*Pie*
No man has ever prompted me to actually lose weight like the Navy has (yeah, this is another Navy blog. Just go with it. It has already done a lot for me and molded me into something completely different). When I first decided to join I wanted to be an officer and that meant passing a physical requirement/fitness test. At that point in time I was a size 13, 5 foot 3, and about 183 pounds. I never admitted those numbers to myself when I was that weight because I knew it was baaaaaad. But people do get comfortable and waist lines do expand. And, Honey, I was quite comfortable lol.
But the Navy required me to run 1.5 miles in under 4 minutes, and 21 push ups and 54 sit ups in 2 minutes a piece. My chunky, yet curvy, ass couldn't do ANY of that. So it was time to put in work.
I started working out and took Phentermine pills and I lost the weight, but not the right way. So it came back. Then, as I neared graduation and crunch time, I started to actually research what I needed to do and how. It's a science, yall. Especially learning HOW to run and what to eat before and after workouts as well as how often.
Long story short, I am now 164 pounds:) I still need to be about 155 according to the Navy's old ass requirements, but I'm not going to worry about that. They can take my measurements:) And those are now 36- 29- 40. Ha! Lil Momma got a bad shape on her and I'm a size 11. Eat your heart out. I am Black and Beautiful. I love my shape and size even though I want to get a tiny bit smaller. And by that I mean tone up more, so I may actually get heavier because of muscle mass.
Speaking of muscle, I can now crank out the requirements for that PR test.. Just about lol. If only I were actually taking it and going officer. Oh well! But sit ups seriously hurt my back. They should be out lawed! Lol. The push ups are no problem and I can do more than 21 of course. And running? Well. I can't quite do 1.5 miles in under 14 minutes, but I can run about 2.5 miles in 30 minutes. I'm short and that's going at a leisurely jog on the treadmill, damn it! Lol. I'm done making excuses for myself. But I now run outside on concrete and that crap is something serious.
But my body is changing for the better. I have little, defined pectorial muscles that I can make jump from under my breast tissue. My biceps and triceps are getting larger, especially the latter due to push ups. And my big legs are slowly turning into big, shapely legs. But they will always be big. I stop traffic with 'em:) and my waist is more defined as my love handles have dwindled.
I'm not working out as hard as I was at school because I don't have a gym, but I will get back to it. Its just a matter of pushing myself. Because it is all me. I workout alone too. And I think that speaks volumes about my drive and ambition:)
Okay, well that's my cue to hit the sheets. Later.
~*Pie*
I Got the Call!!
I was told by my recruiter that all quotas for Navy enlistment had been met for the month of January. Therefore, I was impatiently waiting for February to enlist, wondering what I would do with myself until then.
But then today as I was running errands, about to get on an elevator, I got a text from my recruiter telling me to call him right then. So I did, and due to the fact I was in a damn elevator, I had to wait 11 agonizing floors, plus serval stops in between, until I could be certain I was hearing correctly. My recruiter asked me "What are you doing Wednesday?" I replied, "Nothing. I'm off." And to which he said "You want to join the Navy on Wednesday?"
FUCKIN' WHAT?!?!
I, being the polite Southern Belle I am, did not want to scream and jump as to not alarm my fellow passengers. But internally my soul was airborn. Did I just get word that I was to be sworn into the United States Navy the day after tomorrow (seeing as how it was Monday)?! I was purely dumbfounded! Words cannont express my joy and disbelief. It's going to happen so soon! After all this wishing, dreaming, and wanting I am finally getting and receiving!
Today I am to meet with my recruiter to go over paperwork before my swearing in. I will be alone. I dreamed of my sister and neice and nephew being there to experience it and take pictures but no. And that's fine. I have conquered the majority of major milestones alone and that's fine. In the end, all we have is ourselves anyway..
But I am happy beyond all measure:) Now it's all about hurrying up and waiting. I may be in Memphis for up to a year due to the wait and depending on the job I get, which will be something that has high advance rates. I ain stupid, yall lol:)
But yeah, I want to do CTI: Cryptologic Technicians Interpretive. And that's just a fancy way of saying being a linguist lol. I have to get a security clearance for that and I pray I get it. The only thing that would hold me back would be my debt, and I pray to God that will not be so. But what a way for the past to come back and bite you in the ass, huh?? Help, Lord!
All right well that is all for now. I figured I would save the world from another long ass blog entry of mine lol. But I will be back later today/ tomorrow with more updates..
I'm joining the Navy, yall!! Yeeha:)
~*Pie*
But then today as I was running errands, about to get on an elevator, I got a text from my recruiter telling me to call him right then. So I did, and due to the fact I was in a damn elevator, I had to wait 11 agonizing floors, plus serval stops in between, until I could be certain I was hearing correctly. My recruiter asked me "What are you doing Wednesday?" I replied, "Nothing. I'm off." And to which he said "You want to join the Navy on Wednesday?"
FUCKIN' WHAT?!?!
I, being the polite Southern Belle I am, did not want to scream and jump as to not alarm my fellow passengers. But internally my soul was airborn. Did I just get word that I was to be sworn into the United States Navy the day after tomorrow (seeing as how it was Monday)?! I was purely dumbfounded! Words cannont express my joy and disbelief. It's going to happen so soon! After all this wishing, dreaming, and wanting I am finally getting and receiving!
Today I am to meet with my recruiter to go over paperwork before my swearing in. I will be alone. I dreamed of my sister and neice and nephew being there to experience it and take pictures but no. And that's fine. I have conquered the majority of major milestones alone and that's fine. In the end, all we have is ourselves anyway..
But I am happy beyond all measure:) Now it's all about hurrying up and waiting. I may be in Memphis for up to a year due to the wait and depending on the job I get, which will be something that has high advance rates. I ain stupid, yall lol:)
But yeah, I want to do CTI: Cryptologic Technicians Interpretive. And that's just a fancy way of saying being a linguist lol. I have to get a security clearance for that and I pray I get it. The only thing that would hold me back would be my debt, and I pray to God that will not be so. But what a way for the past to come back and bite you in the ass, huh?? Help, Lord!
All right well that is all for now. I figured I would save the world from another long ass blog entry of mine lol. But I will be back later today/ tomorrow with more updates..
I'm joining the Navy, yall!! Yeeha:)
~*Pie*
Monday, January 25, 2010
Why the Navy, Baby
Hello, World!
I know it has taken me a minute to actually start blogging on this thing,but here I am! I'm pretty damn excited about this, too. Writing is therapy. I have a blog on MySpace that not many comment on or read except for a certain female stalker of mine *Hi, 'Drea!*, so I am very happy to have found a site that is solely for blogging without the BS. Hopefully I won't get any ignorant comments or requests for sex here lol.
Now, in my profile I mentioned me joining the military and that's what this first blog is about. I am in the process of enlisting in the Navy. It's something I seriously look forward and dream about. It keeps me going. And I am SO restless to go! But I know I will be here in Memphis for about a year due to the fact the military is flooded with candidates because of this economy. So in the mean time I am productive and proactive, doing things that benefit me now and in the future. And the fact that the military is flooded is really something. In a country as liberal, hard headed and radical as ours, the military is almost to capacity because times are so hard. That says a lot. And it kinda scares me. I want my turn to go! I want to find my place among the ranks. And I will. In about a year:)
Well, while I'm rambling, let me actually explain what made me want to join the military. I'll try to keep this short and sweet, but knowing me it won't be lol.
About three years ago, I worked at a restaurant called Rafferty's and there I met a boy named Ladarrius. I was 20. He was 19 and in the Delayed Entry Program with the Navy. It wasn't supposed to go on for as long as it did. I wasn't supposed to fall in love like I did. But it did and I did. Looking back on things, I know this was all a part of God's Plan. But it took me months to realize the reason for everything I would have to go through.
You know, my parent's were sailors too. Damn good sailors at that. But I saw, heard, and experienced things that forever jaded me and molded my perception of military people. Now, I LOVE me some men in uniform, but I knew better than to stay with Ladarrius. Plus other members of my family were sailors too so I REALLY knew not to mess with this guy. They told me to go ahead and leave him before he left for boot camp. Or left me period. They just knew nothing good would come of him. They told me some horrible and disheartening things. But I tried to remain optimistic and
believe that I had the one guy in the armed services that was different. Ha!
But I did the Navy girlfriend/ future wifey deal for a while. I was faithful. I was a great girlfriend, doing my research on how to be a better woman for
him and how to make "us" work. I even took a trip to see him graduate from RTC with his parents. That freaked me out a lot. I saw the people who raised him up close and personal with their fighting, verbally abusive and bickering behavior. I was scared for myself and sad for him. He came up in a household with those people? My poor baby, I thought. What of our relationship? I know that would negatively affect us.
On a side note, I'd always flirted with the idea of joining the military
because of my parents. I'd heard their stories, saw the pictures, gone to the Millington base and experienced a tiny bit of reservist brat life. But Momma wanted me to go to college because joining the military was an out for her when there wasn't one. School wasn't an option for her. But I had an out. And she didn't support me having to experience the life she had. And I love her for wanting to protect me. So I stayed in school.
But the plan for Ladarrius and I was for me to hurry up and graduate college and join him in Charleston, SC. And I stayed true to that plan. My life now
revolved around getting to him like a dumb ass. And then, long hurtful story short, we didn't work out. Big surprise right? Yeah, whatever.
I was rendered lost, dazed, confused, upset, hurt....I was physically sick. I couldn't function. I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't know how to act. I had lost the love of my life, my happiness and, subconsciously, my golden ticket out of Memphis. What was I to do then? All my plans were dependent upon him. And that's where my mistake lay. I had changed so much for him. I tried to be what he liked, knowing damn well he would still love light skinned, "good" haired mixed girls. The exact opposite of me. At a time when I should have been learning more about Myself as a young woman, I was too busy planning a future on unstable ground. And that is something many young military wives do. They start lives with someone they barely
know when they don't know themselves and stunt their growth as complete human beings.
Anyway, I finally stopped throwing up and realized I had to start living life without Ladarrius. I had to decide what I was going to do with myself. I truly did not know. But I did know I wanted to run away. I HAD to get away. And I knew I did not want to sit at a desk all my life working a 9 to 5, doing the mundane. I had wings to spread.
Then I knew what I was going to do! I was going to join the Peace Corps! That would get me away. But when I looked into it, it didn't seem like the best fit for me. Where would I get money to live off of and what would I do after those 2 years were up? Would I even be selected for the Peace Corps? They don't take just anybody!
But I secretly dreamed about sailor life while I was with Ladarrius. But my "place" was to support him, get my degree, do the corporate thing, and hold down the home front while he was on his damn submarine doing God knows what with who. All without marriage. Deep down I didn't like that shit. Not one bit. I knew it was suspect.
\
But that was when I was with Ladarrius. I learned didn't need him to get out of Memphis. I didn't need him to realize my own future. I didn't need him
as a crutch, going from depending on Momma to depending on him. I was all alone now and the world was my oyster.
So I decided to join the Navy my damn self! And I was going to be bigger and better than Ladarrius would ever be. I was going to be an officer. That bitch would have to call me ma'am and salute me! Stickin' it to him was my driving force. How could he do this to ME? After everything I sacrificed? My time, money, body, mental and physical well being.. I even failed a class because of him! I will forever have an F on my college transcript! Oh, I was going to show him.. I had that bitch!..
But here I am today. No longer bitter. No longer using my hatred/ love for Ladarrius to keep me going. No longer loving or hating him period. I'm just tired and done with him. This is all me now. And I feel so strong, powerful, feminine, and wise for the hardships I went through with Ladarrius. Where he told me I couldn't, I now know I can. And he knew I could which is why he told me I could not. He saw in me what didn't and that scared him. I am free, emancipated to be a whole woman no longer fragmented and unable to stand alone. I stand alone!
But, yeah, so that turned out to be longer than I anticipated but that's my story lol. The officer thing won't work out right now. So I'm going enlisted, and I will have more on that later. But my dream of being an officer is not over. It's just a little further back in my plans, is all. I will be an officer. One way or another.
But my story is a met a boy, that boy broke my heart, and in that pain I matured and grew into the woman I am today:) And, ironically, I thank God for that boy and my own strength to rise up from the ashes. I am forever resilient.
~*Pie*
I know it has taken me a minute to actually start blogging on this thing,but here I am! I'm pretty damn excited about this, too. Writing is therapy. I have a blog on MySpace that not many comment on or read except for a certain female stalker of mine *Hi, 'Drea!*, so I am very happy to have found a site that is solely for blogging without the BS. Hopefully I won't get any ignorant comments or requests for sex here lol.
Now, in my profile I mentioned me joining the military and that's what this first blog is about. I am in the process of enlisting in the Navy. It's something I seriously look forward and dream about. It keeps me going. And I am SO restless to go! But I know I will be here in Memphis for about a year due to the fact the military is flooded with candidates because of this economy. So in the mean time I am productive and proactive, doing things that benefit me now and in the future. And the fact that the military is flooded is really something. In a country as liberal, hard headed and radical as ours, the military is almost to capacity because times are so hard. That says a lot. And it kinda scares me. I want my turn to go! I want to find my place among the ranks. And I will. In about a year:)
Well, while I'm rambling, let me actually explain what made me want to join the military. I'll try to keep this short and sweet, but knowing me it won't be lol.
About three years ago, I worked at a restaurant called Rafferty's and there I met a boy named Ladarrius. I was 20. He was 19 and in the Delayed Entry Program with the Navy. It wasn't supposed to go on for as long as it did. I wasn't supposed to fall in love like I did. But it did and I did. Looking back on things, I know this was all a part of God's Plan. But it took me months to realize the reason for everything I would have to go through.
You know, my parent's were sailors too. Damn good sailors at that. But I saw, heard, and experienced things that forever jaded me and molded my perception of military people. Now, I LOVE me some men in uniform, but I knew better than to stay with Ladarrius. Plus other members of my family were sailors too so I REALLY knew not to mess with this guy. They told me to go ahead and leave him before he left for boot camp. Or left me period. They just knew nothing good would come of him. They told me some horrible and disheartening things. But I tried to remain optimistic and
believe that I had the one guy in the armed services that was different. Ha!
But I did the Navy girlfriend/ future wifey deal for a while. I was faithful. I was a great girlfriend, doing my research on how to be a better woman for
him and how to make "us" work. I even took a trip to see him graduate from RTC with his parents. That freaked me out a lot. I saw the people who raised him up close and personal with their fighting, verbally abusive and bickering behavior. I was scared for myself and sad for him. He came up in a household with those people? My poor baby, I thought. What of our relationship? I know that would negatively affect us.
On a side note, I'd always flirted with the idea of joining the military
because of my parents. I'd heard their stories, saw the pictures, gone to the Millington base and experienced a tiny bit of reservist brat life. But Momma wanted me to go to college because joining the military was an out for her when there wasn't one. School wasn't an option for her. But I had an out. And she didn't support me having to experience the life she had. And I love her for wanting to protect me. So I stayed in school.
But the plan for Ladarrius and I was for me to hurry up and graduate college and join him in Charleston, SC. And I stayed true to that plan. My life now
revolved around getting to him like a dumb ass. And then, long hurtful story short, we didn't work out. Big surprise right? Yeah, whatever.
I was rendered lost, dazed, confused, upset, hurt....I was physically sick. I couldn't function. I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't know how to act. I had lost the love of my life, my happiness and, subconsciously, my golden ticket out of Memphis. What was I to do then? All my plans were dependent upon him. And that's where my mistake lay. I had changed so much for him. I tried to be what he liked, knowing damn well he would still love light skinned, "good" haired mixed girls. The exact opposite of me. At a time when I should have been learning more about Myself as a young woman, I was too busy planning a future on unstable ground. And that is something many young military wives do. They start lives with someone they barely
know when they don't know themselves and stunt their growth as complete human beings.
Anyway, I finally stopped throwing up and realized I had to start living life without Ladarrius. I had to decide what I was going to do with myself. I truly did not know. But I did know I wanted to run away. I HAD to get away. And I knew I did not want to sit at a desk all my life working a 9 to 5, doing the mundane. I had wings to spread.
Then I knew what I was going to do! I was going to join the Peace Corps! That would get me away. But when I looked into it, it didn't seem like the best fit for me. Where would I get money to live off of and what would I do after those 2 years were up? Would I even be selected for the Peace Corps? They don't take just anybody!
But I secretly dreamed about sailor life while I was with Ladarrius. But my "place" was to support him, get my degree, do the corporate thing, and hold down the home front while he was on his damn submarine doing God knows what with who. All without marriage. Deep down I didn't like that shit. Not one bit. I knew it was suspect.
\
But that was when I was with Ladarrius. I learned didn't need him to get out of Memphis. I didn't need him to realize my own future. I didn't need him
as a crutch, going from depending on Momma to depending on him. I was all alone now and the world was my oyster.
So I decided to join the Navy my damn self! And I was going to be bigger and better than Ladarrius would ever be. I was going to be an officer. That bitch would have to call me ma'am and salute me! Stickin' it to him was my driving force. How could he do this to ME? After everything I sacrificed? My time, money, body, mental and physical well being.. I even failed a class because of him! I will forever have an F on my college transcript! Oh, I was going to show him.. I had that bitch!..
But here I am today. No longer bitter. No longer using my hatred/ love for Ladarrius to keep me going. No longer loving or hating him period. I'm just tired and done with him. This is all me now. And I feel so strong, powerful, feminine, and wise for the hardships I went through with Ladarrius. Where he told me I couldn't, I now know I can. And he knew I could which is why he told me I could not. He saw in me what didn't and that scared him. I am free, emancipated to be a whole woman no longer fragmented and unable to stand alone. I stand alone!
But, yeah, so that turned out to be longer than I anticipated but that's my story lol. The officer thing won't work out right now. So I'm going enlisted, and I will have more on that later. But my dream of being an officer is not over. It's just a little further back in my plans, is all. I will be an officer. One way or another.
But my story is a met a boy, that boy broke my heart, and in that pain I matured and grew into the woman I am today:) And, ironically, I thank God for that boy and my own strength to rise up from the ashes. I am forever resilient.
~*Pie*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)