As soon as I start feeling well enough to start back working out from having a sodium-induced headache that lasted an entire week, I get sick. Awesome.
Not really:(
After that phone call in which I almost got shipped out to boot camp, I told myself I would start doing Two-a-Days (or working out twice a day, that is) to get in better shape faster.. And to counter act my still horrible eating habits.
So as soon as I get to working out before work and after in addition to PT with the Navy, my shins start shutting down on me and that crap huuuuurrrrtttss!! It feels like my muscle is being shredded away from the bone, and it basically is. So I had to take it easy on my runs. I pretty walked two miles and limped out another. Barely. I mean as I type this my legs are crossed at the shins and the pressure from that hurts as well. It is so tender to the touch. I HATE when my shins shut down on me.
I hate this! :( Soon as I get the drive to do right and I start to see a TINY bit of muscle definition under all this fleshy meat on me, I get sick and injured. Shit:(
But maybe what I need is rest after all. I have no choice BUT to rest. And hopefully this won't set me back and have me being lazy again when I finally feel better.. No, I won't let this stop my progress. Not permanently.
But now I must heal;(
~*Sailor Taylor*
Monday, April 19, 2010
I Cheated
Yep, I did it. I cheated. Several times. It was premeditated too. And Alec knows..
I knew that as soon as I open my mouth and start bragging about how much I love Alec and how wonderful he is, the proverbial shit would hit the fan. And boy did it. And guess whose fault it is? Mine, ladies and gentlemen, the fault is all mine..
Due to my past fucked up military relationships, I was certain Alec was screwing around on me. It only made sense to me. I mean, that's what military personnel do, right? They get involved way too soon and then they cheat. It's like a clockwork orange, it is. But I could find no dirt on Alec. None. And here at home I was getting lonely. Lonely and horny... I love sex. It can't be helped. And I half way didn't even believe Alec was telling the truth about how he felt about me anyway. And I felt that he just wanted some lil damsel in distress for him to "save", but I need no saving. I AM my own woman..
Everything happens for a reason. But I have no idea what my reason for Alec is. Why did I meet him? Why did we have to fall for each other like we did? Either way, it happened and I figured and rationalized that I had to give him, and "us" a go... Knowing damn well that I love my freedom. I love to go out and somewhat run the streets and flirt and see what is out there and have SEX. And when I am in a long distance relationship I cannot do any of that. I can only sit at home and bitch and moan about how shitty the military is and how I miss my man... Basically, I would be a co-dependent military housewife and that is NOT me. Hell no; never will be.
It was eating me up inside and I had to tell Alec.
He got angry. He cried(that's what he told me!). He got pissed. He took his anger out on me by treating me horribly. I don't blame him, but I wouldn't stand by and take that so we broke up..for about all of 2 days. It was so different having him around but not like how I was used to. It hurt. So we got back together..
But the sad thing is that Alec tried to tell me that the streets had nothing to offer me and that I should come on back home to him. That is was either him or the streets.. So I chose him.. Kinda.. Just don't ask;(
But I realized what the difference between Alec and I is. He is so traditional Southern and acts so old. I am young, vibrant, and full of life. He's ready to settle down and start a family. I'm not. I don't even want kids. I don't even like them. But in all honesty Alec has lived life and seen the world. I haven't. The only world I have seen is on a Girl Scouts trip and when I went to go visit my ex in the Navy. My life has yet to be lived.. I'm sorry. Why did this have to happen? I told him we were opposites. I tried to be coy because really I didn't have the heart to do so. I want to have ALL my cake and eat it too!..But don't he dare do that.. It's a double standard, I know..
But Alec just told me that opposites attract.. Little did he know what he was getting into..
I feel like such a man. Or a boy, rather. I don't even feel like I am at my prime yet. I feel all this energy collecting up in me, waiting to explode from me at a later date.. Like after boot camp is over;) I have never wilded out and my time is now and it's coming up.. But I know Alec won't be there for all that. But maybe Alec isn't the one? Maybe he's just a starter to show me what I need to have in my life once I am ready to slow it down.. Hm, only God knows.
But I know this behavior is not a product of my exes doing me wrong like Alec thinks. This is all me. I'm not a dog; I am an Aquarius. And we will see how this all pans out..
~*Sailor Taylor*
I knew that as soon as I open my mouth and start bragging about how much I love Alec and how wonderful he is, the proverbial shit would hit the fan. And boy did it. And guess whose fault it is? Mine, ladies and gentlemen, the fault is all mine..
Due to my past fucked up military relationships, I was certain Alec was screwing around on me. It only made sense to me. I mean, that's what military personnel do, right? They get involved way too soon and then they cheat. It's like a clockwork orange, it is. But I could find no dirt on Alec. None. And here at home I was getting lonely. Lonely and horny... I love sex. It can't be helped. And I half way didn't even believe Alec was telling the truth about how he felt about me anyway. And I felt that he just wanted some lil damsel in distress for him to "save", but I need no saving. I AM my own woman..
Everything happens for a reason. But I have no idea what my reason for Alec is. Why did I meet him? Why did we have to fall for each other like we did? Either way, it happened and I figured and rationalized that I had to give him, and "us" a go... Knowing damn well that I love my freedom. I love to go out and somewhat run the streets and flirt and see what is out there and have SEX. And when I am in a long distance relationship I cannot do any of that. I can only sit at home and bitch and moan about how shitty the military is and how I miss my man... Basically, I would be a co-dependent military housewife and that is NOT me. Hell no; never will be.
It was eating me up inside and I had to tell Alec.
He got angry. He cried(that's what he told me!). He got pissed. He took his anger out on me by treating me horribly. I don't blame him, but I wouldn't stand by and take that so we broke up..for about all of 2 days. It was so different having him around but not like how I was used to. It hurt. So we got back together..
But the sad thing is that Alec tried to tell me that the streets had nothing to offer me and that I should come on back home to him. That is was either him or the streets.. So I chose him.. Kinda.. Just don't ask;(
But I realized what the difference between Alec and I is. He is so traditional Southern and acts so old. I am young, vibrant, and full of life. He's ready to settle down and start a family. I'm not. I don't even want kids. I don't even like them. But in all honesty Alec has lived life and seen the world. I haven't. The only world I have seen is on a Girl Scouts trip and when I went to go visit my ex in the Navy. My life has yet to be lived.. I'm sorry. Why did this have to happen? I told him we were opposites. I tried to be coy because really I didn't have the heart to do so. I want to have ALL my cake and eat it too!..But don't he dare do that.. It's a double standard, I know..
But Alec just told me that opposites attract.. Little did he know what he was getting into..
I feel like such a man. Or a boy, rather. I don't even feel like I am at my prime yet. I feel all this energy collecting up in me, waiting to explode from me at a later date.. Like after boot camp is over;) I have never wilded out and my time is now and it's coming up.. But I know Alec won't be there for all that. But maybe Alec isn't the one? Maybe he's just a starter to show me what I need to have in my life once I am ready to slow it down.. Hm, only God knows.
But I know this behavior is not a product of my exes doing me wrong like Alec thinks. This is all me. I'm not a dog; I am an Aquarius. And we will see how this all pans out..
~*Sailor Taylor*
Almost Boot Camp Bound and The New DEP-CO
Forgive me for not blogging as often as I know I should and would like, but sometimes it takes A LOT for me to blog from my lil bitty ass Blackberry with these long ass acrylic nails. That's what I get for being girly =/
But, ANYWAY, about a week or so ago around 10:50 AM on a Friday, I was getting ready to go to work when I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. My fear of bill collectors was overpowered by my curiosity and I answered the phone. Long story short, it was one of my Recruiters asking if I wanted to go to boot camp. Like RIGHT THEN. He said it could be next week on some time this month but a slot had opened up for a female to go to RTC. I had wanted to go to boot camp early previously when I found out my ass would be waiting for about 7 months, but those dreams vanished when it looked like I would be in Memphis for my entire waiting period. So I adjusted my life to those 7 months. I am on a 7 month plan, yal! But I thought about it and was very torn for a moment. It was a split second decision that I was asked to make right then and there. How's THAT for fleet training, eh?? Well, after quickly running the options through my head, I had to decline. I was SO tempted but I have way too much unfinished business here. I want to see my mom who is sick with Dementia in Ohio before I go, I want to get in better shape(which I am, kinda), I want to work on my swimming, and I really want to meet Alec before I go. I mean if I don't meet him this summer when he comes home, it will be over a year before I get that opportunity again. And would be with a long ass, dangerous Afghan war in between. I didn't wanna miss that. All I have is this summer to meet him. This summer is guaranteed. But he and I had been having some troubles (that's an entirely different blog altogether) that I knew actually meeting one another would fix. So I sadly said no;(
But that phone call was the shock I needed to get my shit together. Like, it made everything real. I have to get my shit together, yal! What if they had said it was now or never and I HAD to leave? I would have no choice but to go and suffer the consequences of not being ready when I have has since January to get it together. So I am studying the needed materials, working out twice a day when my shin permits, and drinking water like a dehydrated elephant lol. The time is NOW.
Oh, and since I could not go to boot camp, I told the recruiter to send that sheisty bitch in my place. The chick I have previously blogged about but didn't give any names. The heffa who is a backstabber and pulled me into her mess.. Yeah, HER. And do you know what?? She's going to boot camp! On April 27th, just a few days from now, she will be fully out of my life and boot camp will set her evil, spoiled, out of shape ass straight! I shouldn't wish that on her seeing how I am going to the same establishment in August, but due to the dishonorable ways she has been leading her life and the Deppers(she brought down moral with her gossip and lies), she will more than get hers. I don't want to be there to see it, because that shit could just as easily happen to me, but I am glad she is gone:)
Oh, and she was the "leader" of all the Deppers. Her title was the DEP-CO, or Delayed Entry Program Commanding Officer. The recruits dealt with her and she then answered to the recruiters. And with me being in a position of leadership under her, I had to text her about once a week, in which she tried to "make nice" with me. Whatever, sneaky bitch!
But with her being out the picture soon, someone had to take her place... And guess who is the new DEP-CO?? IT'S ME, SNITCHES!!! Mu-hahahaha!! Lol, I wasn't looking to get the "position" and I kinda didn't want it because of the responsibility that came with it, but the recruiters gave it to me. And now I am obligated to do right by them and "my" recruits. Lord, Help! The fire is really under my ass now lol. But so far all is good. I simply relay information and little stuff like that. But I want to be ready for when I really have to do something... This may be a lil fake/ play position for some, but I view this as practice for the "real" Navy and if/when I become an officer...
SO BRING IT!! I welcome this challenge and then some:)
~*Sailor Taylor*
But, ANYWAY, about a week or so ago around 10:50 AM on a Friday, I was getting ready to go to work when I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. My fear of bill collectors was overpowered by my curiosity and I answered the phone. Long story short, it was one of my Recruiters asking if I wanted to go to boot camp. Like RIGHT THEN. He said it could be next week on some time this month but a slot had opened up for a female to go to RTC. I had wanted to go to boot camp early previously when I found out my ass would be waiting for about 7 months, but those dreams vanished when it looked like I would be in Memphis for my entire waiting period. So I adjusted my life to those 7 months. I am on a 7 month plan, yal! But I thought about it and was very torn for a moment. It was a split second decision that I was asked to make right then and there. How's THAT for fleet training, eh?? Well, after quickly running the options through my head, I had to decline. I was SO tempted but I have way too much unfinished business here. I want to see my mom who is sick with Dementia in Ohio before I go, I want to get in better shape(which I am, kinda), I want to work on my swimming, and I really want to meet Alec before I go. I mean if I don't meet him this summer when he comes home, it will be over a year before I get that opportunity again. And would be with a long ass, dangerous Afghan war in between. I didn't wanna miss that. All I have is this summer to meet him. This summer is guaranteed. But he and I had been having some troubles (that's an entirely different blog altogether) that I knew actually meeting one another would fix. So I sadly said no;(
But that phone call was the shock I needed to get my shit together. Like, it made everything real. I have to get my shit together, yal! What if they had said it was now or never and I HAD to leave? I would have no choice but to go and suffer the consequences of not being ready when I have has since January to get it together. So I am studying the needed materials, working out twice a day when my shin permits, and drinking water like a dehydrated elephant lol. The time is NOW.
Oh, and since I could not go to boot camp, I told the recruiter to send that sheisty bitch in my place. The chick I have previously blogged about but didn't give any names. The heffa who is a backstabber and pulled me into her mess.. Yeah, HER. And do you know what?? She's going to boot camp! On April 27th, just a few days from now, she will be fully out of my life and boot camp will set her evil, spoiled, out of shape ass straight! I shouldn't wish that on her seeing how I am going to the same establishment in August, but due to the dishonorable ways she has been leading her life and the Deppers(she brought down moral with her gossip and lies), she will more than get hers. I don't want to be there to see it, because that shit could just as easily happen to me, but I am glad she is gone:)
Oh, and she was the "leader" of all the Deppers. Her title was the DEP-CO, or Delayed Entry Program Commanding Officer. The recruits dealt with her and she then answered to the recruiters. And with me being in a position of leadership under her, I had to text her about once a week, in which she tried to "make nice" with me. Whatever, sneaky bitch!
But with her being out the picture soon, someone had to take her place... And guess who is the new DEP-CO?? IT'S ME, SNITCHES!!! Mu-hahahaha!! Lol, I wasn't looking to get the "position" and I kinda didn't want it because of the responsibility that came with it, but the recruiters gave it to me. And now I am obligated to do right by them and "my" recruits. Lord, Help! The fire is really under my ass now lol. But so far all is good. I simply relay information and little stuff like that. But I want to be ready for when I really have to do something... This may be a lil fake/ play position for some, but I view this as practice for the "real" Navy and if/when I become an officer...
SO BRING IT!! I welcome this challenge and then some:)
~*Sailor Taylor*
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Wait, So I'm NOT In The Navy??
I keep hearing from various naval sources and people I interact with that DEPpers are not "officially" in the military.
What??
Did I not get sworn in? Did I not biometrically sign my 6 year contract with the Navy with my fingerprint? Yes, a *fingerprint.* It was just that serious.
And am I not held to all civilian and military rules and codes of conduct now? I am. I can get kicked out the Navy now for screwing up, even if I haven't gone to boot camp yet. And the correct term is "kicked out." But how can I be kicked out of what everyone says I am not a part of?
But a shipmate of mine, or a "future shipmate" I guess I should say, told me this on Facebook: "As for not being official...you must face it... until you lose the 'Recruit Ball Cap'..in your last week of boot camp and receive the 'Navy Ball Cap' at the ceremony...you are not official."
What kind of funky ass shit is that?! I would think by boot camp at least I am "in", but NO! Ugh, this is SO Assbackwardia.
I mean, how is THAT for motivation? Yes, I want this more than anything (Alec is next in line. I wanna marry him=)), but this is disheartening. I feel a fool for saying I am in the Navy now and like a poser when I wear my DEP shirt. But I know in my heart I am in the Navy. This too shall pass. And that will be when I graduate boot camp. But until then, I will keep on keepin' on!
~*Sailor Taylor*
What??
Did I not get sworn in? Did I not biometrically sign my 6 year contract with the Navy with my fingerprint? Yes, a *fingerprint.* It was just that serious.
And am I not held to all civilian and military rules and codes of conduct now? I am. I can get kicked out the Navy now for screwing up, even if I haven't gone to boot camp yet. And the correct term is "kicked out." But how can I be kicked out of what everyone says I am not a part of?
But a shipmate of mine, or a "future shipmate" I guess I should say, told me this on Facebook: "As for not being official...you must face it... until you lose the 'Recruit Ball Cap'..in your last week of boot camp and receive the 'Navy Ball Cap' at the ceremony...you are not official."
What kind of funky ass shit is that?! I would think by boot camp at least I am "in", but NO! Ugh, this is SO Assbackwardia.
I mean, how is THAT for motivation? Yes, I want this more than anything (Alec is next in line. I wanna marry him=)), but this is disheartening. I feel a fool for saying I am in the Navy now and like a poser when I wear my DEP shirt. But I know in my heart I am in the Navy. This too shall pass. And that will be when I graduate boot camp. But until then, I will keep on keepin' on!
~*Sailor Taylor*
Gabourey Sidibe and The Movie Precious
Gabby?.. Gabby.. Girl?.. Girl, You have GOT to put that shovel down, hunny! And I know it was a shovel because ain no way in hell a damn spoon, knife, or fork could do all THAT. I mean look at you! Have you NO self esteem? Or control for that matter?..
Okay, that had to be said. I mean, look at that massive fat bastard. She is MORBIDLY obese and it boggles my mind how someone gets that BIG. Even her damn face is huge and fat. How you gone have a fat ass face?!
How someone can just really and truly not give a hot damn about themselves alludes me. And apparently her parents didn't give a damn about her either. That is not genetics or "big bones." That is pure fuckin food. Bullshit. She makes the Black race look like coons. I mean this just upsets me! The look of her is UGH! Can you imagine her smell? Or *attempting* to have sex with her? Oh God! I just threw up in my mouth a little.
The fact that she has a "white girl" voice or has her weave done means nothing. She is a disgrace that I want to throw a rock at. Yeah, that was mean but damn. Someone had to say it. Don't think that just because she did a movie playing a tragic, fat ass negro that everything is all gum drops and rainbows. There is a pink elephant in the room and she is Black, fugly, and named Gabourey.
But, on another note, even though I was and still am disgusted by Gabourey, the movie "Precious" wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I rented it via RedBox because I wasn't going to see it in theatres. Nope! I hardly support Black movies anyway because they suck. Oops, but they do..
Anyway, I won't call it one of my favorite movies because it can get depressing, but it is good and digestible.. And boy wouldn't Gabby know everything about being digestible. Lmao! Sorry, I couldn't help it;)
But I read the book it was based on, "Push", and couldn't really get into it. It was suggested to me by a Black woman working at a Black, ghetto, "urban drama" bookstore in a ghetto ass mall in one of the badder parts of Memphis (wow that was a long sentence!). She said it was a really good book but I bet she also thought Tyler Perry was good too.
But, anyway, I read it and realized it was a direct copy of The Color Purple. Some poor, abused, illiterate, dark skinned Black girl with two kids by her own father overcomes adversity and turn into a beautiful butterfly afterwards and blah, blah, blah...
Yall get what I am saying.
But, copy-cat book aside, Precious was better that I thought it could be and better than the book. And that is a hard thing to accomplish.. Or does it just say how awesomely bad the book really is?? Hm! But, yeah, more things could be said about it but I'll chill on that.. Except what the hell was Lenny Kravits doing in the movie? What was the purpose of his role? And what was the deal with the lesbian, overly attached teacher named Blu Rain?? Like seriously??
Okay! I'm done yall lol.
Peace.
~Sailor Taylor
Okay, that had to be said. I mean, look at that massive fat bastard. She is MORBIDLY obese and it boggles my mind how someone gets that BIG. Even her damn face is huge and fat. How you gone have a fat ass face?!
How someone can just really and truly not give a hot damn about themselves alludes me. And apparently her parents didn't give a damn about her either. That is not genetics or "big bones." That is pure fuckin food. Bullshit. She makes the Black race look like coons. I mean this just upsets me! The look of her is UGH! Can you imagine her smell? Or *attempting* to have sex with her? Oh God! I just threw up in my mouth a little.
The fact that she has a "white girl" voice or has her weave done means nothing. She is a disgrace that I want to throw a rock at. Yeah, that was mean but damn. Someone had to say it. Don't think that just because she did a movie playing a tragic, fat ass negro that everything is all gum drops and rainbows. There is a pink elephant in the room and she is Black, fugly, and named Gabourey.
But, on another note, even though I was and still am disgusted by Gabourey, the movie "Precious" wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I rented it via RedBox because I wasn't going to see it in theatres. Nope! I hardly support Black movies anyway because they suck. Oops, but they do..
Anyway, I won't call it one of my favorite movies because it can get depressing, but it is good and digestible.. And boy wouldn't Gabby know everything about being digestible. Lmao! Sorry, I couldn't help it;)
But I read the book it was based on, "Push", and couldn't really get into it. It was suggested to me by a Black woman working at a Black, ghetto, "urban drama" bookstore in a ghetto ass mall in one of the badder parts of Memphis (wow that was a long sentence!). She said it was a really good book but I bet she also thought Tyler Perry was good too.
But, anyway, I read it and realized it was a direct copy of The Color Purple. Some poor, abused, illiterate, dark skinned Black girl with two kids by her own father overcomes adversity and turn into a beautiful butterfly afterwards and blah, blah, blah...
Yall get what I am saying.
But, copy-cat book aside, Precious was better that I thought it could be and better than the book. And that is a hard thing to accomplish.. Or does it just say how awesomely bad the book really is?? Hm! But, yeah, more things could be said about it but I'll chill on that.. Except what the hell was Lenny Kravits doing in the movie? What was the purpose of his role? And what was the deal with the lesbian, overly attached teacher named Blu Rain?? Like seriously??
Okay! I'm done yall lol.
Peace.
~Sailor Taylor
Thursday, April 1, 2010
What A Mighty Good Man
I didn't plan on Alec happening. In fact, he is everything I didn't want and was adamant about no longer having in my life. He's in New York in the military; and after my ex in the Navy I vowed to never date another long-distance, military man ever again. I wasn't so sure how that would work with me being in the military myself but I knew I didn't want another man in uniform. I guess I would have a civilian man; a civilian husband. But Alec is in the Army, hundreds of miles away and due for another deployment.
The college educated survivalist in me did not want someone with less than a bachelor's degree to be the head of MY household. I wanted an intellectual equal. But Alec has an associates in business and that's all. Far from what I placed my ideals on. And I don't think that was bougie of me...
I told myself I just wanted fun before I went off to boot camp. Yeah, I could get a boyfriend, but I would just leave him before I left anyway. I wasn't going to be in another long distance military relationship knowing what I know about how they operate and all the hurt, lies, and shit I went through before. But Alec is more than just light hearted fun. That was my intention, but I now pray to God he is The One. I want to be with him always, I think.
No, I initially didn't want Alec. But I prayed and asked God for Happiness and He sent Alec:)
And here I am, head over heels in love with this guy. A man I have never met. But stranger things have happened, have they not?
I wasn't even trying to give Alec ANY time of day. I set up a profile on Plenty of Fish.com and started chatting with him via that website but I'd already met one boyfriend (who ultimately turned out to be crazy) and was really only humoring Alec. But he was persistent and kept showing back up on Yahoo IM and chatting with me. He offered me advice on life and the military and kind, encouraging words when my then boyfriend failed horribly in those areas.
And soon enough I was single again, up to my single tricks, but Alec was still around and growing on me. We hadn't even heard each other's voices when he offered a life with him just in case the Navy didn't work out with me. His reasoning was that way I would still have the military as a part of my life and him as well. I would be a military wife as opposed to military personnel..
I thought he was bat-shit crazy! Lol, but was dumbfounded that a man I barely even knew would offer his world to me like that.
So now that Alec and I have officially been together for several weeks after several months of chatting and texting, I thank God for him. I'm not saying that I have not messed up, because I have. In horrible ways I cannot mention here. But I have tried to push him away and catch him in lies and cheating so I can "get it over with" as far as us finally going south/ on the rocks. It always gets bad after while, doesn't it? Nothing ever stays in the honeymoon phase. But Alec keeps coming back, reassuring me that he loves me and wants to be with only me and is faithful to only me. He supports me, gives me kind words, has my picture as his cellphone wallpaper lol, and even tries to take care of me all the way from upstate New York. The man loves me in ways I have never been loved before and it freaks me out but I pray I am ready to accept a challenge such as this..
We are making plans to see each other in early May if we can get all our little kinks worked out. We had a mini fight/ disagreement yesterday that was pretty much about us butting heads because we are each so independent and used to getting shit done in our own ways. We are leaders. But that's not one of the aforementioned "kinks" I spoke of; that was just a gateway for us to talk about how we compromise for and with one another. We're over that hurdle now:) But other little shit may hinder me from seeing him. Alec says to trust him and let him take care of this but I HATE sitting there doing nothing. But if I don't get to see him I will be SO hurt and it will SO be his fault lol.
But I really, really, REALLY want to see Alec before he goes off for training in another state or, God forbid, goes off to Afghanistan. Don't get me wrong, I will STILL be with Alec while he's on deployment and I'm in boot camp/ CTI school for the Navy, but is it too much to ask to want to actually meet my Love in person first?? Lol! This is such the age of technology. I have never met this man and I am crazy about him:)
I don't know what the future holds for us, but God placed Alec in my life for a reason and I welcome him with arms wide open. I'm not afraid of this anymore and still wanting to sow my wild oats. I think I got that out my system but we are still new, summer is around the corner, and CALIFORNIA is in my sights:) Lord help me and us! I just pray this is all WORTH it and we do right by one another. So I, and HE, accept this challenge placed before us: a dual military, headstrong, long distance relationship composed of two independent leaders. Bring it! =)
~*Sailor Taylor*
P.S. Alec wants kids. Oh well! Cause I ain' havin' SHIT! Lol.
The college educated survivalist in me did not want someone with less than a bachelor's degree to be the head of MY household. I wanted an intellectual equal. But Alec has an associates in business and that's all. Far from what I placed my ideals on. And I don't think that was bougie of me...
I told myself I just wanted fun before I went off to boot camp. Yeah, I could get a boyfriend, but I would just leave him before I left anyway. I wasn't going to be in another long distance military relationship knowing what I know about how they operate and all the hurt, lies, and shit I went through before. But Alec is more than just light hearted fun. That was my intention, but I now pray to God he is The One. I want to be with him always, I think.
No, I initially didn't want Alec. But I prayed and asked God for Happiness and He sent Alec:)
And here I am, head over heels in love with this guy. A man I have never met. But stranger things have happened, have they not?
I wasn't even trying to give Alec ANY time of day. I set up a profile on Plenty of Fish.com and started chatting with him via that website but I'd already met one boyfriend (who ultimately turned out to be crazy) and was really only humoring Alec. But he was persistent and kept showing back up on Yahoo IM and chatting with me. He offered me advice on life and the military and kind, encouraging words when my then boyfriend failed horribly in those areas.
And soon enough I was single again, up to my single tricks, but Alec was still around and growing on me. We hadn't even heard each other's voices when he offered a life with him just in case the Navy didn't work out with me. His reasoning was that way I would still have the military as a part of my life and him as well. I would be a military wife as opposed to military personnel..
I thought he was bat-shit crazy! Lol, but was dumbfounded that a man I barely even knew would offer his world to me like that.
So now that Alec and I have officially been together for several weeks after several months of chatting and texting, I thank God for him. I'm not saying that I have not messed up, because I have. In horrible ways I cannot mention here. But I have tried to push him away and catch him in lies and cheating so I can "get it over with" as far as us finally going south/ on the rocks. It always gets bad after while, doesn't it? Nothing ever stays in the honeymoon phase. But Alec keeps coming back, reassuring me that he loves me and wants to be with only me and is faithful to only me. He supports me, gives me kind words, has my picture as his cellphone wallpaper lol, and even tries to take care of me all the way from upstate New York. The man loves me in ways I have never been loved before and it freaks me out but I pray I am ready to accept a challenge such as this..
We are making plans to see each other in early May if we can get all our little kinks worked out. We had a mini fight/ disagreement yesterday that was pretty much about us butting heads because we are each so independent and used to getting shit done in our own ways. We are leaders. But that's not one of the aforementioned "kinks" I spoke of; that was just a gateway for us to talk about how we compromise for and with one another. We're over that hurdle now:) But other little shit may hinder me from seeing him. Alec says to trust him and let him take care of this but I HATE sitting there doing nothing. But if I don't get to see him I will be SO hurt and it will SO be his fault lol.
But I really, really, REALLY want to see Alec before he goes off for training in another state or, God forbid, goes off to Afghanistan. Don't get me wrong, I will STILL be with Alec while he's on deployment and I'm in boot camp/ CTI school for the Navy, but is it too much to ask to want to actually meet my Love in person first?? Lol! This is such the age of technology. I have never met this man and I am crazy about him:)
I don't know what the future holds for us, but God placed Alec in my life for a reason and I welcome him with arms wide open. I'm not afraid of this anymore and still wanting to sow my wild oats. I think I got that out my system but we are still new, summer is around the corner, and CALIFORNIA is in my sights:) Lord help me and us! I just pray this is all WORTH it and we do right by one another. So I, and HE, accept this challenge placed before us: a dual military, headstrong, long distance relationship composed of two independent leaders. Bring it! =)
~*Sailor Taylor*
P.S. Alec wants kids. Oh well! Cause I ain' havin' SHIT! Lol.
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