Today I was reminded by a friend and shipmate that I need to be careful of what I say regarding the Navy, especially online. Even if something seems like a little thing to me, that information could be used to hurt a lot of people including myself. Not to mention all the *serious* trouble I would get into..
Basically, he was saying observe OPSEC, or operational security. Meaning don't say SHIT about ANYTHING. It's almost like being arrested it seems: anything you say can and will be used against you.
So, to be careful, I went back through my posts and deleted some things and changed a few others. There wasn't too much I said, but I'm being extremely careful now. So no more names will be posted or the date I head out to boot camp or where I am going afterwards. That's for me to know, not you:-> But, nonetheless, you will still stay posted on Lil Miss *Pie*. I know you were so worried:)
~*Pie*
Friday, January 29, 2010
'Cause I'm a Bad Woman; I'm Not Afraid to Show It
I live in a land that is still ridden with a 400 year old institution called Slavery. I live in a land of ignorance, homophobia, and unacceptance. And in this land, I live my life looking and acting the way I do.
My breasts are average at 36C. My waist is small at 29 inches compared to my 41 inch hips. I get hollered at whether I am running along side the Mississippi or shopping for tampons. But that is simply because my hips don't lie about my child-bearing potential.
But I am brown skinned (some would even say dark skinned) woman in a place that praises light skin and "mixed"/ biracial women. I had natural hair and rocked a fro' until I shaved my head and started sportin' a Caesar. Now I am "bald" in Memphis where my Black people celebrate weave, "Barbies" and Eurocentric standards of beauty that were never meant to those who stem from Afrika.
I speak well with an unintelligible dialect, unlike those around me. A child of Orange Mound and The Hood, I did not let my surroundings of circumstances define me. Now I am unique because I "talk white." It has become a part of what makes my special.
I remain childless, single, well-spoken, educated, and a future service woman when those around me are having children out of wed lock, dropping out of school, and going from man to man, subconsciously searching for someone to fill the hole Daddy left.
But here I am: bold, eccentric, and beautifully human in a place that upholds none of who I am. I am proud of myself. I am proud of my brown skin and lack of hair. I am proud I know Who I Am in a time when others don't. I know many will not even look my way because of who God called me to be, but I don't need them because I am confident in myself. I love my big hips that sing a song, my large forehead catches the eye, shaved head that shows my confidence, busy lifestyle and natural beauty that does not need enhancement, and my brown skin that hails West Afrika and none of Massa.
My kind is not popular and I don't give a damn. I truly love me. I know I am exquisite, flaws and all. And yet I still accept criticism. I love my body and the muscle tone that is slowly showing through exercise. I love my quirky personality and stubbornness, my thirst for knowledge and resilience. I love ME.
So even when I run across someone who does not enjoy me for who I am, I know the issue is with that person and their own internal battles. And I have come across a certain someone that stands out in my mind who has an issue with self hatred and only seriously dates light skinned, "good-haired" women. But that is because he basically wants his future children to pass the Paper Bag and Hair Grade Test. Bless his poor Toby soul. But even in all that, I am still someone that he is drawn to time and time again. It just can't be helped:)
I am proud of myself and how far I have come. I was a mess before. It's been a long time coming and I am not done yet. But I look at other women and see their lack of confidence, dependence on weave and outer physical enhancements and I am not jealous. I pity them. And I celebrate me. I'm not cocky, but giving praise where praise is due. I thank God for my confidence:)
~*Pie*
My breasts are average at 36C. My waist is small at 29 inches compared to my 41 inch hips. I get hollered at whether I am running along side the Mississippi or shopping for tampons. But that is simply because my hips don't lie about my child-bearing potential.
But I am brown skinned (some would even say dark skinned) woman in a place that praises light skin and "mixed"/ biracial women. I had natural hair and rocked a fro' until I shaved my head and started sportin' a Caesar. Now I am "bald" in Memphis where my Black people celebrate weave, "Barbies" and Eurocentric standards of beauty that were never meant to those who stem from Afrika.
I speak well with an unintelligible dialect, unlike those around me. A child of Orange Mound and The Hood, I did not let my surroundings of circumstances define me. Now I am unique because I "talk white." It has become a part of what makes my special.
I remain childless, single, well-spoken, educated, and a future service woman when those around me are having children out of wed lock, dropping out of school, and going from man to man, subconsciously searching for someone to fill the hole Daddy left.
But here I am: bold, eccentric, and beautifully human in a place that upholds none of who I am. I am proud of myself. I am proud of my brown skin and lack of hair. I am proud I know Who I Am in a time when others don't. I know many will not even look my way because of who God called me to be, but I don't need them because I am confident in myself. I love my big hips that sing a song, my large forehead catches the eye, shaved head that shows my confidence, busy lifestyle and natural beauty that does not need enhancement, and my brown skin that hails West Afrika and none of Massa.
My kind is not popular and I don't give a damn. I truly love me. I know I am exquisite, flaws and all. And yet I still accept criticism. I love my body and the muscle tone that is slowly showing through exercise. I love my quirky personality and stubbornness, my thirst for knowledge and resilience. I love ME.
So even when I run across someone who does not enjoy me for who I am, I know the issue is with that person and their own internal battles. And I have come across a certain someone that stands out in my mind who has an issue with self hatred and only seriously dates light skinned, "good-haired" women. But that is because he basically wants his future children to pass the Paper Bag and Hair Grade Test. Bless his poor Toby soul. But even in all that, I am still someone that he is drawn to time and time again. It just can't be helped:)
I am proud of myself and how far I have come. I was a mess before. It's been a long time coming and I am not done yet. But I look at other women and see their lack of confidence, dependence on weave and outer physical enhancements and I am not jealous. I pity them. And I celebrate me. I'm not cocky, but giving praise where praise is due. I thank God for my confidence:)
~*Pie*
And I Swear: 1.27.2010
I hate I missed writing yesterday, but my day was chock full of Life:) I am happy.
January the 27th, 2010 is a day that will forever live in infamy for me. That is the day I was sworn into the United States' Navy, the best Navy in all the land. I still cannot believe I am officially a Sailor, even if I am a Sailor without a uniform.
I reported to the Military Entrance Processing Station, packet in hand, at 0750 with instruction to be there at 0800. I was on time (because being early is being on time) but the people who spent the night at the hotel got there before me. I would have gone to the hotel myself but I had to work Tuesday. I suppose I will experience that right before I ship off to boot camp. And, anyway, I live very close to MEPS. Anything else would have been a waste of everyone's time.
I got there and had to go through the run around because MEPS wasn't quite ready to see me, but I got my papers worked out and everything.
Then I spoke with a Petty Officer about my job selection. And like my recruiter said, the PO tried to talk me out of the job I really wanted because of my credit score. But I told him I had to at least try for it regardless of my score..
Things are so hazy. I was there for 6 hours filling out stacks of papers, signing contracts, and getting finger printed among other things. But I talked to a Chief on the phone in some state about the job I wanted and my credit score/ report. Long story short, it was up to him to approve me for the CTI job and he did:D I got the job I wanted. I was in such disbelief! I had to test extremely well on the ASVAB, pass the DLAB, and meet a series of requirements and I did.
Shortly after lunch, I was sworn in. There were 6 of us, two women including me, both of us Black. We were in a small round room with about 7 different large flags in it, wooden walls, and bright red carpet. A civilian worker informed and showed us of how to stand at parade rest and attention. I'll never forget that. That's when I first learned how to stand "military style", lol. But he also gave us papers about how the Red Cross can help our family members reach us in boot camp, should we need it. We also got papers about what can get us kicked out of the military, including emphasis on homosexual/ bisexual activity. Then we were told about desertion, AWOL, and other things. When he left, we were told to stand at parade rest and that the next time the door opened would be when we needed to snap to attention. He left. We were at parade rest. The door opened and we quickly went to attention.
A female Lieutenant told us "at ease" and stepped up on the small stage to the podium. She gave a short, serious but casual speech. She told us that of all America, only 2% answer the call of duty. And of those 2%, only 1% make it through MEPS. We were that one percent. And I was one of the very few qualified for and actually able to get CTI..
She called us to attention again and told us to raise our right hand. We did so at a 90 degree angle, as previously instructed by the civilian.
I can't even remember what she said, but I stated my full name and repeated it verbatim lol. After that, we were officially U.S. service men and women.
And even though we have yet to go to boot camp, we would be in worlds of trouble if we didn't show for our ship date. So we have a tiny bit of responsiblity. Our *contracts* state this lol.
But she then lead us out the room to get out picture taken. After that I had to notify the Navy office in the building that I was sworn in and all done. I got my stuff and then headed to work, where I made some pretty damn good tips, if I do say so myself:)
Oh, and I forgot to mention this, but I signed my contract with my finger print. How CRAZY is that?! Ha! But oh well. I meant it. I love it:)
Okay, so my official job title is ATF/ CTI: Advance Technical Field- Cryptological Technician Interpretive.
Ha!
Is that not some bad ass shit, or what?! Man, I cannot wait. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me and I say BRING IT!
I ship out in August for boot camp and after several weeks, once I graduate from boot camp, I hit California for 2 years while I learn whatever language they want me to at the military's linguistic school. My GOD, I am so happy and ready for this! I got 7 months to live up my old civilian life as I know it and then it's on to the next level, next life, next adventure, next everything. I don't need Ladarrius. I don't miss him. I have ME and I thank God for everything.
This is true happiness:)
~*Pie*
Oh yeah, I added stairs to my running outside routine. Can you say OUCH?! Lol! But my legs are gonna look so FEIRCE! Muuuuuah!
January the 27th, 2010 is a day that will forever live in infamy for me. That is the day I was sworn into the United States' Navy, the best Navy in all the land. I still cannot believe I am officially a Sailor, even if I am a Sailor without a uniform.
I reported to the Military Entrance Processing Station, packet in hand, at 0750 with instruction to be there at 0800. I was on time (because being early is being on time) but the people who spent the night at the hotel got there before me. I would have gone to the hotel myself but I had to work Tuesday. I suppose I will experience that right before I ship off to boot camp. And, anyway, I live very close to MEPS. Anything else would have been a waste of everyone's time.
I got there and had to go through the run around because MEPS wasn't quite ready to see me, but I got my papers worked out and everything.
Then I spoke with a Petty Officer about my job selection. And like my recruiter said, the PO tried to talk me out of the job I really wanted because of my credit score. But I told him I had to at least try for it regardless of my score..
Things are so hazy. I was there for 6 hours filling out stacks of papers, signing contracts, and getting finger printed among other things. But I talked to a Chief on the phone in some state about the job I wanted and my credit score/ report. Long story short, it was up to him to approve me for the CTI job and he did:D I got the job I wanted. I was in such disbelief! I had to test extremely well on the ASVAB, pass the DLAB, and meet a series of requirements and I did.
Shortly after lunch, I was sworn in. There were 6 of us, two women including me, both of us Black. We were in a small round room with about 7 different large flags in it, wooden walls, and bright red carpet. A civilian worker informed and showed us of how to stand at parade rest and attention. I'll never forget that. That's when I first learned how to stand "military style", lol. But he also gave us papers about how the Red Cross can help our family members reach us in boot camp, should we need it. We also got papers about what can get us kicked out of the military, including emphasis on homosexual/ bisexual activity. Then we were told about desertion, AWOL, and other things. When he left, we were told to stand at parade rest and that the next time the door opened would be when we needed to snap to attention. He left. We were at parade rest. The door opened and we quickly went to attention.
A female Lieutenant told us "at ease" and stepped up on the small stage to the podium. She gave a short, serious but casual speech. She told us that of all America, only 2% answer the call of duty. And of those 2%, only 1% make it through MEPS. We were that one percent. And I was one of the very few qualified for and actually able to get CTI..
She called us to attention again and told us to raise our right hand. We did so at a 90 degree angle, as previously instructed by the civilian.
I can't even remember what she said, but I stated my full name and repeated it verbatim lol. After that, we were officially U.S. service men and women.
And even though we have yet to go to boot camp, we would be in worlds of trouble if we didn't show for our ship date. So we have a tiny bit of responsiblity. Our *contracts* state this lol.
But she then lead us out the room to get out picture taken. After that I had to notify the Navy office in the building that I was sworn in and all done. I got my stuff and then headed to work, where I made some pretty damn good tips, if I do say so myself:)
Oh, and I forgot to mention this, but I signed my contract with my finger print. How CRAZY is that?! Ha! But oh well. I meant it. I love it:)
Okay, so my official job title is ATF/ CTI: Advance Technical Field- Cryptological Technician Interpretive.
Ha!
Is that not some bad ass shit, or what?! Man, I cannot wait. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me and I say BRING IT!
I ship out in August for boot camp and after several weeks, once I graduate from boot camp, I hit California for 2 years while I learn whatever language they want me to at the military's linguistic school. My GOD, I am so happy and ready for this! I got 7 months to live up my old civilian life as I know it and then it's on to the next level, next life, next adventure, next everything. I don't need Ladarrius. I don't miss him. I have ME and I thank God for everything.
This is true happiness:)
~*Pie*
Oh yeah, I added stairs to my running outside routine. Can you say OUCH?! Lol! But my legs are gonna look so FEIRCE! Muuuuuah!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
The Day Before
This morning I went to my recruiter's office to finish off some paperwork before I report to MEPS at 8am tomorrow to be sworn in. I already had to turn in a packet today that included transcripts from school, references, my over due debts, and past work and residence history. I thought that was pretty damn evasive, but once I got there I had an even LARGER packet to fill out. I was like Good Lord! What else does the Navy want to know about me? And how many concent forms and acknowledgements do they need?! But the military is VERY thorough. It seems as though I am already in but I still need that verbal agreement tomorrow. And to top this off I will still have to undergo an extensive FBI background check to get the CTI job I want. Oh well. It's all worth it:)
The run down I was given is that I will undergo a series of questions tomorrow regarding my past history and I am ready for it. I am clean as a whistle so bring on the questions that are meant to incriminate! Oh yeah! Lol. And then I will go through job selection. They know which one I want. But they will try to talk me out of it, apparently. How stupid is THAT?? Come, Uncle Sam!
And because I am just under $19,000 in student loan debt, I signed up for the Loan Forgiveness Program or whatever it's called. BUT, because the Navy is paying my 19K in debts, I will have to enlist for 6 years as opposed to 4 and I won't get the new GI bill. I suppose that's fair, right? But I need to factor in how much my signing bonus would be and if I want to pay $200 a month for the next 10 years or so. I mean, I already have every intention of making a career out of the Navy, but I have never made a 6 year commitment to anything in my life outside of school. And even that almost doesn't count. But even in those 6 years and can still apply for Officer Commissioning School and the Seaman to Admiral program which would provide me with another college education/degree so I could get a more fitting degree to go officer. So everything will work out:)
Well, I am off to pick out an outfit and get myself together for tomorrow. I am hella excited and in disbelief. I thank God for this. More tomorrow.
Kisses! Lol. The world is my oyster:)
~*Pie*
The run down I was given is that I will undergo a series of questions tomorrow regarding my past history and I am ready for it. I am clean as a whistle so bring on the questions that are meant to incriminate! Oh yeah! Lol. And then I will go through job selection. They know which one I want. But they will try to talk me out of it, apparently. How stupid is THAT?? Come, Uncle Sam!
And because I am just under $19,000 in student loan debt, I signed up for the Loan Forgiveness Program or whatever it's called. BUT, because the Navy is paying my 19K in debts, I will have to enlist for 6 years as opposed to 4 and I won't get the new GI bill. I suppose that's fair, right? But I need to factor in how much my signing bonus would be and if I want to pay $200 a month for the next 10 years or so. I mean, I already have every intention of making a career out of the Navy, but I have never made a 6 year commitment to anything in my life outside of school. And even that almost doesn't count. But even in those 6 years and can still apply for Officer Commissioning School and the Seaman to Admiral program which would provide me with another college education/degree so I could get a more fitting degree to go officer. So everything will work out:)
Well, I am off to pick out an outfit and get myself together for tomorrow. I am hella excited and in disbelief. I thank God for this. More tomorrow.
Kisses! Lol. The world is my oyster:)
~*Pie*
The Body Electric
Well, I can't sleep worth a damn so I thought I would blog about my body. Hopefully that will put me to sleep lol.
No man has ever prompted me to actually lose weight like the Navy has (yeah, this is another Navy blog. Just go with it. It has already done a lot for me and molded me into something completely different). When I first decided to join I wanted to be an officer and that meant passing a physical requirement/fitness test. At that point in time I was a size 13, 5 foot 3, and about 183 pounds. I never admitted those numbers to myself when I was that weight because I knew it was baaaaaad. But people do get comfortable and waist lines do expand. And, Honey, I was quite comfortable lol.
But the Navy required me to run 1.5 miles in under 4 minutes, and 21 push ups and 54 sit ups in 2 minutes a piece. My chunky, yet curvy, ass couldn't do ANY of that. So it was time to put in work.
I started working out and took Phentermine pills and I lost the weight, but not the right way. So it came back. Then, as I neared graduation and crunch time, I started to actually research what I needed to do and how. It's a science, yall. Especially learning HOW to run and what to eat before and after workouts as well as how often.
Long story short, I am now 164 pounds:) I still need to be about 155 according to the Navy's old ass requirements, but I'm not going to worry about that. They can take my measurements:) And those are now 36- 29- 40. Ha! Lil Momma got a bad shape on her and I'm a size 11. Eat your heart out. I am Black and Beautiful. I love my shape and size even though I want to get a tiny bit smaller. And by that I mean tone up more, so I may actually get heavier because of muscle mass.
Speaking of muscle, I can now crank out the requirements for that PR test.. Just about lol. If only I were actually taking it and going officer. Oh well! But sit ups seriously hurt my back. They should be out lawed! Lol. The push ups are no problem and I can do more than 21 of course. And running? Well. I can't quite do 1.5 miles in under 14 minutes, but I can run about 2.5 miles in 30 minutes. I'm short and that's going at a leisurely jog on the treadmill, damn it! Lol. I'm done making excuses for myself. But I now run outside on concrete and that crap is something serious.
But my body is changing for the better. I have little, defined pectorial muscles that I can make jump from under my breast tissue. My biceps and triceps are getting larger, especially the latter due to push ups. And my big legs are slowly turning into big, shapely legs. But they will always be big. I stop traffic with 'em:) and my waist is more defined as my love handles have dwindled.
I'm not working out as hard as I was at school because I don't have a gym, but I will get back to it. Its just a matter of pushing myself. Because it is all me. I workout alone too. And I think that speaks volumes about my drive and ambition:)
Okay, well that's my cue to hit the sheets. Later.
~*Pie*
No man has ever prompted me to actually lose weight like the Navy has (yeah, this is another Navy blog. Just go with it. It has already done a lot for me and molded me into something completely different). When I first decided to join I wanted to be an officer and that meant passing a physical requirement/fitness test. At that point in time I was a size 13, 5 foot 3, and about 183 pounds. I never admitted those numbers to myself when I was that weight because I knew it was baaaaaad. But people do get comfortable and waist lines do expand. And, Honey, I was quite comfortable lol.
But the Navy required me to run 1.5 miles in under 4 minutes, and 21 push ups and 54 sit ups in 2 minutes a piece. My chunky, yet curvy, ass couldn't do ANY of that. So it was time to put in work.
I started working out and took Phentermine pills and I lost the weight, but not the right way. So it came back. Then, as I neared graduation and crunch time, I started to actually research what I needed to do and how. It's a science, yall. Especially learning HOW to run and what to eat before and after workouts as well as how often.
Long story short, I am now 164 pounds:) I still need to be about 155 according to the Navy's old ass requirements, but I'm not going to worry about that. They can take my measurements:) And those are now 36- 29- 40. Ha! Lil Momma got a bad shape on her and I'm a size 11. Eat your heart out. I am Black and Beautiful. I love my shape and size even though I want to get a tiny bit smaller. And by that I mean tone up more, so I may actually get heavier because of muscle mass.
Speaking of muscle, I can now crank out the requirements for that PR test.. Just about lol. If only I were actually taking it and going officer. Oh well! But sit ups seriously hurt my back. They should be out lawed! Lol. The push ups are no problem and I can do more than 21 of course. And running? Well. I can't quite do 1.5 miles in under 14 minutes, but I can run about 2.5 miles in 30 minutes. I'm short and that's going at a leisurely jog on the treadmill, damn it! Lol. I'm done making excuses for myself. But I now run outside on concrete and that crap is something serious.
But my body is changing for the better. I have little, defined pectorial muscles that I can make jump from under my breast tissue. My biceps and triceps are getting larger, especially the latter due to push ups. And my big legs are slowly turning into big, shapely legs. But they will always be big. I stop traffic with 'em:) and my waist is more defined as my love handles have dwindled.
I'm not working out as hard as I was at school because I don't have a gym, but I will get back to it. Its just a matter of pushing myself. Because it is all me. I workout alone too. And I think that speaks volumes about my drive and ambition:)
Okay, well that's my cue to hit the sheets. Later.
~*Pie*
I Got the Call!!
I was told by my recruiter that all quotas for Navy enlistment had been met for the month of January. Therefore, I was impatiently waiting for February to enlist, wondering what I would do with myself until then.
But then today as I was running errands, about to get on an elevator, I got a text from my recruiter telling me to call him right then. So I did, and due to the fact I was in a damn elevator, I had to wait 11 agonizing floors, plus serval stops in between, until I could be certain I was hearing correctly. My recruiter asked me "What are you doing Wednesday?" I replied, "Nothing. I'm off." And to which he said "You want to join the Navy on Wednesday?"
FUCKIN' WHAT?!?!
I, being the polite Southern Belle I am, did not want to scream and jump as to not alarm my fellow passengers. But internally my soul was airborn. Did I just get word that I was to be sworn into the United States Navy the day after tomorrow (seeing as how it was Monday)?! I was purely dumbfounded! Words cannont express my joy and disbelief. It's going to happen so soon! After all this wishing, dreaming, and wanting I am finally getting and receiving!
Today I am to meet with my recruiter to go over paperwork before my swearing in. I will be alone. I dreamed of my sister and neice and nephew being there to experience it and take pictures but no. And that's fine. I have conquered the majority of major milestones alone and that's fine. In the end, all we have is ourselves anyway..
But I am happy beyond all measure:) Now it's all about hurrying up and waiting. I may be in Memphis for up to a year due to the wait and depending on the job I get, which will be something that has high advance rates. I ain stupid, yall lol:)
But yeah, I want to do CTI: Cryptologic Technicians Interpretive. And that's just a fancy way of saying being a linguist lol. I have to get a security clearance for that and I pray I get it. The only thing that would hold me back would be my debt, and I pray to God that will not be so. But what a way for the past to come back and bite you in the ass, huh?? Help, Lord!
All right well that is all for now. I figured I would save the world from another long ass blog entry of mine lol. But I will be back later today/ tomorrow with more updates..
I'm joining the Navy, yall!! Yeeha:)
~*Pie*
But then today as I was running errands, about to get on an elevator, I got a text from my recruiter telling me to call him right then. So I did, and due to the fact I was in a damn elevator, I had to wait 11 agonizing floors, plus serval stops in between, until I could be certain I was hearing correctly. My recruiter asked me "What are you doing Wednesday?" I replied, "Nothing. I'm off." And to which he said "You want to join the Navy on Wednesday?"
FUCKIN' WHAT?!?!
I, being the polite Southern Belle I am, did not want to scream and jump as to not alarm my fellow passengers. But internally my soul was airborn. Did I just get word that I was to be sworn into the United States Navy the day after tomorrow (seeing as how it was Monday)?! I was purely dumbfounded! Words cannont express my joy and disbelief. It's going to happen so soon! After all this wishing, dreaming, and wanting I am finally getting and receiving!
Today I am to meet with my recruiter to go over paperwork before my swearing in. I will be alone. I dreamed of my sister and neice and nephew being there to experience it and take pictures but no. And that's fine. I have conquered the majority of major milestones alone and that's fine. In the end, all we have is ourselves anyway..
But I am happy beyond all measure:) Now it's all about hurrying up and waiting. I may be in Memphis for up to a year due to the wait and depending on the job I get, which will be something that has high advance rates. I ain stupid, yall lol:)
But yeah, I want to do CTI: Cryptologic Technicians Interpretive. And that's just a fancy way of saying being a linguist lol. I have to get a security clearance for that and I pray I get it. The only thing that would hold me back would be my debt, and I pray to God that will not be so. But what a way for the past to come back and bite you in the ass, huh?? Help, Lord!
All right well that is all for now. I figured I would save the world from another long ass blog entry of mine lol. But I will be back later today/ tomorrow with more updates..
I'm joining the Navy, yall!! Yeeha:)
~*Pie*
Monday, January 25, 2010
Why the Navy, Baby
Hello, World!
I know it has taken me a minute to actually start blogging on this thing,but here I am! I'm pretty damn excited about this, too. Writing is therapy. I have a blog on MySpace that not many comment on or read except for a certain female stalker of mine *Hi, 'Drea!*, so I am very happy to have found a site that is solely for blogging without the BS. Hopefully I won't get any ignorant comments or requests for sex here lol.
Now, in my profile I mentioned me joining the military and that's what this first blog is about. I am in the process of enlisting in the Navy. It's something I seriously look forward and dream about. It keeps me going. And I am SO restless to go! But I know I will be here in Memphis for about a year due to the fact the military is flooded with candidates because of this economy. So in the mean time I am productive and proactive, doing things that benefit me now and in the future. And the fact that the military is flooded is really something. In a country as liberal, hard headed and radical as ours, the military is almost to capacity because times are so hard. That says a lot. And it kinda scares me. I want my turn to go! I want to find my place among the ranks. And I will. In about a year:)
Well, while I'm rambling, let me actually explain what made me want to join the military. I'll try to keep this short and sweet, but knowing me it won't be lol.
About three years ago, I worked at a restaurant called Rafferty's and there I met a boy named Ladarrius. I was 20. He was 19 and in the Delayed Entry Program with the Navy. It wasn't supposed to go on for as long as it did. I wasn't supposed to fall in love like I did. But it did and I did. Looking back on things, I know this was all a part of God's Plan. But it took me months to realize the reason for everything I would have to go through.
You know, my parent's were sailors too. Damn good sailors at that. But I saw, heard, and experienced things that forever jaded me and molded my perception of military people. Now, I LOVE me some men in uniform, but I knew better than to stay with Ladarrius. Plus other members of my family were sailors too so I REALLY knew not to mess with this guy. They told me to go ahead and leave him before he left for boot camp. Or left me period. They just knew nothing good would come of him. They told me some horrible and disheartening things. But I tried to remain optimistic and
believe that I had the one guy in the armed services that was different. Ha!
But I did the Navy girlfriend/ future wifey deal for a while. I was faithful. I was a great girlfriend, doing my research on how to be a better woman for
him and how to make "us" work. I even took a trip to see him graduate from RTC with his parents. That freaked me out a lot. I saw the people who raised him up close and personal with their fighting, verbally abusive and bickering behavior. I was scared for myself and sad for him. He came up in a household with those people? My poor baby, I thought. What of our relationship? I know that would negatively affect us.
On a side note, I'd always flirted with the idea of joining the military
because of my parents. I'd heard their stories, saw the pictures, gone to the Millington base and experienced a tiny bit of reservist brat life. But Momma wanted me to go to college because joining the military was an out for her when there wasn't one. School wasn't an option for her. But I had an out. And she didn't support me having to experience the life she had. And I love her for wanting to protect me. So I stayed in school.
But the plan for Ladarrius and I was for me to hurry up and graduate college and join him in Charleston, SC. And I stayed true to that plan. My life now
revolved around getting to him like a dumb ass. And then, long hurtful story short, we didn't work out. Big surprise right? Yeah, whatever.
I was rendered lost, dazed, confused, upset, hurt....I was physically sick. I couldn't function. I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't know how to act. I had lost the love of my life, my happiness and, subconsciously, my golden ticket out of Memphis. What was I to do then? All my plans were dependent upon him. And that's where my mistake lay. I had changed so much for him. I tried to be what he liked, knowing damn well he would still love light skinned, "good" haired mixed girls. The exact opposite of me. At a time when I should have been learning more about Myself as a young woman, I was too busy planning a future on unstable ground. And that is something many young military wives do. They start lives with someone they barely
know when they don't know themselves and stunt their growth as complete human beings.
Anyway, I finally stopped throwing up and realized I had to start living life without Ladarrius. I had to decide what I was going to do with myself. I truly did not know. But I did know I wanted to run away. I HAD to get away. And I knew I did not want to sit at a desk all my life working a 9 to 5, doing the mundane. I had wings to spread.
Then I knew what I was going to do! I was going to join the Peace Corps! That would get me away. But when I looked into it, it didn't seem like the best fit for me. Where would I get money to live off of and what would I do after those 2 years were up? Would I even be selected for the Peace Corps? They don't take just anybody!
But I secretly dreamed about sailor life while I was with Ladarrius. But my "place" was to support him, get my degree, do the corporate thing, and hold down the home front while he was on his damn submarine doing God knows what with who. All without marriage. Deep down I didn't like that shit. Not one bit. I knew it was suspect.
\
But that was when I was with Ladarrius. I learned didn't need him to get out of Memphis. I didn't need him to realize my own future. I didn't need him
as a crutch, going from depending on Momma to depending on him. I was all alone now and the world was my oyster.
So I decided to join the Navy my damn self! And I was going to be bigger and better than Ladarrius would ever be. I was going to be an officer. That bitch would have to call me ma'am and salute me! Stickin' it to him was my driving force. How could he do this to ME? After everything I sacrificed? My time, money, body, mental and physical well being.. I even failed a class because of him! I will forever have an F on my college transcript! Oh, I was going to show him.. I had that bitch!..
But here I am today. No longer bitter. No longer using my hatred/ love for Ladarrius to keep me going. No longer loving or hating him period. I'm just tired and done with him. This is all me now. And I feel so strong, powerful, feminine, and wise for the hardships I went through with Ladarrius. Where he told me I couldn't, I now know I can. And he knew I could which is why he told me I could not. He saw in me what didn't and that scared him. I am free, emancipated to be a whole woman no longer fragmented and unable to stand alone. I stand alone!
But, yeah, so that turned out to be longer than I anticipated but that's my story lol. The officer thing won't work out right now. So I'm going enlisted, and I will have more on that later. But my dream of being an officer is not over. It's just a little further back in my plans, is all. I will be an officer. One way or another.
But my story is a met a boy, that boy broke my heart, and in that pain I matured and grew into the woman I am today:) And, ironically, I thank God for that boy and my own strength to rise up from the ashes. I am forever resilient.
~*Pie*
I know it has taken me a minute to actually start blogging on this thing,but here I am! I'm pretty damn excited about this, too. Writing is therapy. I have a blog on MySpace that not many comment on or read except for a certain female stalker of mine *Hi, 'Drea!*, so I am very happy to have found a site that is solely for blogging without the BS. Hopefully I won't get any ignorant comments or requests for sex here lol.
Now, in my profile I mentioned me joining the military and that's what this first blog is about. I am in the process of enlisting in the Navy. It's something I seriously look forward and dream about. It keeps me going. And I am SO restless to go! But I know I will be here in Memphis for about a year due to the fact the military is flooded with candidates because of this economy. So in the mean time I am productive and proactive, doing things that benefit me now and in the future. And the fact that the military is flooded is really something. In a country as liberal, hard headed and radical as ours, the military is almost to capacity because times are so hard. That says a lot. And it kinda scares me. I want my turn to go! I want to find my place among the ranks. And I will. In about a year:)
Well, while I'm rambling, let me actually explain what made me want to join the military. I'll try to keep this short and sweet, but knowing me it won't be lol.
About three years ago, I worked at a restaurant called Rafferty's and there I met a boy named Ladarrius. I was 20. He was 19 and in the Delayed Entry Program with the Navy. It wasn't supposed to go on for as long as it did. I wasn't supposed to fall in love like I did. But it did and I did. Looking back on things, I know this was all a part of God's Plan. But it took me months to realize the reason for everything I would have to go through.
You know, my parent's were sailors too. Damn good sailors at that. But I saw, heard, and experienced things that forever jaded me and molded my perception of military people. Now, I LOVE me some men in uniform, but I knew better than to stay with Ladarrius. Plus other members of my family were sailors too so I REALLY knew not to mess with this guy. They told me to go ahead and leave him before he left for boot camp. Or left me period. They just knew nothing good would come of him. They told me some horrible and disheartening things. But I tried to remain optimistic and
believe that I had the one guy in the armed services that was different. Ha!
But I did the Navy girlfriend/ future wifey deal for a while. I was faithful. I was a great girlfriend, doing my research on how to be a better woman for
him and how to make "us" work. I even took a trip to see him graduate from RTC with his parents. That freaked me out a lot. I saw the people who raised him up close and personal with their fighting, verbally abusive and bickering behavior. I was scared for myself and sad for him. He came up in a household with those people? My poor baby, I thought. What of our relationship? I know that would negatively affect us.
On a side note, I'd always flirted with the idea of joining the military
because of my parents. I'd heard their stories, saw the pictures, gone to the Millington base and experienced a tiny bit of reservist brat life. But Momma wanted me to go to college because joining the military was an out for her when there wasn't one. School wasn't an option for her. But I had an out. And she didn't support me having to experience the life she had. And I love her for wanting to protect me. So I stayed in school.
But the plan for Ladarrius and I was for me to hurry up and graduate college and join him in Charleston, SC. And I stayed true to that plan. My life now
revolved around getting to him like a dumb ass. And then, long hurtful story short, we didn't work out. Big surprise right? Yeah, whatever.
I was rendered lost, dazed, confused, upset, hurt....I was physically sick. I couldn't function. I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't know how to act. I had lost the love of my life, my happiness and, subconsciously, my golden ticket out of Memphis. What was I to do then? All my plans were dependent upon him. And that's where my mistake lay. I had changed so much for him. I tried to be what he liked, knowing damn well he would still love light skinned, "good" haired mixed girls. The exact opposite of me. At a time when I should have been learning more about Myself as a young woman, I was too busy planning a future on unstable ground. And that is something many young military wives do. They start lives with someone they barely
know when they don't know themselves and stunt their growth as complete human beings.
Anyway, I finally stopped throwing up and realized I had to start living life without Ladarrius. I had to decide what I was going to do with myself. I truly did not know. But I did know I wanted to run away. I HAD to get away. And I knew I did not want to sit at a desk all my life working a 9 to 5, doing the mundane. I had wings to spread.
Then I knew what I was going to do! I was going to join the Peace Corps! That would get me away. But when I looked into it, it didn't seem like the best fit for me. Where would I get money to live off of and what would I do after those 2 years were up? Would I even be selected for the Peace Corps? They don't take just anybody!
But I secretly dreamed about sailor life while I was with Ladarrius. But my "place" was to support him, get my degree, do the corporate thing, and hold down the home front while he was on his damn submarine doing God knows what with who. All without marriage. Deep down I didn't like that shit. Not one bit. I knew it was suspect.
\
But that was when I was with Ladarrius. I learned didn't need him to get out of Memphis. I didn't need him to realize my own future. I didn't need him
as a crutch, going from depending on Momma to depending on him. I was all alone now and the world was my oyster.
So I decided to join the Navy my damn self! And I was going to be bigger and better than Ladarrius would ever be. I was going to be an officer. That bitch would have to call me ma'am and salute me! Stickin' it to him was my driving force. How could he do this to ME? After everything I sacrificed? My time, money, body, mental and physical well being.. I even failed a class because of him! I will forever have an F on my college transcript! Oh, I was going to show him.. I had that bitch!..
But here I am today. No longer bitter. No longer using my hatred/ love for Ladarrius to keep me going. No longer loving or hating him period. I'm just tired and done with him. This is all me now. And I feel so strong, powerful, feminine, and wise for the hardships I went through with Ladarrius. Where he told me I couldn't, I now know I can. And he knew I could which is why he told me I could not. He saw in me what didn't and that scared him. I am free, emancipated to be a whole woman no longer fragmented and unable to stand alone. I stand alone!
But, yeah, so that turned out to be longer than I anticipated but that's my story lol. The officer thing won't work out right now. So I'm going enlisted, and I will have more on that later. But my dream of being an officer is not over. It's just a little further back in my plans, is all. I will be an officer. One way or another.
But my story is a met a boy, that boy broke my heart, and in that pain I matured and grew into the woman I am today:) And, ironically, I thank God for that boy and my own strength to rise up from the ashes. I am forever resilient.
~*Pie*
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