Y'all, I am so bored. Bored out my ever, loving MIND.
I am so use to running the streets and always being on the go. I was always planning and plotting my next move because I hated being bored and hated where I was living. So I had to be out and stay out for the most part.
And now all of that has changed. Now I just sit here. Day in and day out, I sit. I workout 6 days a week and that's the only time I get out the house: to walk to the complex's fitness room and have a 2 hour workout.
After that I come back "home" and eat, drink something alcoholic, and sleep. Then I wake up and watch TV. And then I do it all over again the next day and the next and the next day..
I'm scared of getting fat:( Before, I was working and on the move. I was so active. And now I'm not. I am *so close* and have come *so far* and I am in danger of blowing up again. I feel like my stomach is bloated and no amount diuretics or laxatives will help me. I feel so fat. So I have got to get myself back on track. The high intensity workouts with resistance training are there, but the proper eating and drinking is not. And that is because I have acquired those bad habits again while I sit here and do nothing.
According to the scale, I am slowing losing a little weight. But a tiny bit. And I don't want to trust that. I don't care what I weigh as long as my measurements are on point. I want to gain good, heavy muscle and tighten up so my waist will be tiny.. And my ass still fat. HA!
But I mean, I am so lazy and sedentary that I don't even want to study my General Orders or do anything.
Period.
My Senior Chief paid me to write another of his papers this past week and I didn't even want to do that. I mean, I did, but still.. I didn't want to. All I want to do is eat, drink, and sleep.
My zest for life seems to be gone. I am fading away while I wait on that fated day to come that I go to the hotel and then board the plane for boot camp. But I don't want to lose sight of my goals so that when it is time to ship out I am fat and unprepared..
Hell, if I'm fat then I'm not going anywhere anyway.
Help!
This coming week will be better. It has to be. I promise myself this.
More later.
~Sailor Taylor
Taylor,
ReplyDeleteI know exactly where you're coming from. For the past two and a half months I've been sitting around the house babysitting, and getting into fights with my ten year old cousin because I have nothing else to do.
But even though I'm underweight, I haven't come as far as you have. Maybe that's because it's so hot in Vegas that I don't want to do anything but what I've been doing.
Taylor, I believe that you can do this, you've done so much all ready, you are a role model to most girls on the Woman Refined site. So be that role model to yourself, think of this as one more obstacle before your new life starts.
I KNOW you can do this.
Thank you, Kassie:) I am just now seeing your comment but I so needed that. Kind words go a long way, you know? We gotta keep lifting each other up:) But so far I am doing better. I am studying and able to get out the house more due to good friends. I'm still working out and working on my eating habits. I have a weigh-in coming up very soon so it is always on my mind..
ReplyDeleteBut thank you. And don't kill the kiddies! My niece and nephew drive me bonkers but I somehow deal with it. I have no idea how I am, because I hav no patience, but it is working out. And, in the end, everything works out:)