Rock Bottom

This morning, on my way to a very nice neighborhood park to get my morning jog in, my brakes went out on my car. They literally fell OFF.

Thankfully, they were my front breaks because I was able to stop my car. Had the back ones gone out that would have been no bueno and I could have died in a horrible car crash.

The mechanic told me it would be $350 to fix my brakes, rotors, and calipers.

I told him to reassemble my car and I was going home...20 miles per hour with my flashers on and my sister trailing me.

Oh, and "home" being my sister's place. Because I for damn sure don't have a "home" right now.

And I do not have a car.

I don't have $350 to my name. And if I did, how would I afford to pay that and the storage costs for my car when I go to boot camp? I can't. I am broke and one stiletto away from dancing on a pole for dollars.

So I am going to sell it and pocket the money.
And I guess run up and down the side walk outside of my sister's complex.
Fitness is always on my mind.

Actually, my sister and her husband have a good friend who is a mechanic and they said they would call him and ask him if something else could be done..

But if not..

Then this is what rock bottom feels like. I have lost my job, my cash flow, my own living space, and my car in the span of less than a week.

I checked in with my recruiter this week and asked if I could be shipped out to boot camp early due to my dilemma and he said no. I would just have to wait..

I feel myself withering away. My life is upside down. What do I do with myself now?
I feel my appetite growing and my self getting bigger. I pray it is just monthly water weight, but I don't know. I am at wit's end and depressed.

What has become of me? I literally have nothing left but family and my health.
I want my old life back.

They say that right before great change comes great turmoil. And to that I ask God:
What did I do to deserve this?


~Sailor Taylor