Classing Up

Today started the first day of Persian-Farsi classes for myself and a good number of others in other branches across the base.

Really, it was just an indoctrination of sorts. We never stepped foot in a class. Nor do we know how our class will be broken up (we have 6 students per teacher per learning group).

But I will say that while others are nervous and worrying about how hard the class will be, I am pretty damn excited. I welcome the challenge. Hell, this is what I signed up for!

Maybe it's my ignorance, but I don't fear the unknown. And I don't know how hard or easy this course will be for me. So why bitch and moan about it? And even if it is hard, all I have to do is study, get a tutor, and submerge myself in the language(I love Persian radio!!).

But I did not freak out or stress out in bootcamp, and I'll be damned if I do it here! Stressing screws me up, so I ain doin it. I perform well under pressure and stay calm at all times.
I'm just cool like that, yo!

And can I get say that I am *extremely* annoyed by those who worry?? I literally cannot stand that shit. What good is worrying going to do? Is it going to get you to your goal any quicker, or will your fears cause you to fuck up faster?? Ugh. Just shut up with the worrying and nervous shit. I hate it.
Needless to say, I stay away from people who worry. I just can't do it. I have no patience for it whatsoever and I will NOT be having their nervous shit rub off on me. And in order for me NOT to go off on my shipmates or classmates who so freak out, I quietly excuse myself before I blow up at them.
Not everyone feels the same as I do or is as cool I am, so I try to respect that. But don't you dare bring me down!

But I think my advantage over lot of people will be the fact I am SO damn single. It sucks, but while everyone is out and about being distracted my their sig others or devoting time to someone else or crying over the breakups that are sure to come or getting married and divorced 6 months later, I will be focused on homework and studying.
Yes, I see myself being quite lonely, but very successful. Kinda like Oprah, if you will lol.
They tell us all the time that we are here to learn a language and to do well within our respected branches. Everything and everyone else is irrelevant, and I think I got that part down lol. I wanna be the one everyone runs to for help because I got my shit down (for some reason I feel I will be really smart and good in class!! Ignorance?? Maybe. But fuck it:))
Persian is my boyfriend now. I'm focusing on him so the REAL men out there won't tear us apart (not like they're knocking at my door anyway!).
This has got to be one of the few times that being single trumps being attached.
They can have that shit. I pretty much only wanted sex anyway>;)
But now not even that will distract me:(

And at least while everyone is out and about spending money and going off base, I will be here hittin the books..
Which will really work out because Cali is expensive! I HATE spending money and being broke. I got bills, damnit! Ugh. I need to save more. It's like before you know it all my lil money is gone:( It shouldn't be this way.
So at least class will help me out with distracting me in a good way. I won't have to spend any money:)


Okay! This is it for now. Gonna go listen to some Persian radio and surf the net.
Toodles!

-Sailor Taylor

You Are Cordially Invited..

To read my damn blog!

Don't y'all feel special??

Due to the certain someone I mentioned in my last blog getting "upset" about her lil appearance, my shit is now private. Now, I love sharing my lil life with the world, but I'm not about to feel self conscious about what I write.

So I'll just have to invite who I want to read my words. And that blows, but it's what I have to do..

But really the entire situation is retarded because if ANYONE should be upset with what happened it should be ME. And I am.

Think about it: Here is this catty female who is from the same town as I, but the other side of the proverbial tracks. No one here at this base in our small group knows about Memphis or the neighborhoods within it. But she "randomly" starts talking about the "trashy" neighborhoods of Memphis and specifically and ONLY names my own, Orange Mound. But then she goes OUT of her way to say that I am from the aforementioned "trashy" neighborhood..

WHY do that? No one here knows anything about Memphis! No one here has a problem with me. At least I thought they didn't. And I didn't think I had issue with this superficial female. But I do now! Had a friend not told me, I never would have known the shit that came out of that heffa's mouth! I never would have seen her for the true piece of crap she is..
But, oh, shit does travel!

I mean, that was some fowl, low-down, dirty shit to pull. That hurt. She doesn't know me! She doesn't know my story or what the hell I been through or what I am capable of or my family or the sacrifices made..

All she knows is Class.

And, yes, I am from the Hood. But I am a thousand times more real that she will EVER be. Ever.

But, anyway, she apparently read my blog about her when it was public and got mad at me for calling her out.
Ha!
I have free speech on this matter and why be mad?? She did it!
Don't be ashamed now.

But since then she has been trying to get in my good graces. She just can't keep her damn mouth shut. That's what got her on my shit list on the first place.
But now she tries to compliment me and stand up for me at bars. Like I need her.

Ugh. Just... stop.

But, long story short, that is why my blog is now private. Nosey evil-doers lol.

Anywho, this blog will go on regardless. This is just a lil update:)

-Sailor Taylor

I Am A United States Sailor..

Well, hello there, My Online Stalkers! Long time no hear from, right??

Sorry for the delay. I actually graduated bootcamp on October 8th, 2010 and left RTC for Monterey, CA on October 13th.

My, what a completely SHITTY time it was. I mean I absolutely HATED bootcamp. I was soooo depressed. I felt ugly, hated, unloved, alienated, and every other negative feeling there is. Hardly anyone would write me! Lazy asses. Letters are what keep us going in bootcamp!
Ugh. I don't like thinking about bootcamp at all. I feel like I whored myself out and was redeemed and am now in the process of healing myself from my hellish past. Yes, it was that BAD. And, really, my issue was the fuckheads I was in the division with. Bootcamp itself was not that horrible. But the people there can SUCK IT.

Ugh.. As I continue on with my blog posts and am able to come to terms with all that is Recruit Training Command, I will gladly share stories of my misadventures in bootcamp.. If I can stomach it.

BUT now here I am in sunny California!!
Not.
Child, Monterey is cold, honey! Apparently, I did not do my research full out. Apparently, my country ass thought Cali would be paved in gold and love, and it is NOT.

Some days it looks like London here because it gets so damn foggy and gloomy. But no. I am simply on the other side of the damn country, far away from my home and family and I miss them.

Lord, I never thought I would miss my family or shitty ass Memphis as much as I do now.

It's hard out here for a Black Woman! And a Southern one at that. Someone who is very sensitive to racial relations. The ignorance of some of these people amazes me. It's not quite racism because some of these fuckheads, I can tell, genuinely think they have to use stereotypes to relate to me. Like, why do you feel the need to bring up grape kool-aid, fried chicken, watermelon, fingersnaps, and neck rolls to relate to me?? Yes, child!

And I am so lonely here. African Americans are few and far between here. Who can I relate to? Who will take me seriously and who will I not have to worry about racial ignorance or comments around?

The Defense Language Institute at the Presidio of Monterey is an Army base and all the branches of the military are here because this is THE place to go to learn a foreign language (I can tell you this because it's readily available on the internet and the websitie for the DLI). The other branches have more African Americans in them than the Navy does, but people are so clicky here. It's hard including oneself into another pre-determined group. But sometimes I want to because I miss my People! I am coming from a town that is rough and about 90% Black to here: a place where alot of people think it is okay to reference kool-aid and watermelon to me.
Every time I see a Black person, I want to run to them with arms wide open saying "Another Black person! Let us be friends!!"
Lol. Sad, but true.

Sidenote: Do you know one of these females here called my neighborhood, and therefore me, trash?! Honey, let's not forget this trash has hood-breed survival skills her bougie ass will never have. And this trash has a four year college degree! Don't forget that!

Anywho! I see myself staying mad focused for the year that I am here learning Persian-Farsi, the language of Iran (yep!). Work seems to be the thing that will hold me over until I leave this place.
I'll be damned if I don't get straight A's up in this piece!

But, yeah, back to me being lonely..
I am! Hell, bootcamp was so hard on me mentally. I got to wishing and thinking that maybe I should have gotten an honorary/temporary boyfriend to hold me over until I graduated so I could dump him afterwards! LMAO! But I'm for real, yal. It was tough on me.

I need healing of all kinds in this mug!

And do you know where is NO place for me to get my hair braided?! I have to go to the NEXT town over to find a decent hair braider! And I had to order the braiding hair from online because they don't carry the kind I need here! Thank God for Craigsllist and the internet. That's all I gotta say on that shit.

Okay, my random ass ramblings are over with for now. Sorry for the long ass delay. But can you tell this was therapudic for me?? It was.

More later!
Love,

Sailor Taylor

Bootcamp Bound!

Okay so this was my status from Facebook not too long ago and this does a good job of summing things up:

"Well, my body fat *just* made it at 32%. I still think that woman measured me too low. But oh well! I biometrically signed my final contract with my fingerprint, was discharged from the DEP program and officially sworn into the United States Navy. Headed to the airport now! There are 5 of us going to RTC:) Hooyah!"

Yep! Lol.

We got to the airport at about 12:30pm and don't leave until 6:25pm so we are just hanging out now. It's me and 4 others and one of the shipper's family. They all have bags and I feel quite empty handed because all I have is my purse. The clothes I wore to the hotel I threw out because my family wasn't around to see me get sworn in (or for me to give my clothes to) or go to the airport. And I wasn't about to pay to get that stuff shipped back home, and pay by the pound, on my dime. Hell no lol.

But on the bus ride to the airport I made my final calls to my sister, Dad, and left a message for my Mom and Grandmom. Dad seemed to be really excited for me and proud. And, oddly enough, that made me proud. This time when he said I love you, I said it back. He is an ass and he is my Dad and I love him. It's what God would have me to do. I told him I will write him and I will.

My recruiter showed up at the last minute as I was boarding the bus to leave MEPS to shake my hand and see me off. I told him I would write him. He was excited I was excited to have actually passed the weight test. But I'm sure he was happy I passed the weight test because that meant he wouldn't get into trouble. Eh. Whatever lol. Can't blame the man for wanting to stay out of the Captain's Mass (or is it Mast??) on my behalf.

And now I am excited. I am apprehensive and wondering what I got myself into but driven and determined. The only thing that was freaking me out was my weight. And now that I have gotten that out of the way, I feel like I am actually doing this. This is real for me now. It's sad to say that is how much this weight thing was affecting me: that going to bootcamp almost did not feel real.

And, really, that damn woman still measured me down too low on my hips and at my damn thighs almost, but I made it. Even though my paper work said I gained two pounds since I was initially sworn in, I still made it. Now I feel better and confident that RTC will follow the same suit and have me at the same lower body fat with one percent to spare as well...

On another note, I got up at 4:15am, showered, and did my hair and make-up. Yes, I want to be "pretty" when I get to bootcamp:) I didn't get much sleep at all because I "slept" with that damn stomach wrap on, but I cut it off at 3am to actually get some sleep. And I did. Only to wake up an hour and 15 minutes later. Eh. Oh well. But at least my waist did measure at 29 inches instead of 30:)

I got along much better with the other shippers today as well. I guess because we are all excited and ready as we will ever be. There were A LOT of us too. Like 20 of us, the most shippers I have ever seen at MEPS. And a good number of them were going to the Air Force.
Oh and get this. The Air Force shippers had to bring toiletries and 3 changes of clothes because they don't get their uniforms until Sunday. HA! How idiotic is THAT???..

But enough of that! I just wanted to give you all a mini update on me and mine and what I am experiencing at this very moment. I am happy. I am nervous. I am officially in the United States Navy. And I have already passed and graduated from bootcamp. Yes, I just spoke things that be not as though they were. I spoke my future into being. Beat THAT, negativity! Lol..

Well, I have had my Starbucks and have a meal check that I will be using at the Chicago O'Hare airport with the other Navy shippers once we touch down tonight before we get to RTC. It's an hour drive to the actual bootcamp sight. We have long hours ahead of us. I hear we won't sleep for the first 48 hours. Oh yay:)

That's all for now! Pray for me. Send me Positive thoughts. And for those who sent me their addresses, you will be hearing from me in the coming weeks!

I'll see you all in 2 months and 1 week.

Hooyah!

~Sailor Taylor

The Radisson

Okay, so I started typing this earlier and it got erased:( So this will be a much shorter version. Sorry:(

I am at the Radisson hotel the night before I go to MEPS. I'm in the room solo. I don't think I have a roommate and I am fine with that. This is just me being antisocial lol.

But I got here last because my sister brought me as opposed to my recruiter; and after I ate a dinner of lean pork loin, corn, and "red" kool-aid alone (because, once again, I got here last and was the last to eat. Oh well), I tried to fellowship with my fellow shippers. But they are all about 17 or 18 and gave me hella cold shoulder. They did not make me feel welcomed at all. So I retreated to my room ASAP.

And the room is actually nice. They have Sleep Number beds:) But the tv is hella old and has basic cable with the exception of a random HBO channel. But it is all free:) And you can't beat free!

I'm also pretty uncomfortable because my recruiter did show up to wrap me in Preparation H, Saran Wrap, and duck tape:( He did it tight, but it's only about as tight as I wrap it, actually. So it's not too bad, but I can't get comfortable:( And this crap is rolling up on me and itches yet again. Ugh! But this is all for a good cause. I MUST go to bootcamp! And I will. Tomorrow:)
So far my waist does seem to be about half an inch smaller and that is awesome:) Now if I can get this down to a full inch we are all set!

When I stepped foot out the car and said my goodbyes, I was so nervous. My heart was jumping, my stomach was fluttering. That's part of the reason why I didn't eat much for dinner. But whatever. I will miss my sister and my family and my 5 year old nephew almost made me start balling right then and there. He's so sweet. I love them so:)

But, um, I guess this is all for now. Our curfew is at 10pm when we have to be in our rooms. And who knows? Maybe I will have a roommate by then? Ugh. I hope not lol. And then I have to get up at like 4something and get dressed, eat, and then head to MEPS. It will be a long and tiring day. But I welcome it.

More later...Maybe:)

~Sailor Taylor

The Dinner

Yesterday evening at 5pm (or shall I say 17:00? lol) I had my going away dinner. I was a bit apprehensive about having it because I didn't think anyone would show, but a few people did:) It was myself, my sister, two female college friends from my graphic design days, a male college friend, my cousin, my aunt, and a friend of mine who is a former Marine.. He's so FINE! Okay, had to get that out my system, lol..

But it was a good time. Once everyone got over the "I don't know anyone here" jitters, they all meshed very well. And, really, I don't hang out with people who are not open-minded or cool enough to get along with everybody. And if you can get along with me and end up being my friend, you can get along with anybody. Because I can be one tough cookie to befriend! Lol. I'm working on that:)

And, food wise, I did good at the dinner for the most part. I had a lean pork chop (still sticking to my Atkins regime) about 2 and a half hours before we left for the restaurant. So when we actually got there I was still pretty full and watched everyone else order and eat.
Really, my cycle always curbs my appetite. I don't know why, but during that time I hardly get hungry. I end up making myself eat because I know I should, not because I necessarily feel the need to..

Anyway! Back to the dinner:
While everyone ate and drank, I only drank. And boy did we drink! We ended up having 4 pitchers of lime margaritas on the rocks. And my two male friends took care of the charges for them:) I wasn't even expecting that. Hell, I wasn't even thinking about how they would be paid for! I didn't even know we got 4! I was so out of it drinking and trying to talk to everyone (and the conversations that took place were the best! My peeps are hilarious lol). All I know is that every time I looked, there was a full pitcher in front of me lol. And I got good and drunk. Whew! But thankfully I did not have a hangover this morning.
And I did end up eating this fried cinnamon and sugar cheesecake burrito thingy. It was called a chimmi cheese I think and they are always wonderful:) I Normally don't have them when I go to this restaurant, but that night I treated myself. So I ended up having dessert and liquor. And I got paid for by my friends. Yay:) But I did chip in on the tip. I have no idea what my friends left the waiter, but I gave him a $20. It was the least I could do.

My aunt, who has always been so supportive of me joining the military, left out first with my cousin. But before she left, she handed me a card with $20 in it. She's always so good with giving the appropriate card at the appropriate time, lol. The card itself read "..It's been a long climb.. And you deserve a mountain of praise!! Congrats!" And inside she wrote "Ashley, Congratulations on your inception into the military. Take God with you every step of the way and you will do well. Love ya much! Auntie Debra and Grant (my cousin)"

I love them so:)

Soon (after about 2 hours), it was time for us all to leave. I hugged everyone twice and we slowly went to our cars. I almost cried. This is what I will miss about Memphis. Good times, good fellowship, and the few true friends I do have. *Sigh*

Now I am waiting on my food to digest so I may go running since I was too busy putting my things into storage yesterday to do so. I cheated and for breakfast I had strawberries, sausage, and my sister's homemade French toast. It was AMAZINGLY good. But it was carbs:( But I figure this is my last home cooked breakfast, so why not? Normally, I wouldn't eat her cooking because it's not what's best for me and my diet, but this time I obliged myself:)

Oh, and get this. When I woke up this morning, my stomach was smaller and flatter than normal. It was a full inch tighter. After all that eating and drinking I did last night, my stomach wants to shrink?? Irony! Lol. Maybe it was the alcohol that dehydrated me? Who know! Who cares! Just as long as I keep this trend up when I go to MEPS and RTC. That would be love:)

So... That's about it for this entry. I'll have a little more to tell a little later on. And then I will disappear for about 9 weeks:)

~Sailor Taylor

P.S. My recruiter said he would come over my house tomorrow evening before I go to the hotel and wrap me up in Saran wrap and duck tape himself because he said I wasn't wrapping myself tight enough...
Um...
I hope this is just another lie he is telling me. Because that man is buff as hell and strong and I do not want him wrapping me. He may force my liver up into my throat:(
I mean, I will have to see him because he's going to bring me the packet I need to go to MEPS and then boot camp, but hopefully he will be in such a hurry to get to his night job that he won't do it.. Hopefully. *Fingers crossed!*

My Dad

I want to keep this short. I'm not for opening up old wounds, but I wanted to blog about this..

My Mom and Dad are both from Memphis (well, Momma kinda isn't lol) and met in the Memphis Navy Reserves after years of being on active duty. Dad joined the Navy in August 1969 (the same month I am leaving for boot camp. Ironic, right?) and Mom joined around the same time as well. And I don't blame them. After experiencing the assassination of Martin Luther King and integration from segregation, I would want to get the hell out of Memphis too.

But, back to my story, and this part is what freaks out a lot of people..
My Mom and Dad were married to other people when they conceived me. Momma was married to a fellow Sailor and my Dad was, and still is, married to a civilian. They got together and had me during their affair. Mom eventually got divorced from my step-dad when I was 3 and Dad, as I said, is still married to his wife.

My life was turbulent, to say the least. I knew Dad had an entirely separate family and I knew I had 3 older sisters. But I was kept a secret. It wasn't until my Freshman and Sophomore years of college that I was finally able to track down my sisters via Facebook and tell them who I am.

All hell broke loose. I had shattered their happy-go-lucky, picture perfect life. My sisters laid into me. They spoke ill of me and my Mother. And I have YET to forgive them for that. NO ONE speaks ill of my Mother. I don't give a damn who you are. My Mother is off limits.

Years ago, our Dad cheated and had me. Get over it. I have. For the most part, anyway.
But there's nothing like being "The Other Child," having to live in secrecy away from one half of your family because you are the dirty little secret. There's nothing like not being able to go out in public with your Mom and Dad for fear that someone will see your married Dad out with his Other Family. There's nothing like knowing you have a family out there that does not know about you. There's nothing like knowing where your sisters live and where they go to school but you still can't touch them. And there's nothing like having to call your Dad by his first name for the first 7 years of your life because "Daddy," even in private, was unacceptable.

There's so much more bullshit I was subjected to that I could write about. But I won't. I've already said enough..

But, long story short, my relationship with my Dad is nonexistent. I stopped talking to him after my sisters and I got into it once I told them who I am and he took their side. He basically said I had "corrupted" and upset HIS family by telling them of my existence. He said I shouldn't have told them. He yelled at me. It was as if it wasn't my right to know who I am and where I come from. I was devastated and heartbroken. After decades of dreaming of finally meeting my sisters and telling them that I exist, they do not welcome me with arms wide open, but damn me and my Mother.

So I stopped talking to him, gave up on them, and disowned that part of me just as they had disowned me. I was my Mother's child and no one else's. Period. And I would have loved to keep it that way. But when I joined the Navy my recruiter told me I had to get BOTH of my parents' information. I wanted to declare my father dead, but he said that would not look good on my behalf once the Navy did my background check and found out my father was actually living. Shit.

So I got into contact with a cousin on my Dad's side who actually likes me (The cousins are cool with me, ironically. It's the sisters who hate me). She was supportive of my Navy endeavors and gave me his contact information so I could get in contact with him and finish filling out my initial paperwork to enlist.

So I reluctantly called him. He knew who I was, of course. And he actually gave me his information. I was surprised at that. And I was surprised at myself for actually wanting his approval with what I was doing with my life. This was back in December, but I had just graduated college and was now joining the Navy. Not only was I college educated BEFORE my older sisters, I was also joining the military like he and Momma did.

Our conversation was strained and just short of two strangers speaking strictly on business terms.

That was back in December and I haven't spoken to him since. And I had no intentions of speaking to him again. Not before I went to bootcamp, not after, not ever quite possibly.

But today, out the blue, Dad called me.

I'd had him on my mind some days ago, but I'd thought nothing of it. I've also been having dreams about people from my past that I no longer talk to, but I thought that was just my "spidey senses" telling me that they would randomly pop back up into my life again before I leave. Or I thought that was my mind's way of helping me let go of my past to move on to my future. I don't know what is was, but I dismissed it..

And then here comes my Dad. Calling me. Talking all jolly as if nothing had happened between us. He called me his "baby" and asked me to send a picture to his phone and he would send me a picture of the ship he was on: The USS Enterprise.

We talked about me going to bootcamp (he made a mean ass comment about my weight. But whatever. I'm brushing off all bullshit), the Navy, my Mom, and other things. I was dumbfounded. I think he even told me he loved me. I was too dazed to realize.

When we hung up the phone, I cried. Not too much. Just a little. I was so shaken up. His calling me was too much. I had to call my sister on my Mother's side, the one I grew up with (we have different fathers) to talk about this. I was about to explode.
After all these years, all this hurt and him disowning me, RIGHT before I leave for a new Life, my estranged Dad calls me. My past came back to haunt me. It was an emotional experience. And words still fail me now..

It was like he knew I was about to leave. It was like something told him to call me after 8 months of not speaking. And he was so happy and proud. And I have no idea why. I cannot figure out my dad at all, but this was just odd.. It was as if nothing happened.

Maybe he feels guilty? I don't know. But we made plans to call each other before I go. Not SEE each other, but call..

I can do that, I guess.
Wow..

Now, if you excuse me, I am done crying and reliving my not so distant past. I'm going to the movies on this last Friday night at home:)

~Sailor Taylor

Butterflies and Such

I have, realistically speaking, about 3 and a half days until I head to the hotel. And I am finally starting to feel a tiny sensation of butterflies.
Before I wasn't. Before, these last few days were just like any other.
It wasn't until I FINALLY decided to plan a going away dinner, send out text messages, and post a Facebook event that I started to feel a little giddy.
This is finally happening:)

I really didn't want to have a going away "function" because I was scared that would somehow jinx everything I have worked for. I'm superstitious like that. That's just how I am. When I am in a relationship, I don't like telling too many people because I am afraid something "bad" will happen. And if I ever get married, I am not having a huge wedding because I wouldn't want everyone all up in my business and happiness.
Y'all get what I'm sayin'? I have a serious Beyonce complex about keeping my happiness private in order to preserve it. This blog may seem like I put everything on front street, but I don't..

So me having a gathering was a big step for me. It still is. It's like I am finally accepting the fact that I am leaving. This is happening. Nothing is keeping me from going to bootcamp. Not my weight, not anything. This is real.
And now I am stressing about who will and will not show up. It's such a popularity contest and I never won those. I almost don't want to have this thing, but my aunt wanted me to. And I owe my limited amount of fam here in town a good-bye. And for those who don't show up, knowing my contract is for up to 8 years due to linguistics school, they can kiss my ass. That is a good indication of who are and are not my "real" friends. I am having a good time these last few days no matter what.. Sans excessive drinking and eating. That just makes you fat lol.

Oh, and get this.
My period started today.
Yep! So my ass is going to be bleeding and cramping my first few days at bootcamp. How fun.
I knew it was coming. I knew I would be pushing it, but I was hoping and PRAYING that it would hold off. I was hoping and praying that the stress of bootcamp would cause my cycle to stop those 9 weeks I will be at RTC. But nope!
Also, I bloat. BAD. So I will be cutting my salt and popping water pills like Skittles. The LAST thing I need is for my damned period to make me appear fat when I am not and affect my measurements and weight. Oh God! I hate this:(
Oh, and because my cycle started, that means I won't be getting laid right before I ship out. OH LAWD, WHY LAWD?!? I haven't had sex since my ex came home on Liberty from the Navy for the 4th of July holiday (I finally cut him off too. So we aren't talking anymore. It was a serious moment of weakness). So it has been over a month for me. And it won't be until at least another 9 weeks that I can possibly have sex again. And then who will I have it with? I won't know anybody! And I have to really KNOW a person to bang them.
*Le Sigh*
God doesn't want me fucking. Obviously. Ha!
Okay, I'm done..

Um, let's see.. What else?..

Okay, so I am thinking bootcamp will more than likely kick my ass. Mentally, I am about 2 thirds of the way prepared. I know the Sailor's Creed and I know the 11 General Orders of a Sentry in any order. I do need a better acquaintance of the Navy's history and I don't know the ranks and recognitions. I need to know that. Or at least have a good enough idea of them. I'm not feeling some over zealous officer making me do push-ups because I don't know just who the hell they are.

And I just may call everyone "sir" and "ma'am" initially because I am Southern and Momma raised me right. That's how we greet people down here. It's just good manners! That will be a hard habit to break..

But back to boot camp kicking my ass!
I am not where I need to be physically. I'm just not. I'm not horrible, but I will be made "stronger" while I am there. Lord, help me =/ I'm not where I used to be when I first enlisted and now I am working to get back to that point, and I will reach that point. But I don't want it to be at the expense of me getting held back in bootcamp because I wasn't physically up to par. I gotta push it once I get there to get out on my scheduled time and then head to linguistics school. These physical fitness and swimming tests freak me out. I just have to breath and DO IT. Period...

Hmm... I'm using this as an update blog. I'm just trying to make sure have covered all my bases..

Okay, so I started Neutrogena Skin iD. My sister gave me one of her extra kits since we have similar oily skin types. So far, it has dried my skin out to where it is now peeling, but my acne is almost gone! Lol. I was DESPERATE to try any and everything. My face is seriously looking bad, but this stuff is getting rid of the pimples. Now if I could only get rid of these acne marks:( I don't want to wear those horrible glasses in bootcamp and have bad acne and a scarred face. Ugh:(

Aaaaannnnnnd, lastly, even though I have 3.5 days left, I have started the Atkins diet. If I can somehow cut 5 lbs while on my cycle, right before I hit MEPS, I will be ecstatic. I workout everyday anyway, but that added push would always be appreciated. And after doing research on it, it sounds like a great idea for the short term and I totally get why cutting carbs aids in serious weight loss. I'm not sure about in the long run, but I should have been doing this weeks ago.
Oh well! There's no time like the present and I do love meat:)

So, in closing, I am excited about everything. I am still fighting my way through any bullshit and adversity I may face, whether it be water weight, acne, butterflies, or fitness troubles. But I got this. I am going to bootcamp on August 17th. I will not be afraid. I will fear not. I will be positive.
This is it.

Thank you, God.

~Sailor Taylor

What I Will Miss The Most..

..While I am in boot camp and beyond.

In some type of order:
-My Family

-My Mom

-Hanging out with my sister

-Seeing my 5 year old nephew and 2 year old niece grow up

-My Real Friends

-My cell phone:(

-Shenanigans!

-The Memphis heat

-Beer and alcohol

-Sex!

-The Beale Street blues

-The familiarity of Memphis, my home

-Fresh brewed sweet iced tea

-Fried fish

-Fried chicken

-Biscuits and white gravy (Mmm!)

-Happy Mexican (a popular restaurant)

-My Car

-Manicures

-Personal space

-Solitude

-My Piercings

-My contacts (I do NOT want to wear those BCGs!)

-Club Backstreet

-Dancing with drag queens and gay men

-Dating

-Hookah bars

-Late nights

-Facebook

-Blogging!

-Africa in April (a popular Memphis festival)

-Southern and country accents, hospitality, and mannerisms...

..And everything and everyone else that has made my life here in Memphis comfortable. There's just too much to list and my memory fails me at the moment.
But I'll be back. One day.

~Sailor Taylor

7

I have been a bit stressed and not feeling like writing, but I know I should for those who follow me. So here goes..

Today is August 8th, a Sunday. I leave August 17th, a Tuesday. I stop counting the days before I leave that Sunday, the 15th, the day before the Monday I go to the hotel. So according to my calculations, I have 7 days left.

7 days before my life forever changes.

And I am stressed as fuck.

I have this weird thing where I don't quite process traumatic things. I just keep going. I don't allow myself time to grieve or think about what just happened because I am afraid doing so will dishearten me. So I immediately go to Plan B.
And I guess you can say that is what I have done yet again.

You see, my "final" courtesy weigh-in went horribly. I gained ONE POUND and the woman who taped me had me at an EXTRA FIVE PERCENT BODY FAT!! How does ONE POUND EQUAL to 5 PERCENT body fat, I will never know. But it looks like in the span of about 2 weeks, I went from 30% body fat, which is great because I had a 6% cushion, to 35%, and only having a 1% cushion. Which really is no cushion at all.
Why I didn't get kicked out the Navy right then and there, I don't know. I should have disputed those damn measurements. That doesn't make any damn sense! All I can say is God keeps having my back, but why can't He have my STOMACH?? In no way am I complaining. I do realize, and always have, that I will have to fight for this career in the Navy, but I just want my weight "issue" to be over!

I still workout everyday, but I have turned into a compulsive eater as well. I don't eat as often as I should, I have about one big meal a day, and still eat after 6pm. Laxatives don't really work. They cause me to bloat and put on water weight.

I do stomach wraps and workout in layers to sweat and get my "core" temperature up, but nothing seems to work for me. I can look at my body and see the weight I have put on and I don't know what to do.

I have 8 days until I go back to MEPS and they do another mini physical in which they will weigh and measure me again. If I don't meet the requirements there, I WILL NOT go to boot camp..

I would just die. What else would I do? What else can I do? I would be a wreck.

So I can't let that happen.

I'm trying.. But.. I don't know what else to do. I'm afraid. I am so close and yet so far. I thought I would be rid of this shit by now. But I am not.

Ugh!

Today I am working out and running twice, once alone and then with my friend. That's all I can do. Just keep it up. And watch what I eat.

I keep calculating different measurements for myself, "just in case." I need to know what could possibly happen. And I need to never have that shitty woman measure me again. I am afraid, but I truly don't feel as though I will not go to boot camp. No matter what, I will not surpass 35%. Technically, I didn't get to 35% this last time. The damn woman measured too low on my hips (story of my life!). But this next time, this last time, will be different. I WILL pass the body fat measurements at MEPS and I WILL go to boot camp and I WILL pass every single body fat, physical, and mental test they have! I am NOT coming home without a uniform!

Woooo saaaa..
I am having an anxiety attack over here. Pray for me. God, be with me. I want this. I do. I just need a bit of help.

~Sailor Taylor

Let Me Just Say I Am Pissed..

I woke up this morning, not feeling like working out but reluctantly did so anyway. I slathered on more Preparation H and wrapped my stomach with my stomach band, but this time I put the band directly on my skin. Not on top of my tank. I then put on my usual sauna suit top and sweat shirt.

It was hella uncomfortable because the band was slipping and sliding all over my wet and slick skin. And the creamy white shit was everywhere. It was very messy. It wouldn't stay put and it was wrecking my nerves.

And, mind you, while I am working out I am not drinking any water. And I didn't drink any water when I woke up this morning either because I was scared I would bloat.
So I am essentially dehydrating myself again for this weigh-in because also took another fucking laxative.

Oh, and get this. The Prep H did not burn. My skin did not look or feel any different either. I think it was a waste.

Aaaaaaaand theeeeeen guess what happened? I didn't hear from my recruiter. I felt deep down like something was wrong. So I called him. And do you know what he told me?? He said he was doing training in OXFORD FUCKING MISSISSIPPI!!!

I ASKED this man DAYS ago if he would be able to take me to my final weigh-in (because otherwise I would make my own arrangements) and he said YES, he would be able to, knowing damn well he had training! He said he thought he would have been back in town by now.
WHAT?!?
And who the HELL has training at the start of a new month?! Your ass needs to be in that fucking office recruiting next months quota, damnit!
Uuuuuugh! I HATE having to depend on people. I HATE not having my damn car. And I hate, hate, HATE this.

I did ALL that uncomfortable pre-weigh-in shit for nothing. Fuck!

My recruiter said that he would get me tomorrow for my weigh-in. Well guess what?
I don't wanna do it. I don't. I am pissed, sulking, and defeated and I don't wanna do another damned uncomfortable weigh-in before I ship out in THIRTEEN DAYS.
I just don't.
So there!
And the weight I am now is the weight I will be when I ship out and there is nothing that can be done. I am within the requirements so what more do they want from me??

Ugh. Fuck this.
I'm going to go eat. I'm fucking starving.
Mel Gibson rant over.
Shit.



~Sailor Taylor

Butt Cream Remedies

As I type this in a state of insomnia, I am laying on my sister's couch with Preparation H slathered all over my stomach and sides with my stomach band wrapped snugly around me. Sounds crazy, but this is my newest pre-weigh-in gimmick.
I have not had the best workouts lately and I have been over eating. I don't know if my body is tired or has reached a plateau or what, but I feel as if I have not made significant progress with my weight this final weigh-in. If anything, I have maintained weight and haven't lost any, and that's not good.

So, with that being the case, I have once again resorted to gimmicks to give me the push that I need. I took a laxative, diuretics, and am now doing this damn Preparation H thing.

You see, Preparation H draws out water in skin (or so I have been told), and tightens it up. I have heard of male clubbers rubbing this hemorrhoid cream all over their muscles because it somehow irritates the skin and makes their muscles swell and look bigger, so I was certain putting this stuff on my stomach would not give me the desired effects. But after googling around a bit, I saw that people have been rubbing this cream on themselves and then wrapping their stomachs in plastic wrap to sweat out any water in their mid-section area. I read where this one guy did this remedy and then went cycling while wrapped up and quickly lost the weight he needed in order to be eligible for the Navy. And on Facebook, a girl on my friend's list who is in Navy Dep in another city used Preparation H as well. But she used it at night as opposed to working out with it on. She said it kept her up because it burned. So.. Obviously that means it is working, right?? The skin is irritated and the water is being drawn out.. Right? Sounded right to me!
So the very next day I went out and got some Prep H.

And I feel NOTHING. I mean, true, I am sweating/moist (don't you just hate that word? Ew.), but I don't have any skin irritation. So does this mean it is not working for me? Oh, God, I REALLY need this to work for me! My weigh-in is in a few hours!

So tomorrow before I head to MEPS, I am going to put this crap on again in addition to my full, hot ass workout gear and workout. I don't quite know what workout I will do tomorrow but it will have to be hard core for me to get the "maximum" effects. And the bad part is while I workout, I won't be able to drink any water(or drink water after I workout for that matter) and afterwards, I don't think I can get my skin wet or all the effects will be reversed. So.. That means a Whore's Bath with a soapy wash cloth is my best bet.
Great.

But this is all for a cause, right? A little discomfort won't hurt! I'm just tired of these damn weigh-ins. Wake me when this is over:(

I'll let you all know how everything goes.

13 Days until boot camp.

~Sailor Taylor

Car: Sold!

It was a bitter sweet moment, but I had to do it. She was the last thing tying me to Memphis.
I sold me car for far less than I intended, but I am now that much richer. The car salesman was very greasy and sleazy, I might add. Dealing with him made my choice so much harder.

Oh, and would you believe the day before I sold my car some ass heads STOLE a tire off my poor car in the night?! I came out to get the VIN number and there I saw it: the driver side was jacked up and the front wheel was gone. Apparently, these despicable people had been watching me and saw my car had been sitting there. So they targeted me and took my tire for its rim.

But know this: Any and every time someone takes what is NOT theirs, they WILL be cursed with misfortune. God will have his vengeance.

But, with my car being sold, that is money I have to put food on my sister's table (since I am staying here), 3 months of storage paid off, and funding for this weekend (par-tay!) and my going away dinner. So, while this it bittersweet (she was my first car!), it was needed.
I will miss my baby.

"..As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends forever.."

*Sigh*

~Sailor Taylor

The Nightmare That Plague Me

**This is an old post that I thought I had lost. Turns out it was saved as a draft. Yay:) **


This morning, as I attempted to sleep in the wee hours, I experienced disturbing nightmares. I was truly exhausted; my sleep was deep. And because it was, I could not shake myself from what my subconscious mind was telling me was real. I felt this dream. I felt myself desperately wanting to wake up. The mental anguish was there, and yet, I stayed asleep.

I dreamed about losing my teeth. It was graphic, exaggerated, and nonetheless felt very real. My teeth crumbled, fell out, bleed, and frothed and foamed as the exposed marrow could be seen. And as frightening as losing one's teeth in a dream is, it is not new. It is quite average, actually. And seeing as how I am interested in dreams and their interpretations, I had to blog about this particularly gruesome experience. I hardly dream, or shall I say remember my dreams, so when I do, and when they are this vivid and disturbing, I know they are trying to tell me something and cannot, must not, be ignored. It is said that God speaks, but twice in a dream. He has something to tell me.
This is what I found online.

"The next time you dream about losing teeth, before trying to figure out what it means, ask yourself how the dream made you feel. Oftentimes, it is not the dream of the teeth falling out that creates the disturbance to the psyche but the feelings that accompany the dream. There is often a feeling of helplessness, of powerlessness--the teeth are coming out and there is nothing the dreamer can do to stop the process. Sometimes teeth fall out, sometimes they are simply missing, sometimes they crumble away. Whichever way they make their exit, the dreamer is left with not only a gap in her smile, but a hole in her heart when she awakens.

If feelings of loss of control, helplessness or powerlessness accompany your tooth loss dream, the dream is typically acting as a mirror of a situation in waking life. Dreams of tooth loss coupled with anxiety reflect a fear of change, fear of transition. Ask yourself if there is some transition that you are fearful of making.

Sometimes tooth loss dreams point to a fear of failure or embarrassment. In waking life, when people lose teeth, they often cover their mouths when talking or smiling. Is there something you want to do but are afraid of undertaking because you fear you'll look foolish if you fail? Or is there something going on in your waking life that you feel you must hide or 'cover up'?"

After all I have been through these past several days, I just blocked everything out. I didn't really bother with dealing with what had happened to me. I just went with it. And now my mind, my God, is trying to tell me that I need to sit down and process what has happened to me. Often times I just push bad things to the back of my head and don't focus on them. It's too painful. And now even when I sleep I am plagued by negativity.

Truthfully, I am afraid. I have a bold, new life ahead of me that I cannot really process because I don't know how to process it. I don't know what to expect when I get to boot camp. This is an entirely new life that I have only dreamed and watched movies about. I always wanted this, but was a bit afraid. And now I have it. It is rushing towards me and I am excited and secretly freaking out. And every time we as human beings are faced with the unknown, we are afraid of it. I am no different. And, even deeper down in me, I am afraid of failure. I will lose everything and have nothing to come home to if I fail. My Life has cleaned itself out, so I have to rebuild a new one with the Navy. But perhaps because my Life has cleaned itself out, this is God's way of telling me that I will be and already am victorious in my endeavours. I pray so! So I must pass these tests I have set before myself. I will face this head on. My future is dependent upon it.

Something else I found on the net said this:
"Teeth are used to bite, tear, chew and gnaw. In this regard, teeth represent power. And the loss of teeth in your dream may be from a sense of powerlessness. Are you lacking power in some current situation?"

I can definitely attest to feeling powerless and not having control. I was powerless with every negative thing that has happened to me in the past few days. I couldn't do anything but just "go with it." Which is why I am having these nightmares now. Because I have not fully thought my life out. I have not completely thought about where I am and where I am going. I don't want to. Because this sucks. But, apparently, I must. And so I shall.

Later.

~Sailor Taylor

Recent Navy Happenings..

I talked to my recruiter today.

My IFA, or Initial Fitness Assessment, that I must do before I go to boot camp has been taken care of.

My recruiter and I are due to workout together some time this week or this weekend since he lives right down the street from me. Yeah, right. It's almost a little late for that don't you think? And where have I heard this ongoing lie before? Yeah. Exactly.

My next and final weigh-in before I go to boot camp is August 2nd, this coming Monday. My recruiter said he would come and get me and for that I am thankful because I now live on the other side of town from where my recruiting office and MEPS is. Were he not coming to get me, this may not have been possible.

I still have yet to call the new chief and check in with him. I suck, I know.

I workout 6 days a week now. Sunday is my off day. I was nervous that I would not be able to work out in my sister's apartment complex's fitness room but things worked out. I just walked my ass in and started working out like I lived there lol. And they have never questioned me:)

I seem to have lost weight, but I cannot really tell because I am so critical of myself and look at myself daily. Someone else may be able to see what I can not. Hopefully my progress will show at this next weigh-in. According to the fitness room scale, with my shoes off, clothes on and dripping wet with sweat from my workout, I weigh about 167. That is what I weighed at my last weigh-in and I was in a bra and panties when that was taken. So hopefully I weigh even less than that when I take my clothes off:) And my waist is about 29.5 inches; down from the 30 inches it was before. Now let's just pray that my measurements will be taken correctly this last go around, for there is massive room for error with these things. But we will find out this Monday.

I started back jogging again last week I think it was and today I was full out running on the treadmill. Time to get back at it. My only issue is me getting bored with it. My breathing and stamina seem to be fine. My mind is the only thing stopping me.
And my shin is fine, for those of you wondering:) I ice it down and massage it with Tiger Balm every night in perparation for the next day's run. I am carefuk with how I place my foot when I run as well. That matters a lot. And I don't run on concrete or hard surfaces.
My shin bone feels very lumpy and uneven, and I am sure that is from it healing itself from the splints and fractures I had. But at least it is healed:)

And I still layer it up in my stomach band, sauna/ fat boy suit, and sweat shirt when I work out. The only difference is I don't wear the sauna pants anymore. I just cannot do it anymore lol.

Annnnd that is about it. Not much is going on with me since I am unemployed and trapped in the house for the most part. But I will have more to tell later on.
Toddles!

~Sailor Taylor

To Do List!

So... I typed this earlier and then the damn computer lost power right as I was about to press "publish post" and I lost EVERYTHING. Needless to say, I am pissed. So this is an abbreviated posting of what would have been before. Sorry:(

Anyhoe! I have 2 weeks and 5 days left until I get to that hotel and begin a new life. And what do I have to do before then?
A lot.

Memorize the General Orders of a Sentry and the different Ranks. I'm late. I know. But what would you do if you had 7 months to wait? Become lazy. Exactly. And besides, I perform well under pressure.. But I do hate studying;( I just have to get in the mindset to do it.. Bleh!

Clean and sell my car.
My poor baby love;( As much as we have been through together, it is time to let her go. She was my last comfort zone tying me to home. I just cannot afford to repair her. And I am surviving without her, so I will sell my lil Nelly Bell. That will be much needed money in my account and funding for my will debauchery my last weekend in Memphis:) My recruiter said that he would buy her off of me but he don't want this damn car lol. She will be more suited for parts and the chop shop:(

Continue to downsize.
I still have tons of crap that I need to throw out but won't because I am "using" it (at least that's what I tell myself) or it is a comfort blanket for me. No one wants to throw out everything they have and own just to start all over again. But that is what I must do.

Get an address book and addresses.
I have to figure out what token few of friends I actually want to hear from in boot camp. And then get their addresses and transfer them to a little black book. Simple as that.

Plan and have my going away function.
At the request of my dear Aunt and my own reasoning, I will be having a going away "gathering." Not a party, because that requires too much crap and not that many people will be invited. But I will be having a dinner type thing at an on and poppin' Mexican restaurant here in town. Invites will be sent out via Facebook and text messages. You know how we do in the 2010, lol..

Well, that's all I got for now. More later:)
I am excited.

~Sailor Taylor

Military Men, I Bid You Adieu

I will keep this short and sweet.
It is with a fire that smolders deep within me that I write this. For I have had enough.

Of all the military men I have dated, all have ended with the mistreatment of me and my finding out about their various other women via the internet. They know nothing about me and honestly think they are the only ones.
The internet will give you away every single time.

And to this I say I am done. No longer will men of the military have their way with my heart. I have had enough of the hurt, the lying, and the dishonesty.
I have no idea how this will work as I begin my own military career, but I have to heal myself. I'm just tired of their foolishness.

Who knows? Maybe I will be so consumed with my cryptological studies that all I will want and have time for will be a simple romp in the hay. Pure sexual satisfaction. And I suppose that will be enough during that period of my life.

But what I truly want, deep down inside, is a meaningful relationship: something I have not had in almost 3 years.

True, with me leaving a relationship has not been at the top of my doable priorities list these past few months. But I am ready. And I am disgusted with the shenanigans of those men who don a uniform.

So, until my future pans out, I am locking my vulnerability far deep and far away and I bid military men adieu.
I'm throwing them deuces.

~Sailor Taylor

Like Watching Paint Dry

Y'all, I am so bored. Bored out my ever, loving MIND.
I am so use to running the streets and always being on the go. I was always planning and plotting my next move because I hated being bored and hated where I was living. So I had to be out and stay out for the most part.

And now all of that has changed. Now I just sit here. Day in and day out, I sit. I workout 6 days a week and that's the only time I get out the house: to walk to the complex's fitness room and have a 2 hour workout.

After that I come back "home" and eat, drink something alcoholic, and sleep. Then I wake up and watch TV. And then I do it all over again the next day and the next and the next day..

I'm scared of getting fat:( Before, I was working and on the move. I was so active. And now I'm not. I am *so close* and have come *so far* and I am in danger of blowing up again. I feel like my stomach is bloated and no amount diuretics or laxatives will help me. I feel so fat. So I have got to get myself back on track. The high intensity workouts with resistance training are there, but the proper eating and drinking is not. And that is because I have acquired those bad habits again while I sit here and do nothing.

According to the scale, I am slowing losing a little weight. But a tiny bit. And I don't want to trust that. I don't care what I weigh as long as my measurements are on point. I want to gain good, heavy muscle and tighten up so my waist will be tiny.. And my ass still fat. HA!

But I mean, I am so lazy and sedentary that I don't even want to study my General Orders or do anything.
Period.
My Senior Chief paid me to write another of his papers this past week and I didn't even want to do that. I mean, I did, but still.. I didn't want to. All I want to do is eat, drink, and sleep.

My zest for life seems to be gone. I am fading away while I wait on that fated day to come that I go to the hotel and then board the plane for boot camp. But I don't want to lose sight of my goals so that when it is time to ship out I am fat and unprepared..
Hell, if I'm fat then I'm not going anywhere anyway.

Help!
This coming week will be better. It has to be. I promise myself this.

More later.

~Sailor Taylor

Yǎnjīng de Lǎohǔ

This describes me to the T:)

"The Tiger, the living symbol of strength and power, generally inspires fear and respect. Tigers' compelling dynamism, intense activity, independence and curiosity about others make them irresistible, persons of multiple charms; Tigers attract followers and admirers. The Tiger has a regal quality and is courageous, active and self-assured; he makes an excellent leader and protector. Known for determination and charisma, the Tiger aims high and pursues goals with vigor, passion and daring. However liberal-minded Tigers may be, they are rash and resist the authority of others. Although they are selfish in the little things, they are capable of great generosity, even of altruism, in the larger. Tigers are men and women of action, thrust by destiny into the spotlight.

Tigers are fearless creatures in as much as they blind themselves to dangers and impetuously rush in where more cautious individuals would fear to tred. Outspoken in the face of injustice, their strong humanitarian instincts will not allow them to pass by if they see a wrong perpetrated upon another. They have a disdain for security and make a religion of change.

Tigers tend to renounce confining traditional roles, opting for a more unfettered life. With a wide ranging mind, they can adopt any number of careers. Their many experiences serve to enrich their life and add depth to their nature. Material benefits matter little to them.

Tigers have an inborn magnetic personality that attracts people to them like bees to honey. Warm-hearted, sociable and friendly, they are characterised by their frank, honest and open approach. Their immense kindness and generosity will always shine through except when crossed or backed into a corner, for then they can become vehement and ferocious.

Solitude is often the price Tigers pay for their position of authority, but they become accustomed to it. Better still, they draw on the experience, gaining new energies and great strength. However, this loner attitude and pride can sometimes prevent the Tiger from seeking other people's assistance when faced with an endeavor that calls for someone else's resources and talents.

Chinese say the life of a Tiger born at night will be less hectic than that of Tigers born after dawn and above all, those born around midday. It will be a stormy life full of dangers, but the Tiger will never be bored. Neither Night Tiger nor Day Tiger will have an easy life. The Western term for a particularly fierce woman is "dragon lady," but the Chinese call her an "old tiger lady." She has many expectations of her partners which can cause difficulties; she wants to dominate relationships because of her independent nature and desire to rule. A female Tiger won't submit willingly to the Confucian ideal of womanhood, which dictates that a daughter obey her father, a wife obey her husband, and an older woman obey her eldest son. For this reason some Chinese avoid having children in the Tiger Year -- for fear of having a daughter.

The lucky Tiger represents the greatest power on earth, and is the emblem of protection for human life. A Tiger in the house minimizes the Three Great Risks -- thieves, fire, and evil spirits. If there are two Tigers in the house, however, one of them has to go!

The Sexy Tiger
Tigers make ardent and virile lovers who dominate their partners. Because of their sensuality, their impetuousness and love of adventure, there is an excitement that not only follows Tigers wherever they go, but also guarantees them a certain irrestible sexy allure. These creatures whose emotions are out-front have strong libidos and are lusty in their passions. Generally flirtatious, they are especially prone to wild flings in their early years but do settle down as they get older. When committed to a happy and fulfilling relationship, Tigers make loving and caring partners, warm-hearted and generous. They don't, however, lose that romantic streak nor that exciting ability to surprise.

Encounters with the Horse and the Dragon will be especially interesting. Tigers will feel a definite affinity with the Dog and Boar but should avoid the Rabbit who could be too conservative or weak for him. The Monkey may be one of the worst possible mates for him, competing with him and refusing to compromise. Above all, beware of the Ox, who is stronger than the Tiger and will keep on attacking him until he is destroyed. If there is a Tiger and an Ox under the same roof the Tiger will have to quit before he is annihilated.

March is the month of the Tiger. The time of the Tiger is from 3:00 a.m. to 4:59 a.m.; their direction of orientation is east-northeast. The Tiger's color is green."

And my element is Fire;)

~Sailor Taylor


Resilience abounds..

Rejected By My Surroundings..

This morning before my workout, my brother-in-law stated an interesting theory.
Simply paraphrasing, He said to not give up and feel discouraged..
And that my surroundings were rejecting me.

And it makes sense.

I have lost my job, my home (which was the closest thing I had to a comfort zone, be it as ghetto as it was), and my car. Everything has fallen, or shall I say fallen into place rather, to strip me of my Memphis comfort to prepare me for THE World. I have been rejected from this life in order to fully pass on to another. There is nothing here for me outside of my family and a few token friends. No roots, no ties to keep me grounded. It is as if my Armageddon has occurred. My flood is here. Noah is at the helm. And God is preparing to create a new time, a new land, and a new sense of being in which I am the Eve of the story.

And with that, I felt better. I felt rejuvenated. So much so that I felt a new drive to really push in this last stretch of Memphis existence. No proverbial walls will be hit here. They have already been torn down anyway.

~Sailor Taylor

Rock Bottom

This morning, on my way to a very nice neighborhood park to get my morning jog in, my brakes went out on my car. They literally fell OFF.

Thankfully, they were my front breaks because I was able to stop my car. Had the back ones gone out that would have been no bueno and I could have died in a horrible car crash.

The mechanic told me it would be $350 to fix my brakes, rotors, and calipers.

I told him to reassemble my car and I was going home...20 miles per hour with my flashers on and my sister trailing me.

Oh, and "home" being my sister's place. Because I for damn sure don't have a "home" right now.

And I do not have a car.

I don't have $350 to my name. And if I did, how would I afford to pay that and the storage costs for my car when I go to boot camp? I can't. I am broke and one stiletto away from dancing on a pole for dollars.

So I am going to sell it and pocket the money.
And I guess run up and down the side walk outside of my sister's complex.
Fitness is always on my mind.

Actually, my sister and her husband have a good friend who is a mechanic and they said they would call him and ask him if something else could be done..

But if not..

Then this is what rock bottom feels like. I have lost my job, my cash flow, my own living space, and my car in the span of less than a week.

I checked in with my recruiter this week and asked if I could be shipped out to boot camp early due to my dilemma and he said no. I would just have to wait..

I feel myself withering away. My life is upside down. What do I do with myself now?
I feel my appetite growing and my self getting bigger. I pray it is just monthly water weight, but I don't know. I am at wit's end and depressed.

What has become of me? I literally have nothing left but family and my health.
I want my old life back.

They say that right before great change comes great turmoil. And to that I ask God:
What did I do to deserve this?


~Sailor Taylor

How The Mighty Fall, Revisited

At PT this past Thursday, I got some interesting news from a fellow DEPper that was then confirmed by my recruiter.

Remember Elle, the former DEP-CO who I cannot stand? Well guess what?
She got kicked out of boot camp and, therefore, The United States Navy.

GAH-DAYUM!

It's one thing to be subjected to Karma's wrath, but to have THAT happen to you? Daaaaaaamn. She got kicked the fuck out the best Navy EVER! And it will forever be on her record for the rest of her LIFE. Wooooooow.
Damn. I'm speechless.

Yeah, sure, hateful people should "get what they deserve," which is what I was hoping would happen to Elle while she was in boot camp. You know, get whipped into a better person. She was horrible, just HORRIBLE. But I always thought they would "straighten her out" at RTC. And that was it. It never occurred to me that she just wouldn't make it through boot camp period. That's messed up!
But she was an awful person. Perhaps boot camp wasn't her punishment/karma, but getting kicked out at the very 1st step of the Navy when she thought she would make it to the ranks of Chief (HA!) and ultimately fail at life was her punishment. Hmmm! Something to think about, right?

But my recruiter said that she got kicked out (medical discharge) because of her legs (stress fracture/ shine splints due to her lazy ass never running at home) and attitude. He said it was one thing to be hurt and push through it and have determination, but another to whine and bitch and moan and give up. And I can totally see her lazy ass whining, bitching, and moaning about she couldn't possibly go on and have mercy on her in boot camp.. But that's just MY thinking.

So while I was shaken up to hear that she got kicked out the Navy/ boot camp and feared that I would suffer the same fate, I now know that I WILL NOT end up the same way.
Why?
Because I am a fighter. You can read my blogs, watch me workout out at 6:30am and loose 6 percent body fat in 2 weeks to know I am a fighter. I WANT this. I have given up TOO MUCH to not have this. I have too much on the line. My life is at stake!
Elle did not feel or act the same way. She was lazy and expected the rest of the world to kiss her ass and fall victim to her simple mind games like those around her and it didn't. The world did not bend and she broke.

But I am conditioning myself for the trials that face me and, baby, you WILL NOT see my black ass come back home without wearing a Sailor's uniform. Believe that. Lil Mama wants this too much!

Now, enough of blogging about someone else's doom and gloom. I don't want God to bring this back on me for being self-righteous and smug. And with 4 weeks left until I ship, it's all about me anyway:)

More later.

~Sailor Taylor

The Weigh-in, Round Two!

Okay, so I have been putting this blog off due to my life being a *bit* hectic right now with me losing my job and having to move in with my sister and her family.. BUT, since I am unemployed, I have nothing but time on my hands for the next 4 weeks! Lol! I'm just trying to be optimistic here:) But, either way, the blogs will be flowing out of me from now until I leave.

So! This last weigh-in had me in complete shambles. I was stressed, uneasy, tense, worried, and having nightmares about this. I mean, THIS was IT for me. If I didn't make noticeable progress this time around, my ass would be out the Navy for sure. And to top it off I had just lost my job the day before. THAT right there took my motivation for real. That was life changing and I could have just stopped trying right then and there. I was in shock.. But I didn't stop. I was victorious in spite of!

I pulled out all the stops.
I took diuretics, magnesium citrate saline laxatives, and continued to workout in my stomach band and sauna suit. I was doing everything in my power to get this weight OFF of me and make my stomach flat and hips smooth.
I even took to drinking at least one of my meals a day if not two. I have these meal replacement shake thingies that I drink along with eating fruit salad for my meals. It wasn't the most satisfying, but it did the job of filling me up as long as I had tons of water to drink.. Sorta:/

But anyway! The day before my weigh-in, I did a laxative and stopped drinking water around 9pm and took 3 water pills/ diuretics. The next morning I slept in until about 10:30am and got to the gym at 11:30. And mind you I did not eat or drink ANYTHING that morning to keep my stomach flat so it wouldn't bloat.
At the gym, I did a light workout in my full workout gear (clothes, stomach belt, sauna suit, sweat shirt on top of that). It was hard because I didn't drink any water during (again, so I wouldn't bloat) and I was hot as HELL working out in all those layers. Especially with my hooded sweat shirt on top:( But I was careful and aware of how I felt so I wouldn't pass out..

Once I was done I showered and was ready face my fate. There was really nothing else I could do. So I weighed and measured myself on last time in my underwear (yes, I wore some this time! Lmao!) in the ladies' locker room.

The scale said 168. Okay.. Cool. And when I measured myself my waist was 29 inches and my hips were about 38-39 inches..
Cool! Plus my stomach looked super flat like when I 1st enlisted so I was ready!
I dressed and drove myself downtown to MEPS..

Back in the medical section, it was empty as always. But a civilian nurse who was about to leave saw I was just sitting back there alone and she offered to do my courtesy weigh-in.

I was a bit apprehensive about that because she wasn't the Army lieutenant who was supposed to measure and weigh me and I didn't want her to screw me over like the last lady.
I was freaking out but I prayed and went with it..

The nurse kept commenting on how I looked as though I was fit and would pass the requirements. I was praying that if she said that she would not screw me over.. *Fingers crossed!*

So I undressed and she took my weight. The scale said 167. YES! That's just 3 pounds away from the 164 I was when I was sworn in:) And a nice change from the 171 I was weighed at 2 or so weeks earlier.
And then she took my height.. I stretched my neck as much as I could to get more height..
She got me at 63 inches, as opposed to 62 inches. AWESOME!

And then the measurements came.
She somehow got my neck at 14.5 inches as opposed to 13. That's because she measured down around my collar bone. And that turned out to work for me..
She then measured my waist at 30 inches instead of 29. CRAP! I was a bit hot at that but I went with it..
Then she got to my hips and I felt right off the bat the tape was too low. And it was. It was down around my ass and she documented them as being 40.5 inches. Which wasn't too bad considering last time they were recorded as being 43 inches..

Overall, my body fat was *drum roll!* 30 percent! And since the Navy did not count the measurements the Army ladies took of me at my recruiters' office, it looked like I went from 36 percent to 30 in 2 weeks! Awwwwwwwesome! That'll show those guys how serious I am about losing this weight and shipping out! Hell yeah!

The chiefs at MEPS, my recruiters, friends, everyone was happy for me and I was pretty damn proud of myself too! And I was so THIRSTY! OMG, I was dying! After losing all that water I was ready to drink what was left of the ocean after the oil spill! LMAO!

Oh, but get this, MEPS wants me to get back down to where I was when I enlisted, which is at 28 percent body fat. That's not too far away but damnit! I just wanted to be proud of myself for a little bit! But oh well. No time for slacking off!..

Even though I did. I had a Subway cold cut and a Budweiser beer and they were friggin delicious! But back to the basics:(

My main worry now is how I am going to keep this weight off and continue to lose weight while not working. I mean, going to the gym and working kept me active. But now I am unemployed and living on the other side of town from where my gym is. I don't have the gas money to commute out to my gym everyday religiously like I had been before when I lived right down the street from it. So now I have to figure out if I can use the fitness room here in my sister's complex without them noticing I am not a resident here. And if I can't do that, I will have to do push-ups and sit-ups here and get to running around the area..
But the good thing is that my recruiter lives in the same complex as my sister (who I am staying with now) and he said he would PT with me and help me out:) Hopefully his ass ain lying to me this time. Ha!

Okay, I have said enough. Sorry for the delay with this blog. There is more to come because I always have a lot to say! Lol. I'll keep you guys posted:)

~Sailor Taylor

Fired.

Yep, that's what happened to me today. I got fired from my job. With exactly 5 weeks until I ship out to boot camp.
I'm not going to go into details about what happened because I don't want to and I am too hurt and pissed. But I will be staying with family starting Friday because I cannot afford to pay my rent.
This is really my fault because I got accustomed to eating out everyday and going out every weekend and didn't save money like I should. But thank God for family. I will be staying with my sister, her husband, and my niece and nephew until I ship out.
But this is still my fault. I will miss my independence as I sleep on her couch at night and do nothing for the next 5 weeks during the day. I have enough food to hold me over, but I am thinking about what a turn my life has made in a matter of minutes..

Life sucks. But it goes on. And I HAVE to ace this weigh-in more than ever tomorrow. I'm praying they will go ahead and ship me out. I literally have nowhere else to turn to:(

As if I wasn't stressed enough because of my weight. Now THIS.

HELP ME!!!

~Sailor Taylor

The Pre- Round Two Weigh-In

To start off I want to say that I got some diuretics to get rid of some excess water weight. That HAD to be my issue. I was working out, drinking MAD amounts of water, cut down on my eating, and yet still saw no results. I was getting pretty frustrated and pissed and distraught and every other negative mental state of mind I can think of. I knew stressing wasn't good for me but what else was I going to do? I have 5 weeks left and I am still a "fatty."
And it didn't help that my damn recruiters didn't show up to work out with me like they said they would. I figured they were full of shit and were just talking mess in front of the senior chief. Turns out I was right:( And to top it off, we were supposed to workout together the Friday right before the 4th of July weekend. Like, really?? Yeah, that wasn't about to happen. But silly me, I believed them. Either way, I showed up at the gym when I was supposed to and did my own workout solo.

But anyhoe! After taking Diurex, I had to use the rest room like crazy. And after a shorter workout than I was used to on Friday (I was just plain tired), I weighed and measured myself. Even though my measurements were still the same (shit!), I have lost weight! I lost about 2 lbs. I am down from 172 to 170. Yay for small victories! So maybe it was just water weight? But if that was the case, why didn't I lose any inches?? Hm! Who knows? But I must lose inches! They are sure to follow, right??
But back to my story..

I randomly got called by my recruiter on the Friday I just mentioned (July 9th) saying that my 2nd weigh-in would be on this Wednesday and that I needed to come in the office that day as well. He was in a good mood and I thought nothing of it, so I stopped by the office. And then all hell broke loose.

Both my recruiters were obviously excited and upset and were talking over each other trying to tell me what transpired earlier that day. They were fire hot and with good reason. What happened went a little like this:
Both my recruiters were called down to MEPS for a district/ zone meeting with the new chief over all the recruiters and the people at MEPS. That is where one of the chiefs that I blogged about earlier who SAID he would help me out and keep my weight under wraps ratted me out in cold blood to the new chief. Even though he and the senior chief supposedly agreed to be hush-hush about my weight at my last weigh-in, this guy lied, went back on his word, and reported my weight anyway. And he told the new chief about my weight issue in the district meeting in front the entire district and my recruiters. That back stabber!
Immediately the new chief cut into my recruiters and words were said. My recruiters said they had never been spoken to so harshly. And to make matters MUCH worse, my recruiter, the head recruiter in the office, got demoted because of me. He will still be a recruiter but not the head recruiter, and it's all because I gained weight and he is the one who put me in the Navy. That is a slap in his face. His record is impeccable. He recruits twice as many people as almost any other recruiting office. But none of that matters when it came to my weight. They took the title of head recruiter away from him because I fucked up. And for that I am truly sorry. I didn't want anyone to get hurt on my behalf..

But once they told me all of this, that is when they told me that the chief was coming by the office to talk to me.
Shit!

So, in a nut shell, he came by and we spoke. I had to FIGHT to keep my ass in the Navy. I was near tears. I DO want this, I just got complacent. But who wouldn't during a 6 month wait? I thought I had more time. I didn't think my weight would balloon out of control like this. I didn't think that ass hole lady at MEPS would measure me and fuck up my numbers (I mentioned her in a previous blog)..
But the chief said even though his ass was on the line as well because of my weight (as in he could get in trouble too for sending a "fat shipper" to boot camp. I resent being called "fat.") he would still work with me. But where have I heard that from?? Yeah. So, it's safe to say that I am not trusting anybody right now, but all I have is this one last chance so I have to take it.. But I knew that if did get kicked out the Navy that day I would have walked my ass on over to the Army office and joined, lol!

But I did almost get kicked out. All the chief had to do was turn my name into Millington and that would have been IT for me. No more Navy. No more $20,000 LRP. No more new life away from Memphis.
But now I have to call the chief and check in with him about once a week. Great.

But get this. Even though I didn't get kicked out the Navy, that chief at MEPS that ratted me out apparently turned my name into Millington anyway and now I am officially on their hit list. An official email was sent out via the Navy's intranet and my name was on it along with many others. That means I am on the bulls eye for getting kicked out due to my weight. "They" are watching me.

And because I was "turned in", the chief had me weighed and measured again. I went down from 171/172 lbs to about 168, according to my recruiters and the what the scale said in their office (I didn't question it!). Also, according to my official measurements from MEPS, I am not 5'2", but 5'2.75". THAT helps a whole hell of a lot!
But after my weight was taken I was sent over to the Army office to be measured by two females because men cannot take female measurements...

Y'all, had my recruiters told me I was going to get measured that day I would have worn underwear. Lol! I was sooooooo embarrassed! But oh well! I don't wear underwear all the time and this was one of those times! Haha.. Well, I guess that whole "wear clean underwear" thing Momma used to talk about came into play at that very moment. LMAO! And once I told the two ladies that I wasn't wearing any undies, they said they would measure me over my pants instead of having me pull them down. They seem slightly shocked, but I know they have run across women who don't wear panties before. Oops:)

Long story short, between both of those ladies measuring me, my hips went down from 43 inches to 40. And with me being 5'2.75", my overall body weight went from 36 percent to 33 percent. Yay! That is a VERY good look for me. I have gone down 3 percent in about a week and a half. But really I haven't. That woman at MEPS that measured me before did a fucked up job and took my hip measurements too low..

But anyway! That's my long ass story. My recruiters got in trouble because of me, I almost got kicked out the Navy, and this Wednesday I have another weigh-in. So pray for me! I have fallen victim to McDonald's recently and I am bloated and feel fat:( Lord help me! Food will be the end of me. So here I am working out in a sweat suit on TOP of my stomach belt and plastic PVC sauna suit and taking laxatives. It is hot as FUCK, but I have to do it. I have to combat an entire life span of improper eating habits in about 4 weeks... IF I really want this. And I do.
Lord, help me!

~Sailor Taylor

The Fat Boy Suit, Revisited

Since I blogged about my Sauna Suit and posted statuses about it on Facebook, I have turned two friends onto them lol. I'm so proud of me:) They are heavier and desire to lose weight, and after my "testimony" about the suit they got one! Yay to spreading healthy habits and workout tips! One friend, a girl, said she was scared to try it lol. And the other, a guy, said that he has never sweated so much during his workouts, he was in disbelief. And disgusted lol.
And for those who are wondering, I still continue to work out in mine every day religiously. This weight will come off!

Now, if you excuse me, I must sleep. I have to hit the gym tomorrow;)

~Sailor Taylor

Girl Talk! Skin and Hair

Sooo....

There is so much I could say and want to say because a good amount of things have taken place, but I just don't feel like it right now. Sorry. I will one day soon but at this very moment, I guess I need to let these things simmer and settle inside me before I share them with the world. It's hard to explain, but a lot of times I just don't feel like talking or typing right after things take place. This is kinda one of those times. And I say kinda because I do feel like talking, just not about anything too deep or that would take up too much time.

So I'm going to talk about my hair and skin! :)

So my shaven head of hair has grown into a TWA: a teenie weenie afro, for all you non-natural readers. It's about a 4th of an inch long. Not even half... Well, maybe half an inch. But barely.
Anyway, I don't comb it, I just slather Murray's pomade on it and maybe some Let's Jam hair gel(which I don't really like because it has the wrong, watery consistency and I'm sure alcohol in it as well) with raw shea butter. Oh! And I started using this organic, all natural stuff called SheaMoisture today too. I'm happy to see how that works out in my hair..
But all that stuff moisturizes it and allows it to clump together and curl up. It's cute:) But, as usual, I was getting restless and got it lined up today. My edges were looking a tiny bit rough, though. And now they look better. Neater. It's not a huge difference, and it shouldn't be. It was just a little clean up to my appearance. But I will certainly be happy when it really starts GROWING. But patience is a virtue;( And I will say that I was happy when a co-worker and customer noticed it was growing. So yay to that:)

Okay! So, I went back and forth with Selsun Blue because I was *determined* to get this stuff to work. I figured out that if I mixed it with Clean and Clear Advantage, scrubbed off the dead/ peeling skin with apricot scrub once a week, and use a bleaching facial cream day and especially at night, it works! Lol. That's kinda a lot, but it works for me. Because I was DESPERATE for a "cure" to my acne, even though there is literally no cure for acne, just like the common cold:(
But so far everything seems to be working fine and dandy. I still have some acne, but it is way better than what it was. And I still have dark spots but those will eventually go away with time and my bleaching/toning cream. They always do. So between this and guzzling down water, I'm good:) Oh, and I stopped taking all those damn vitamins. There were breaking me out, I know. And they made my pee strong. So not cute:(

But that's enough for now! I didn't even mean to write this much, lol. But whatever.
Toodles!

~Sailor Taylor

The Weigh-In

Welcome to a new month, y'all! We're getting closer and closer to me shipping out! This is the last full month I have at home and after that it will be August and time for me to go to boot camp! Wow:)

Well now, on to business..
I thought that since I have access to a computer for the next few days that I would try to hammer out this potentially long blog now, as opposed to doing so on my Blackberry. That shit takes dedication!..

Okay, so my recruiters decided that I would not have my weigh-in after July 15th but right before the holiday so I could buy myself some time, if need be. Apparently July 15th is when the Navy weighs the August shippers to see who they need to kick out due to weight problems. Therefore, my recruiters wanted me to get my weight under control before then.

So, keeping in mind that I have this weigh-in coming up, I call myself cleaning my system, not eating dairy or foods that bloat me, and trying to stay hydrated. I work outed, did ab exercises, and sat in the sauna to sweat off a few pounds, or so I thought. And a few hours before I had my weigh-in I sat in the sauna with plastic wrap wrapped around my stomach. Every little bit helps, I thought to myself.

So I shower after my last ditch effort workout and head to MEPS. The place is somewhat empty but the female airman (in the Airforce) who weighed me and took my measurements initially is not around to do it again. I am handed over to THE LAST woman I wanted to do my measurements..

Now, I don't know this woman's name but every time I mention her to ANY recruiter, all I have to say is "You know? The Black woman that tries to dress nice but has a real funky ass attitude?" And they know EXACTLY who I am talking about. It's a damn shame that a person's funky ass attitude precedes their name and even takes the place of it, but that is the case with this woman. It's as if she has a personal vendetta with EVERYONE, including me. She even gave me shit back in January while I was going through the enlistment process. She hounded me with questions, like she was trying to catch me in a lie that would delay my enlistment, if not cancel it out all together. But I got through that crap. Fuck her.
But now this heffa was about to do my measurements. My heart sank and mentally I was saying "Shit, shit, SHIT!!"

So, I go in the back examination-type room thingy and undress down to my skivvies (underwear for all you civilians). I'm not exactly sure of the order in which things occurred, but she weighed my and the electronic scale said 170.6, so she rounded up to 171. 7 pounds heavier than when I enlisted at 164 pounds. Crap! But okay. I knew I would be around that or 172. And that's fine because I will never fit into the Navy's weight requirements and that is why they take my measurements..

But then this woman takes out the tape. Everything was cool until she got to my hips. My neck went from 12 inches to 13 inches, which was correct. My waist went from 28 inches to 30, which was still correct. And then this heffa got to my hips. She measured me on the largest part of my hip, which is actually my thighs and butt. She was too far down from where my actual hip bone is. So, instead of my hips being 38 inches, which is correct, she got me an 43 inches. Which is WRONG! And because of that crap my body fat percentage went from around 31% to 36%. That max body fat for females entering the Navy is 36%. I am on the cutting block. Shit! When I took my measurements at home I was right at 33%, which is safe. And it's the correct percentage when I am measured right where I should be. But noooooo. This miserable bitch has to mess it up for everybody! What the hell is wrong with her?? Uuuuuggghhh!

But I take the paperwork with my measurements to the chiefs in the Navy office at MEPS. They remember me from when I kept coming back up there to get my LRP info taken care of and they are fond of me. But they tell me that they have to put me under the microscope now because of my weight and that I am now on their "hit list" of who to kick out the DEP pool and the Navy. They said my weight looks good on me (still skanky old men, lol), but that it's not good enough for the Navy. One chief told me that I need to get down to 33% body fat and another told me that I need to target my abs to get my waist down. They said that I have just enough time to do this by August 17th..
I know I let them down after all they did to get that LRP approved for me and all the strings they had to pull. And here I am getting fat. How ungrateful is that, right?
I take heed to what they say, thank them, and head down to my recruiters' office to give them the bad news..

When I come in the office (which had the "closed" sign up meaning they were not actively recruiting that day), I saw the Senior Chief sitting at a desk doing his homework. My heart sank a little bit more. I knew he would have something to say about the subject.
He was happy to see me, though. I recently wrote a research paper and edited another for him and they both received the highest scores possible. So he likes me just for the simple fact I am smart and did that for him.

So, not to get into too deep of details, my recruiters were pissed at me for gaining weight like I did. I mean, they are the ones who sent me to get weighed because of this new chief we have. They thought he would be checking for my weight anyway so they called themselves doing something about it before he said anything..
But they had a few words for me, needless to say. They were displeased. Because if I get in trouble, they get in trouble. It's just how the Navy operates. It's a system of checks and balances. They are my keepers, so to speak. And I am a reflection upon them according to their superiors.

But the real shocker is what Senior Chief had to say. He first asked me if I wanted to go to boot camp, because my measurements showed that I didn't. I told him I did. And he then told me that he had a soft spot for me since I helped him out. on his homework.. So he got the chiefs at MEPS on the phone and told them to keep my weight issue under wraps. As in, don't tell anyone about it because I would surely get kicked out without a 2nd thought or appeal. The chief on the phone even went so far as to say that he would try to get me shipped out to boot camp THIS MONTH, but Senior Chief told him no since I do work for him (lol, typical. He needs me to do his homework. Haha). He said that he would work with me. The chief then said that he would have me report to MEPS every Monday or so to get measured by a female Army lieutenant there. Apparently she knows how to measure people? Maybe? I don't know. But between Senior Chief and that other chief, I got my shit worked out at MEPS. They agreed to not even tell the new chief. Even my recruiters commented on how awesome and amazing that was. Here I am with Senior chiefs and chiefs on my side..
Can you say favor? All because I helped out one man and wrote his paper, everything is falling into place..

And after the Senior Chief got off the phone with MEPS, my recruiters told me that they would work out with me to get my ass in shape. They said they would meet me at 8:45am at the gym I go to and show me how to work out to get this weight off. Everyone agrees that I have just enough time before I ship to boot camp to do this. One recruiter told me to get the sauna suit and stomach band that I previously wrote about and another said he wasn't about to get in trouble for my ass. So he was going to whip my ass into shape..

So, looooong story short, I have a Senior Chief, two chiefs, a lieutenant, and both my recruiters out to help me get this weight off and keep my ass in the Navy. Thank you Lord! Never have I ever felt support like this. I am so close to losing everything I have worked hard for. What is wrong with me? But thank God for people who care in some sort of way. I need them.

Tomorrow I am supposed to meet up with my recruiters at the gym.
I am scared shitless. I don't work out with men with good reason. They are crazy! And I am shy:( But here I am guzzling down water at the current moment trying to stay hydrated so I won't pass the fuck out during this work out. Hell, I'm praying they don't even show up! Lol. I'm just so shy about this.. I blame it on my dad not being around.. And on the fact I have a hella crush on one of them lol. Teehee..

Anyhoe! This blog has gone on long enough. I have to get my ass into bed and pray about tomorrow.. Lord, be with me! I'll keep you all posted:)

~Sailor Taylor